Cat food deluxe

So then....

After Vienna, my #1 on my myspace, Pirate Soundsystem threw a jolly at The Spread Eagle in Shoreditch. Went down with my surrogate kids, Dan and Harry and had a proper knees up and danced more than I have for years
.I dressed up in a piratey/drag stylee because
1) I like dressing up
2) I like like pirate things and
3) I love the Pirate Soundsystem boys. They play stuff that reminds me of the good old days and have a fun, ravey, unpretentious, poptastic sensibility that I love. I look forward to more. Photos by TBC

The following day Paul helped me move to my new digs in Dalston which while not the glammest place in the land, is home for now. The two girls I’m living with are a bit barmy frankly and don‘t speak to each other.
On the first day, I had a nose in the fridge to find cat food wrapped in tin foil. We have no cat. I shall be declining any offer of meat pie.

I’ve been offline (which is killing me to be honest) for a while as have spent ages trying to sort out internet access with one of the girls who has crap communication skills.
After days before she’d actually speak to me about it, (screaming “I’m busy” through her door whilst watching Judge Judy ay every attempt) we’d agreed that I’d get a router and I could scab off hers. The following day I get a snidey note saying ‘I hope you realise the risks’ and condescending bollocks. Have told her I’ll get my own. I don’t like the idea of my access being cut off by a mad woman when she fancies it. So it’s more internet café action for me until it’s all sorted. Bah.

So since moving in, had a nice chilled out evening of darts and curry with Paul the following week and did my MC spot on Resonance FM (which I‘ll put up online once a good quality version is available). Despite a few technical errors while I was on and not being able to really hear myself properly, I had big fun and read out a few slave mails and sung/spoke a bit of Dion, Moloko, Mel & Kim, Tiga, Awesome 3, Peggy Lee, Prodigy and ‘Wooooaaah body form, body form for yoooou’.

Following week went to Trash at The End with Dave and Ian. However, getting in was a bit of an effort;

Bloke on door: Do you know what kind of night this is?
Us: Err yes. It’s Trash
Door whore: Well what kind of music do you like?
Us: Electro, Rock, Erol, Allsorts
Pillock: Well you know that Erol plays rock on Monday don’t you?
Us: Er yes
Twattcock: (After looking us up and down again disapprovingly) Mmm alright then

Now I know the kids in there like to be styled within an inch of their lives but that is just silly from a man who himself is dressed like a chav and hardly the height of wanky Russel Brand rock chic. How can you judge someones music tastes by the clothes they wear anyway? When I'm sans drag, I like to dress to get down and have fun. Such a shame that clubbing culture these days is more about how you look than the music and experience.

Though I had fun, I don’t think I’ll hurry back, mainly due to the snooty attitude of the door and the kids themselves.

That Wednesday was another turn at Trannyshack. I did an old number (Ken Doh - Nagasaki vs. Gloria Gaynor - I am what I am & Madonna - Music) which I regretted just before I went on. I dragged a guy on stage and stood on his bollocks and the crowd seemed to like it. About time I did a major overhaul and got some new tracks sorted. Even though it was a bootleg and something that a lot of people haven’t heard live, doing old handbag drag standards is something I want to get away from.

I really like all the stalwarts of the drag scene that I’ve met so far. All are absolutely lovely and not a wanker among them (though what they do out of drag is their own business). Time will tell but they are all quite fabulous.

Great to hang out with Glendorra after who really should do a comedy/music show. One of the most naturally funny people I’ve met and I hate to see talent wasted.

Dusty O who is as flawless as hilarious and lovely as is the gorgeous Lady Lloyd. Sad to hear about Tasty Tim (who’s style I have always adored from afar) is out of action and in plaster for a bit.
Ryan Styles (did INXS‘ Suicide Blonde with confetti bombs strapped around the waist. Controversial but unique and quite fabulous I thought), Suppositori Spelling (who came over with the San Fran Trannyshack crowd and stayed), Sarah Lee, Ritzy Crackers and and and. All lovely. (I had given links to all their myspace pages but this computer is having non of it. Will edit it later.)

I’ve had bitchy run ins with drag queens in the past and that’s usually because they have no talent or excellence that they have to make up for their shortcomings by being a cunt. It’s a cliché and there’s no need for it. I have been known to kick someone who tried to look up my dress whilst onstage and shoot someone down but only when they have attacked me first.

