Gay Christmas, Minty and adios Starsky


Cor blimey guv, London is a hot bed of activity at the moment pour moi.

The gig at the crappy place I don’t really care about got cancelled (incompetent maybe, time wasting definitely) and though the cash would have been nice, I don’t like being fannyed around so fuck it.

Popped along to my old college’s graduate show behind the OXO Tower. Seemed a little too ambitious and expensive a location to pull passing trade and industry folk in. Plus while there were a few good bodies of work, it still had the repetition of landscapes and biography. I think they learned not to take on art types like me since my three years of BDSM, bum holes, sexuality, gender and nonsense. Hawhawhaw. I revel in being the black sheep .

Also had a good natter with one of my mentors, John Donaldson. We met the previous night and pondered what Sarah Barnes is up to now (worth pointing out that both John and Sarah were contextual studies lecturers. I honesty don’t think I’d be doing the stuff I’m doing now if it weren’t for them opening my mind. But it means I can never switch my bloody brain off to analysing advertising, modern media and art).

Interestingly, Sarah and I had a huge argument in my second year at Blackpool where it felt like it would end in a slapping match. We cleared things up and she became a mentor and mate. Cheers to you Ms Barnes wherever you may be.

That weekend was Euro Pride which I like to call Gay Christmas. First met up at Colins flat and then joined a party at Positive Futures (UK coalition for people living with HIV and AIDS) (www.e-pif.org.uk) where I was asked to remove my fake tits with the word ‘Queer’ written over them in marker as it might offend someone. PC gone mad. I dutifully removed the offending items and was then told to watch out for their float on the parade as it would feature men in tiny thongs and harnesses. Bit of a contradiction there me thinks.

We sipped Pims in the sun, waved at the gay service men and women and cackled at truly hideous drag .

On to Soho Square for a boogie. Got rather bored quickly as the DJ couldn’t mix for shit and was playing quite dull music so we trundled off to Old Compton Street where things became rather messy where one of our party kept shovelling K up his nose (which ran straight back out) and consequently fall off the tables he was dancing on, another nearly started a fight with a bunch of tarts selling pink cowboy hats (oh the capitalisation of the pink pound!) and then flashed her tits at the pastel wearing straight folk over at Mary Poppins and I got my fake knockers continually squeezed by men, women and children.

Ended up staying there for the rest of the day (where I kept running in and out of the bar to check on the football.) and was the funniest and fun Prides ever.

Stick yer commercial park Pride events up yer hoop. Having it around Soho is far more fun. The DJ played Stevie V - Dirty Cash followed up with Technotronic - Pump up the jam and the whole street went chicken oriental. Unfortunately some girl came on and it all went a bit down tempo and parp.
Know. Your. Audience. If they are rocking out and screaming out for classics, probably best to give them what they want.


I don’t think I’ve been that battered in ages. I ended up laughing at a postcard of Princess Diana on Greek Street as she had a green head. Well she did through my eyes.

Had to return to Colins for a bit to chill out as I was expected across town for Daves final night out on the tiles. Calmed down a bit but was still pretty wired when I met everyone at La Perla (for cocktails not lingerie) in Covent Garden. Dave had some tart hanging off him who he’d met online who seemed to know quite a bit about me despite Dave not mentioning Holestar to her. Bloody myspace. We dubbed her ‘Paris’. Parasite probably more appropriate.
Doing my head in a large fashion but soon fucked off when she wasn’t getting enough attention. Shame that.

All went to Button Down Disco which was sweaty fun. Still pretty pickled, danced to some pretty ace trash pop and oddly became quite randy and wanted to do rude things to someone who I adore as a friend (sorry for freaking you out mate ;-) PHOTOS HERE

Sunday, met Dave, Dan and Amy (who is 19 going on 50. One of these people who seems to look at life through pessimistic and dark sunglasses. Nice enough girl but doesn’t seem to enjoy being young) in Barley Land (or Hoxton Square to give it its actual name). Few beers, went for Vietnamese and a few more beers with Rich and Tom.

Didn’t cry saying goodbye to Dave but was pretty miserable during the week. Half come down, half loosing one of my best buddies. I know he’ll be popping back but it really isn’t the same. My kidneys will probably thank him for his departure though.

Monday was a gig at The Spitz. After John’s band pulled out and another band did, I ended up being the headliner to a bunch of acoustic stuff..

I have the utmost respect for anyone who gets up on stage and does their thing live but I really can’t stand to hear middle England, middle class boys or girls singing about the hardships of being on Route 66 or yet another love lost. Each to their own but to my ears, its generic parp.

Was nice to have a few chums from Blackpool turn up and that they were surprised by my performance. See, I do kick arse when I want to.


Thursday unfortunately was the final Bastard at The Asylum as it has had too many problems and has had to close. It’s the small, intimate, grimy, sweaty little place that makes Bastard what it is. The ones at 93 Feet East are OK but it really isn’t the same where the ‘randoms’ outnumber the gybo collective.

I ended up putting up Jimmi Jammes who came all the way over from Chile to play for the night after going to the naughty bar on Hanway Street. When Mark told him to play one more track, a few of us went up and told him to play the best track he had (preferably a big ol’ boot like Freelance Hell raisers ’A Stroke of Genius’). Unfortunately he put on the worst record he had played all night after a great set.

Mike Cartel ended up putting on the final tune which was Josh Consoles ‘Bastard 97 made me do it’.
Mark the owner killed it half way through saying ‘I said one more, that’s about 5 different songs’. We all screamed that that was the whole point. Hadn’t he been listening to any of the music being played over the last four years?

