Interview from Uber for the Radio Clash podcast where I ramble on about random bollocks and meet Jack White.
Go hear over here ->CLICKY<-
Bastard 96
Christ on a bike. I am hung over in a big fashion. Last time I mix vodka and beer.
Got on the fun bus to Bastard 96 last night at The Asylum - the club where everything must go and continually having a ‘clothing down sale’.
Bastard is a fantastic night full of bootleggers, internet geeks, music lovers and fun people up for a fun time created by the Bastard Pop legends that are Cartel Communique.
Mattcatt and Poj Masta span the tunes and what corkers too. Poj span a lot of his own tunes (this boy is going to go far if he's given the right breaks. I'd put my left tit on it) which got the place nice and sweaty. Ended up in a fantastically dingy and dodgy bar on Hanway Street before staggering to bed.
I’ve been clubbing for 15 years now and Bastard is one of the best nights I have ever been too.
The fact that the_dr can rock his skirt and fishnets look, people quite happily wear bog roll around their necks, can hear bootlegs as they should be played out - LOUD and you can jump up and down loudly without feeling embarrassed or any snooty types looking at you like you’re a freak makes it a special place to be.
Its that spirit that reminds me of the ‘good old days’ ™ and I hope it never dies whatever happens to it.
Photos are spilt into two parts;
Part One
Part Deux
This is Infinite Zen
THIS IS INFINITE ZEN
HOIZ002
As you probably know by now, I belong to a little community of bootleg geeks where we all hang out on a site called gybo (or ‘gaybo’ depending how many shandies you've had).
Some on there are better than others, some just bitch and moan about shit instead of getting on with it, a few have very, very bright futures as producers and DJs and others just make up the numbers.
I went for the bootlegs (or mash-ups in you are from the other side of the Atlantic), stayed for the banter. It is oneof if not the friendliest music based forums on the interweb.
Supercollider has recently put together some of my favourite boots ever on gorgeous blue marble type vinyl.
All mixes featured are top drawer but my personal favourites are;
Lyd - Gimme Ragga Joanna (SL2-On a Ragga Tip vs Eddy Grant-Give Me Hope Joanna)
They sound quite wrong on paper but have that knack of instantly getting my face smiling, feet shaking and booty stomping. Or something.
So buy it now fools.
Need more lash
Have had many more escapades since the previous blog but keep forgetting to update this thang here.
Performed at Bastard alongside Lionel Vinyl and Soundhog, drunken Sunday escapades on the Southbank, a huge amount of chemicals and a performance for a birthday party at The Asylum, dressing up a poor boy as a lady and being paid for the privilege, shouting at people and wearing a policeman’s hat at Bastard, dancing to quality electro then hearing utter balls at The Key, more drunken Sunday boozing and other things that couldn’t be repeated for fear of being sued.
Still don’t have anywhere fixed to live yet and my financial situation sucks. Had to give up my girls (cats Monkey and Merkin) as I am unable to provide them the life they can have with the lady who has been caring for them. Broke my heart in two but know it’s the right thing for them.
Despite the crap, the social life is quite fabulous. This weekend was very jolly.
After a week to see the olds and get fattened up even more by my Father (who is a chef. Do get spoiled when I pop back) in Hereford (mmmm the glamour…) I had a gig at Uber (93 Feet East).
Met up with Dave before going down to Brick Lane for a sound check with Adrian from San Fran’s live bootleg band Smash Up Derby.
Said our hello’s and despite never performing together before, grabbed the mics and it worked-ace. (Did White Stripes-Seven Nation Army VS Eurythmics-Sweet Dreams bootleg.)
A bunch of us from gybo went for a curry before the show (gave them very classy British gift of Cadburys Cream Eggs).
Heard Poj Masta’s set through the dressing room walls and was interviewed by Tim from Radio Clash while Adrian & Mysterious D span their tunes.
Jack White walked passed with his new band The Raconteurs (as they were playing next door) came over and shook my hand saying he loved read heads (had a big ol’ red wig on oddly enough). “You sir, are quite fabulous“ was my response.
Played it very cool then clapped my hands like a girl once he was out of ear shot.
Should have invited him along after (ha ha!) as we were using one of his tunes. Would have been interesting to see what an artist actually thinks of us taking their work and fucking it up for Schitzen-Geiggals (who were by a strange twist of fate were spinning tunes earlier on in the evening.)Adrian and I did our thing which went down pretty well then turn for my noise.