Saturday was a jolly down to Bournemouth for Lionel Vinyl/Fake ID s new night as part of The Geek Chic Soundsystem called System Addict (named after the shoulder padded spanggly ones, Five Star) at The Consortium. Quiet at the beginning but the dance floor was jumping for most of the night. Good fun.
(L-R Lionel, Dale Winton, Halfway to Holestar, Ian & Charlotte)

Went to some club playing duff music after and had some laughing gas before stumbling back to Charlottes place, drinking beer on her balcony and waking up her flat mate.

Wednesday I went to Bardin’s Boudoir for Delete Yourself.
Performing were a group of unidentifiable shouty kids who were suffering with bad sound and distortion (might be worth seeing under better conditions) the amazing Spanish ‘Grabba Grabba Tape’ who were simply two guys dressed as neon snow beasts, a vocoder & drum kit. Very fast, short songs which I absolutely loved. Probably not the kind of shizzle I’d listen to but ace. And finally My Robot Friend. Just click the link. He literally lit up the stage like a Christmas tree and changed his light show accessories for each number. Fantastic show and great songs to boot. Some hilarious lyrics which I openly laughed at which meant I got a few odd looks. I forgot, you aren‘t supposed to laugh at art. Aaah-fuck off, I'll smile if its funny and dance if it's funky.

Finished his set by going into the crowd by filming people in the audience which were beamed onto a screen behind the stage. Most innovative and original thing I’ve seen in a while.

In other news, I've had a wanky haircut courtesy or Vidal Sassoon. Looks good from the back but I’ve been left looking like a (to paraphrase Mr Plews) Shoreditch Twat/Nathan Barley with a Dalston postcode. I’m going to let them colour it next week. Fuck it, its free and only hair. I’ve enough wigs to cover it.

Sunday it’s time to hop aboard the good ship Kashpoint. Will only be doing 1 number and the accessories I’ve planned haven’t quite gone to plan but I hope it’ll go well.

Right this net cafe stinks, I can't use Firefox so things keep fucking up and its time for tea...

Later mo fos

Draggin my ass around London and Vienna

Life is up and down like a whores knickers but on the whole-non too bad.

Easter bank holiday weekend started with some drunken beer lariness down at The Social and then Bastard at 93 Feet East. Now I was very sceptical about Bastard being at such a venue. In the short time that I’ve been attending, the best thing about it being at The Asylum is the family attitude of the attendees. All manner of madness is encouraged and the level of pretension is nil. While 93 works for an event like Uber, I had a horrible feeling that the ‘Barleys’ down the East End just wouldn’t get it.

Inside, the Bastard regulars all hung around feeling a little lost until we commandeered an area where we could dance on the tables. Jo (Zepher) had made up some bootleg bug things to pass around and get people into the Bastard spirit but some of the trendies looked at me with distain when I attempted to give them free stuff. Meh.

Josh Console in his pink ski suit rocked as expected (few moments were too loud even for my lover of the noise ears) as did Cartel Communique and come the end of the night, the place was jumping. However. I prefer Bastard in a smaller, dingy, dirty environment where the daft people and music geeks outnumber those trying so hard to be achingly cool.
I’ll still support it as the music and people are quite fabulous. Long live Bastard wherever it goes.

Had a (regrettably) quiet Sat & Sun as I had a show at The Shadow Lounge on quite possible the worst Monday on the year. Did four rockinsh/popish boots (All other peoples, first time I’ve done that) and the second set was more disco/trash gayness.

The drunk tourists got into it and did the best I could despite a small crowd but apparently the venue said I wasn’t ‘camp enough’. Mmm. After, Toine and Chris (from Paleday) and I went to G.A.Y. to do some more drinking. God I forgot how rank that place is. Quite funny if you are pissed up though.

Following weekend was a BBQ at Superdans place out in Hayes which was a lot of fun, sitting in Green Park with Dan and Harry drinking booze and eating ice cream and was supposed to get up and watch the mad people run the marathon but got there just as they were cleaning up. Ooop.
Returned to Arthur and Helens place for a fabulous roast dinner and smoked some potpourri (well it might as well had been. Dried out to hell but still hit the spot.)

