The hills are most certainly alive...

Oh my! Well I have just spent a most marvellous weekend away from Vienna.
I was invited by a lovely chap who we shall call Phillip (because that is his real name) to go away for the weekend to his Aunts hotel in Obertraun ( (I know, sounds like.....never mind) opposite the pretty town Hallstatt via Hallstattersee (big lake)) and to go to a beer festival in Altausseer.

After a rather painful journey (listening to Madonna’s ‘Remixed and Revisited’ album made me realise that moving to England is the worst move she has ever made-dodgy acting withstanding.) We arrived at the hotel on the Friday night and got slightly tilted. (The highlight was going in and out of the kitchen for ahem ‘stuff’ and one lady who is old enough to know better joining in).

Was sharing a small room with two guys who promised me they wouldn’t be ‘dooing-the-do’ while I was in there. I was woken twice with “uuh uhh” sex noises. Now I don’t mind that so much, it’s just annoying when I’m not getting any myself.

I awoke to a beautiful view of a lake and mountains-stunning. A few of us decided to hire a little motor boat for a while and take it out on the lake and then sat by the lake and had ice cream. Though I’m a city girl-I do savour moments like that.

So off to the beer festival.
Now this is the Austrian countryside where it is peaceful, serene, conservative, twee. Everyone else at the event would be wearing lederhosen and dirndl (the lady dress) and not having much money to hire one-I decided to drag up-attention seeking whore that I am.

When we arrived I thought there are two ways I can handle this-the bitchy, ‘what the fuck are you looking?’ at mode or ‘woo-hoo hello!’ method. I chose the later reminding myself that it was my choice to dress up and I was probably going to be the only piece of fabulous they have ever seen in the flesh.

As you can imagine, I made quite an entrance. We were quite a large group (thankfully) and I just went around saying hello to everyone. Oddly, it was men that seemed quite entertained by my presence. A lot of women gave me rather snide looks until I’d go into their face and say “Hey!”
When we entered the main tent-well it’s a sight I shan’t forget. I wish I had a camera just to record the peoples reaction-priceless. I chatted to a few people, was called Liza Minnelli and Tina Turner (? on both counts), ate some chicken without cutlery (undivalike I know but a girl’s gotta eat. Unfortunately, the camera’s caught the action) and abused a few folk too-but in a comedy way. I’ve never seen the point of being a spiteful bitch like many Drag Queens. I do have my moments though.

Stripped of the drag once people were drunk and getting slightly hostile (sober-I was a fun novelty, drunk-I became a strange oddity) but I don’t regret doing it.

After I was treated to a liquid e cocktail which sent proceedings in another direction. The band (Austrian folk, traditional tunes, polka’s etc) were ’keeping it real’ and then started to play ’It’s raining men’. After I stopped laughing, I climbed on the table and started screaming ’gay gay gay’ at pretty much everybody (well we had kind of created our own gay ghetto in the tent). They also covered YMCA, Viva Espana and The Final Countdown. So very wrong but so right.

We then went on to a little local club for local people. An eclectic soundtrack of Bon Jovi, Annie Lenox, Chuck Berry, Bob Marley, Rolling Stones, Roxy Music and a guy as old as my father made the moves on me. Flattered yes but his moustache just wasn’t rocking it for me.

One of the group went and got some prog house CDs and again we turned it into a gay ghetto. One chap took his top off-maybe he thought he was at ‘Crash’.

Again-I was chucked in a room with two other blokes. Luckily, they went back to the hotel and didn’t go to the bar so got the sex out of their systems (as I could see/smell by the state of the room when I staggered in at silly o‘clock.).

Sunday-long relaxing brunch, chilled and took another trip out on the lake (Discovered that I am rubbish at driving boats.)

All in all, it was one of the best and most surreal weekends I’ve had in Austria. Laughed, drank, danced, got tilted and caused my own mini riot in the Austrian countryside. Fabulous!

(Many thanks go to Gabi at the hotel for being such a wonderful host and Christine for styling my wig!) See the photos here (‘weiter’ takes you to the next page)

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