Started out with my Ray of Light Medley (instrumental with Nirvana-Smells Like Teen Spirit wailed over the top which goes in to Shut and Dance’s I’m Raving and Vitalics-La Rock 01 (very kindly banged together by one of my current favourite people Josh Console) and then I bang out Ray of Light lyrics over that with sprinklings of Betty Boo for a good measure. Phew.)
Chucked a blow-up sheep into the crowd which got thrown around like a beach ball then did a new one - Pendulum/Freestylers - Fasten Your Seatbelt VS Madison Ave - Don’t Call Me Baby/Salt N Pepa - Push It/Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive.
Next one might have been a little too ambitious. Pendulum remix of Prodigy’s Voodoo People with The Strokes - Juicebox over the top. Few people got it but didn’t have the same sing-a-long factor of the other tunes.
More pictures from Uber can be seen here
(Crowd seem to big diggin my shizzle!)
After party at Daves was a bag of fun which involved not a lot of music despite the decks being set up (flat mate having non of it-bah), me dragging up Harry who became Baby Holestar for the night, more interviews, The_Dr singing Home & Away, spankings, Mysterious D’s pink hat being passed around, Josh & Alex finally arriving hours later after feeding a homeless man Pringles and being chassed by the police on their bikes and a drunken group effort to disgrace our host on the internet who was otherwise engaged.
Everyone had gone by 8 in the morn and after a few hours kip, hot footed it over to Tower Bridge for booze, cards, music and porn before going to South London for a few beers with Joy (fellow drag artiste) who was to be putting me up for the next few days.
Sunday - Horse Meat Disco. A coach load of drag queens were over from San Francisco as the Trannyshack film premiered at the London Gay and Lesbo Film Fest and was there for the after party.
There were ten shows and I was to guest with Adrian and sing with him for a Smash Up Derby Medley (bits of Franz Ferdinand, Tainted Love, Talking Heads, Michael Jackson and the boot we did on Friday) but five minutes before the show, told there was only one microphone. Got through it regardless and had much fun.
The other shows were rather good despite being lip synch (which is something I‘m yet to do but will have a crack at some point.)
Fauxpas, Suppositori Spelling and a fellow cockless frockatear (or as they call them over in Frisco ‘Faux Queen’) Fauxnique (pictured right) stood out for me. Not the usual sequined Bassey/Streisand torch song bollocks for these bitches, no sir. All round, top stuff.
Also met Tasty Tim, Jodie Harsh and Lady Lloyd all who were lovely. Don’t believe the bullshit. Not all dragsters are cunts. Granted some are and like to think a wig and a bit of lippy gives them licence to be vile but the good stuff always floats to the top.
Joy, Suppositori Spelling and I went to Crash after and danced around for a bit but it was a bit dull in there so was back at Joys by 0430. Well it was a Sunday.
Met some wonderful people over the weekend, had many CDs thrust into my hand, drank quite a lot of booze and had a grand old time.
Photos of the whole messy weekend courtesy of A&D can be seen here.
Coming up is a show at The Shadow Lounge in Soho (will be different to the usual dance floor assault and more rock n pop shizzle), an appearance on Resonance FM and a return to Vienna to DJ (and to pop and see the cats.)All I need now is some more gigs, somewhere to call home and a proper bit of lady love and things will be just peachy.
Fisting Kylie, Cheggers and canapés
Not been too good at this blog business have I?Every time something has happened I have thought Ooh that has to go in’ but haven’t really had the chance to add stuff.
So I’m going to crack on with what happened last week.
Last Tuesday I was (at the last minute) invited to the wedding of the year. Two pals of mine, David and Allan won a competition to have a £60K wedding at Madame Tausauds,
Very disorientating walking into the first hall and getting confused who was real and who was made of wax. Touching ceremony, the signing of the register was quite apt. Two poofs getting hitched and signing their lives away next to Kylie Minogues bottom. Couldn’t resist have a picture of me fisting Kylie. I am smutty. What did you expect?
Next into the Hollywood type hall for cocktails and canapés then the main hall for the sit down dinner bit, very fancy food but not enough of it. Met lots of new people who tried my very large hat on (I believe it should be mandatory to wear hats at weddings) and devoured the chocolate fountain.
