New Year, New Celeb Big Brother...
Happy New Year! Birthday really was ace except for my flat mate trying to dry hump my two current best boy pals Rich and Tom at the after party and constantly turning the music on full whack at 9 in the morning when everyone was trying to have a little doze.
Really surprised how well it all went. Not everyone who said they’d come did (quelle surprise) but if they had, there wouldn’t have been any room anyway because the place was packed out and jumping most of the night. Pure messy.
NYE was also a surprise. Had no intention of doing anything but ended up in South London on a bit of a mission, watching the stunning fireworks from behind the London Eye (police had blocked everything off), drifting around in a stoned stupor before more beer and retiring back to mine for silliness which turned sour due to paranoia and…I dunno.
Some people should not be allowed anywhere near drugs. All drugs.
First client of the New Year paid me a small fortune to simply kiss and smell my wrists and hands and slap him about a bit (good work if you can get it).
He was actually quite sexy and felt like doing more but I’m a professional and don’t do any rude things with clients. They don’t see any pink bits of mine and I don’t wank them off (though they can do it themselves).
For me, it’s more about the aspect of play, control and mind fuck and only take on slaves who understand that. My private sex life is my own and seperate (and suprisingly 'normal').
Did a wee turn at Trannyshack last night. Ritzy got her dinkle out (love your shows Ritz but learn the damn words!!!) Glendora did a very unPC show and I laughed my arse off.
Was quite quiet, it being the first week of the New Year and that but was quite a giggle.
So here we go. New Year, Celeb Big Brother.
I say I watch these shows as part of my Masters research (celebrity and reality culture innit) which is partly true but its hard not to get sucked into the vacuous hole that is Big Brother.
Celeb version is more interesting as you kinda know some of these people (well…) and already have some kind of preconceived opinion of them, be it their talent or projected media persona. Putting them in a house with other egomaniacs desperate to retain or increase their ‘celebrity’ status, making them do ridiculous tasks while dressing up in outfits that wouldn’t seem out of place in Shoreditch is heightened and more comical due to their familiarity.
This year is a another line-up of virtual nobodies but an interesting mix non the less.
Here are my rather cynical first impressions of this years wannabees/contenders;
Cleo Rocos - her who did stuff with Kenny Everett (RIP)
I love her. Glamorous, well mannered and fabulous. There should be more women like this in the world. I so tire of the bitchy diva persona that older women in showbiz seem to
project. Ideal older woman in fact.
Shilpa Shetty - Bollywood lady
Very pretty but will be a revelation to see her without the 6 kilos of makeup she had on her face upon going in and will be a wreak in a week without her ‘entourage’.
Leo Sayer - Curly haired disco eternally young boy (much like Sir Clifford of Richard)
Should be amusing if a little annoying. Please no more funky house remixes. Will probably re-release Best of… after leaving.
Donny Tourette - Towers of London
Oh fuck off. Yeah real hardcore you are. Banging Peaches Geldof (snooze) and you know Leo Sayer. Ha!!! I’ve got more punk in the folds of my ring piece you posh little twat.
Carole Malone - Bitch from The Mirror
Her style of journalism is simply vile. I get her hatred for vacuous WAG culture but she seems to hate anyone with a fanny. Perfect example of past it older woman resenting younger prettier girls doing what they have with what they’ve got.
Ken Russel - British Film Director
Has made some classic films (see IMDB) and should be quite interesting.
Jermaine Jackson - Former Jackson 5 member.
Why he has decided to do this is anyone’s guess. Will probably walk after a few days after having enough of everyone asking him about his more famous brother.
Ian ‘H’ Watkins - The annoying one from Steps
Poor H. You’ll always be that twat from Steps. Gay you say? No shit.
Danielle Lloyd - Former Miss Britain bird
Famous for shagging Teddy Sheringham. The contract for your post BB experience bikini shoot for loaded, Nuts and FHM are in the post love. The OK mag deal with you and Teddy is still being drawn up.
Dirk Benedict - Face in A-Team
Hilarious entrance in a mock A-Team van. Should be inappropriate. Hope so.
Jo O'Meara - Only one with a decent voice in S-Club.
Shame she’s a bit dull (but so is Rachel Stevens and she’s done alright. All in the production though innit)
I predict a rejected Westlife ballad that goes in the latter end of the top ten off the back of BB before retiring from music to breed her dogs or appear in the Boney M musical replacing Michelle Collins
My money is on Jo winning. Non extreme, no offensive, MOR kind of characters often do.
I’m not putting any actual money on it but I know a man who has…