A shame Bastard is over at The Asylum but what a way to go out. RIP.

Bastard 101 was at 93 Feet East. Tom played a stormer (this guy is going to be big if he gets the right breaks) and my baby Josh Console (who is the future of music. I keep banging on about it but he has the talent, sense of humour and enthusiasm for new things that will make him a star. Just hope he doesn’t become an arse hole or get fucked over by the industry) finished off the night in style (turning it all the way up to 11 at one point which was a bit noisy).

Sly beer at Troy (which seems to be the regular post 93 Feet East bar) but didn’t stop around long as they were playing free jazz which is rather irritating. It seems to be a battle for who can play their instruments the loudest and the obligatory solo. When I was younger, I often fancied playing the saxophone, now it goes right through me. Urgh.

Saturday was the first performance of the first MINTY track in ten years; It’s A Game-Part 2 at Kashpoint (bit of a stress with outfit and getting the track in time to learn it). The venue, Area in Vauxhall (I didn’t really like it to be honest. Ceiling too high, stage obstructed by the stairs which it is part of, and never managed to get the atmosphere going despite the friendly vibe and some ace music).


Show itself was OK. The sound engineer was a bit rubbish by putting the wrong track on (those who know me well know my frustration with crap sound engineers. I’m sure good ones exist. Somewhere.) and the crowd were a bit flat. VIDEO


Don and Josh of Pirate Soundsystem and Dan came along to boogie (Josh and Don looking fetching in their frocks-I love straight boys in dresses) and had a pretty good night I believe.
Best part of the night was running into the small room where Golf Sale were playing my funeral song ‘Bizarre Inc - Playing with Knives’ (I want them crying and raving in the aisles) followed by ace pop parp.
Mariah Carreys ‘All I want for Christmas is you’ had Josh and Dan on the stage having it large and were joined onstage with a guy who made my video piece ‘All I want for Kashpoint is You’ the Beadle-esque piece it is. CLICKY THIS

I had a snog with a girl who was quite hilarious but a fucking pussy tease. After all her bullshit about having a shag in the loo, soon as we got there she gave it all ‘oh no don’t do that’. Minge teasing bastard. Can’t stand girls who do that to men, even worse when they do it to me. Cnuts.
Was apologetic after but told her I don’t like playing games. She said she was a bitch, I told her I was a bigger bitch and I don’t like bullshit so bye bye.


Basically the Minty track features samples from this years Big Brother (particularly Nikki screeching and Pete beat boxing) and me wailing over the top of. And is available to download HERE

Was quite surprised when Mathew Glamorre called to ask if I wanted to be on the new Minty track to be honest. Didn’t take long to say yes.
Leigh Bowery is a huge inspiration to me and many other queer gender benders and his innovative art and fashion is still very much evident in the klub kids of Kashpoint. Who is there now? There are quite a few people who could be regarded stalwarts of the alternative scene but there is nobody to me who really stands out above it all. There are people I admire but nobody I really look up to.

If I had to list key inspirations it would be John Waters, Divine, Leigh Bowery, Cindy Sherman, Annie Sprinkle, Bruce Nauman, Jeff Koons, Madonna, The Prodigy and The KLF.

But then again, I don’t aspire to be like anyone, just quite happily carving out a niche for myself in the space in-between where I seem to be. Rejected by the super commercial, rejected by the desperately avant guarde - not in any “cool” gang, . Between genders, sexuality, music and art with a sense of humour. I may flit between the two but I’m quite chuffed about how things are going at the moment (though being paid would be a bonus.)

I’ve already had a few people bitching about my involvement with Minty and franky, don’t give a crap. Yes I’m a solo artist but it is merely a collaboration and that is something I will continue to do. Some people have too much time on their hands to bitch about trivial matters that have nothing to do with them. I’m not interested in petty bitching fights. Each to their own I say.


Sunday had a meeting with Don and Josh about Pirate. There will be an ace party or two coming your way soon should you be up for a proper knees and dressing up. Yaaar, believe the hype.

The following week I did a ditty for Dusty Os 40th Birthday bash at Trannyshack. Were quite a lot of people on the bill. Some couldn’t do with playing just one track and did 2,3 or 4. The show lasted 2 hours in all and was obvious that the crowd were getting quite tired. Had a Tranny chaser follow me around after. Probably though I was a bloke. Oh dear. Photos here

Since then did a Minty photo shoot with the lovely Paul Morgan for the PR stuff, seen a few clients (Military scenes seem to be very popular at the moment-luckily I’m very good at the role play) and spending a small fortune at internet cafes as the mad bitch downstairs finally decided that I couldn’t use her internet (despite her saying yes no problem many a time, my offering her money for it and getting a router). Said it was an omen and not meant to be. Eh? Wish the lunatic had told me when I first moved in. She now doesn’t speak to me or Angela in the house. Refuses to do any of the cleaning, buy bog roll and keeps using my toiletries. Twat.

Off to MC at a fashion show in Italy next week (with someone I used to shows with in Austria. Nice people but not very organised.) Fly into Venice and would have been nice to have stayed a few days but they’ve booked me to fly right out-bah.

Here is a direct link to me in that George Michael video, all hair and attitude.

In the meantime, download the Minty tune (Pirate Soundsystem mix coming very soon and it will bit the shit I know it) and have an ice cream.

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