Speeches went on longer than necessary (weddings eh?) and then the grooms took to the floor for their first dance which was quite awful - David Bedingfield- If you’re not the one. I nearly brought up my guinea foul.
Free bar meant several vodkas, a drag queen turned up and did a turn and I drank more. We were kicked out around midnight and ended up in The Shadow Lounge in Soho (cliquey crowd), more drag, more lip synch.
All in all, had a quite fabulous eve and had the hangover to prove it.
(Photos from the wedding as well as my recent show at Bastard and an old folder of stuff from the F.A.B. Royal Tea Party thing I DJed at in Vienna back in November are at http://snipurl.com/mroo
Thursday was to the opening of a photogrpahy exhibition for Olympus which featured my very good and talented buddy Paul Plews’ work and without being completely biased, it was the best stuff their despite their being pretty big names appearing (http://snipurl.com/mrld scroll down. One of Pauls' is on the left.)I went as half Holestar half MiSTARess. Because I’m an attention seeking whore.
Was dragged into the corner by two chaps who turned out to be former racing car drivers and photographer Barry Lategan took my photo.
Struted around slagging a lot of the work off (not very inspiring), ate canapés being served from suitcases and drank peach champagne.
Amanda De Cadenet turned up (looks quite nice in the flesh. Her father Alain was one of the aforementioned drivers) with her rocker boyfriend and another rocker type. Was only after that I realised it was Nick Valensi and Fabrizio Moretti from The Strokes. Doh or something.
Few other naff celebs turned up but the big one for the week was yet to come....
Friends of mine Paleday were to be the house band (going under the synonym ‘Rise and Shine’) for a pilot for a new show called ‘Lotto Bingo’, a show that pretty much does exactly what it says on the tin.
I was happy for them but became rather over excited (much like a three year old on too much jelly and ice cream who is about to piss itself on the appearance of a Teletubby at their front door) when I heard the presenter was to be Mr Keith “Cheggers” Chegwin (that is exactly how he was introduced) and secured myself a place in the audience.
Friday I toddled down to Wembley to see the man in action. What a ledged he is (this is the man who got his peanut out to the nation. Cheesy childhood hero into cult status in my book) and seemed to have a genuine enthusiasm for the show.
I managed to get invited the wrap party (and eat even more fancy canapés with Kate Robbins (who was rather glam) and meet the man himself. He smokes like a chimney and doesn’t seem to turn off the sunshine - just wanted to hug him.
Asked him if he would sign my wristband thing (which was numbered #1). He said “You’re mad you are” and I replied “Yes but you are a ledged sir”.
Indeed he is.
The show itself was…well OK but can’t see myself staying in to play/watch it if it gets commissioned but would be nice to see Cheggers back on the TV bless him. (If they can let Edmonds back on….)
Abused the free bar facility once again and ended back eating chip butties at Toine and Steves place in West Hampstead.
Was due to go to Fabric and The End over the weekend which didn’t happen due to severe lack of funds.
Life in London has been quite tricky so far. Still technically homeless.
Stayed with Mattcatt for a bit (many thanks dear) and now in another temporary abode near Regents Park (very nice.) Getting work, well I’ve had calls a plenty from prospective clients who have turned out to be time wasting idiots/
Had one chap who wanted me to force him to eat worms and maggots (he asked
whether I’d like them dead or alive, I almost broke into song…) another wanting to consume what I excrete from my body in the morning (Not my bag). One chap wanted to force himself to be sick and for me to scold him for it and quite a few for the usual strap-on and/or feminisation treatment.
There were many more and suffice to say, all of these turned out to be time wasting twats so I’m looking into some escort work. Might be a bit tricky as I don’t do any sexual activities with clients and I don’t fit into a size 10 dress (or a 14 for that matter) but I’m sure there must be some rich business types who would like to take me to dinner and have their arse kicked afterwards. Aren't there?
I have been a Pro Domme for about six years now and it goes with the territory that you have endless calls from people wasting your time who enjoy the fantasy but unable to face the reality of being abused by a Dominant woman. I understand that for many men, coming to terms with their fears and desires is difficult (egos to contend with) but I wish the twatocks wouldn’t bother me.
I actually have respect for those who make the call and actually turn up regardless of the humiliating situation I may put them through.
I've a show (no money, private Birthday thing) on Saturday which I hope opens a few doors but as in all business, its never what you know, it's whose dick you have in your mouth.
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