Last Wednesday I did a number at Trannyshack at Too2much as part of a Tranny Factor competition. Now I don’t really like such things (humiliation of loosing perhaps or just not competitive enough) but it was a way of getting to perform at Trannyshack and thought…well fuck it.
And fuck a duck, I won! Did the Ejitz’s (Dunproofin & Richie) ‘Two Magdelane Fuckers’ (The Smiths - How Soon is Now vs. De'lacy - Hideaway) and finished by swinging daffodils around my head for the finale when Morrisey kicks back in. So now I will be doing a track on the Trannyshack album and doing a video to go with it. Coolios. Met the lovely Dusty O, Skinny Marie, Ritzy, Glendora, (who is fucking hilarious with a capital fuck) and Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd again.

Friday I flew out to Vienna as I was Djing at PerVienne Fetish party.
Arrived late (damn delays) and was picked up by Marcos and Karl from Tiberius who drove me to Eddie’s place where we drank vodka aplenty and ‘talked to Frank’.

Saturday was shite weatherwise but popped out to get myself a few things in town and go to Tiberius to pick up a few things (opera length leather gloves, slutty red stripper shoes, a cock n balls, hand spanky thing and some lube) before having a shnitzel and piling the slap on for the gig.

The weather was foul so there was the worry that people wouldn’t turn up in their finest rubber and kink but there was a good turn out. The decks were pretty poop. Slidey drawer things. One had no pitch control and if you tried to speed up anything on the other one, it would fly off. Made do with what I had and played a lot of fun bootlegs, remixes and electrobollocks.

Had one gothy guy in a PVC skirt ask me if I could play some Depeche Mode or The Cure (well I did play Churchills ‘John the Revelator’ mix) and an American chick ask for rock music. Sufice to say they left the DJ area disapointed but ended up dancing to the stuff I played anyway.

Had some bloke in his chaps wiggle his willy at me and a few disturbed Goths looking miserable that I wasn’t playing any industrial crap but people danced and wooed which is a good thing.

Joanna, Phillip and Christoph came along to boogie (and scream 'Holestar' at me which while flattering, was quite embarrassing!) and was great to see them.
After playing for about four hours I decided to throw caution to the wind and play Phil & Dogs ‘Gay Muppet Bar’. I thought it would clear the floor but the place went bonkers-ace.

More photos

Ended up staggering to to Volksgarten after and being coaxed into doing a little singy MC set for old times sake. Was quite nice as the crowd there know me and react to my drivel and when I scream obscenities at them. Bless.

Was invited to the Hilton for Sunday brunch but slept till nearly 2 the next afternoon. Must have drank about a bottle of Stolly over the whole night.

Did a tourist walk around Vienna and took myself for dinner before meeting up with Eddie, Previn, Sandrine, Gerry, Alain, Christoph and Gernot in Felixx for a few drinkies.

Monday, went to see my kitties. Now since giving them up and allowing Ingrid to keep them, I thought I’d be fine seeing them but I burst into tears as soon as I saw Monkey.

They seemed happy to see me and I played with them for ages and lots of cuddles. Spent ages lying with my head on Monkeys belly while she purred like she was drilling for oil. Bless.
Had a nice lentil stew with Ingrid and her partner Steve (I never thought I’d put the words lentil and nice together) and more beer.

Both Monkey and Merkin (L-R) were sat on the bed in the spare room waiting for me come bed time which made me feel happy but broke my heart too. Saying goodbye this morning was so hard as they both saw me to the door and I kept picking them up feeling sorry for myself.
Thing is, I’m glad I’ve seen them in that environment and are happy. Ingrid has a huge house with a garden, something I just can’t offer them and she loves them as much as I do. She’s kindly invited me to pop and see them whenever I’m in Vienna which is cool of her to do.

After popping back to pick up my suitcase from Eddies, I was told a mystery person was taking me to the airport so popped to a café for a coffee (my first this year) and David who used to work for Gayboy turned up. Nice surprise! More delays on the way back but had a top notch time in all and wonderful to see my chums over there (but not the dull people on the U-bahn who look like they all need a good shag. Miserable buggers.)

Coming up is trying to get the funding sorted for my Fine Art Masters at Central Saint Martins (had minor nightmare last week with funding which means I won’t be able to get any from the AHRB due to late forms and Post Office fuck ups etc etc). Going to be in a British Indie flick called Gangster Kittens (as either myself or a ‘teacher’.), intend to finally work on some tracks I’ve had in my head and collaborations with others from gybo, MCing thing on Resonance FM ina few weeks and finally moving into a place in (cough) Dalston.
Not the be all and still on the look out for somewhere to live but just need somewhere for the next few months to sort myself out.

For now adieu, adieu to you and you and yours.