George Michael and bitchy women (Gah!)

Ended up to see some dire gay play in the west end with Colin and a few others a while back.

Can’t remember the name but it had something to do with Dorothy. Despite using every gay cliché in the book and pretty primary school feel to the whole thing, it was throwaway nonsense with a few mildly amusing bits. Just glad I didn’t pay to see it.

Later that week I had a call from my (so far a bit pointless) agent.
Did I want to be in George Michaels new video? Erm …aye.

So Friday morning, full drag at Pineapple Studios in Covent Garden. Lady (Lusty) Lloyd (Trannyshacks door slut) was there, burlesque performers, dancers and a whole menagerie of drag queens who looked like they’d just stepped off a Pride float (looking good but generic glittery drag really).
Had to shimmy and pout at the camera for a bit and that was it.
Was told if I wasn’t called at 6 that evening, I hadn’t got it.

No call so went out on the sauce to 93 Feet East for the World Cup opener with the Cartel boys behind Bastard and a few bands (The Blood Arm were pretty good. Great front man-larked around on the speakers like a fool. That’s what I want to see in the lead, entertain me!).

Lenlow and Kenlow were over from the States, the E-Jitz boys were down from Aberdeen and was pretty much a who’s who of the mong board (my beloved GYBO). I drank way too much vodka and despite a few niggles with silly things, was a great night all-round. PICS

Saturday was England’s first World Cup match. Now since I left the Army, I’ve not had much of an interest in pig ball. Only reason I ever did when I was in was there was bugger all else to do at the weekend but drink beer and watch football. I don’t really support any team (though have very vaguely supported Liverpool since I was 7 for some odd reason) except England.

I woke with a hangover and a call from my (vague) agent saying that I was actually a maybe for the George Michael video and they had spent so long casting, hence no call.
Just had to wait for an OK from Mr Michael and I was in but still a maybe.

Jo Zephyr had a BBQ at her house for the occasion where we all wore hats. Because hats are always a good thing. I had a Viking horn affair but my personal favourite being Jools MF rocking a cute sparkly red pill box hat. Work it! (PHOTOS)

I wasn’t drinking as I was a bit shaky from the previous night and probably a good idea as in the evening I had a call saying I had got the job and had to be in Acton at 8am. On a Sunday.

Arrived on time (a first I think) and at first, nobody seemed to know what was going on so was whisked from wardrobe, makeup, hair, makeup and wardrobe again. There were only 20 extras in all and rather than just a disco background shot, we all had our own routines on a big Hype Williams style black n blingin stage.

I was very surprised they chose me as there were loads of Trannys at audition and I was the only one selected. Maybe because I’m the Tranny without that little bit extra.

Most people there were dancers, some from Paris, one gal from L.A. Valeria Dragova (real name too) is a fierce, gorgeous burlesque ballet performer, Juliet and Derek who were ace androgynous models, Polly who does the VIP at Heaven and has been on the scene for years, some fantastically fabulous dancers and simply everyone there in the cast and crew were professionals at the top of their game and everyone got on really well.

The most interesting characters and a genius piece of casting were two old twins from Paris with bright ginger hair who were as spooky as The Shinning twins. Didn’t speak to anyone and practised their routine endlessly. I suggested we run a book to guess their age and if either had ever had sex. Always in synch, same clothes, same gestures. Constantly in conspiracy whispering to each other.

George turned up at one point though his part of the shoot was on Monday. Very casual, no fanfare and seemed like a chilled guy. Looking pretty good too. Didn’t get to speak to him but nodded to each other while sat in a chair waiting to go on stage. Was wearing slightly dirty trainers too which is refreshing to see.

When his wardrobe turned up, my goodness. The makeup artist (Billy, ace woman) and I sat watching agog when a van full of Barneys of New York, Paul Smith, Selfridges, Harvey Nicks etc gear being carted in just for Mr Michael. How the other half live eh?

They had me in a big wig, tuxedo, corset and cane ensemble which looked fierce but had me sweating like a fat heifer in a marathon. In heels.

Had to do a routine which had me grabbing my boobs, twirling the cane around and generally being slutty and bitchy. Not so hard to work. Hardest part was strutting on the stage in stripper slutty heels on the stage which was like a big black mirror.

After we’d all done our routines (some in pairs, others solo) we had a group shot of us all swinging our hand in the air like we just didn’t care (Jake the Directors words were something on the lines of “You are blissed out on Ecstasy, it’s running through your veins”. That was probably the toughest part of the shoot with all 20 of us on stage, squished together under hot lights.
Some people were whinging about the time and their heels hurting but I tried to stay pro and positive. Showbiz doesn’t run on a 9-5 basis and my god, how boring it would be if it was.

All in all, was there for almost 17 hours but it was a great day and very humbling to be around such talented and nice people. Just hope I get in the final cut somewhere. Have no idea when it’ll be out but it should look bangin’. Shame the song has little in the way of a chorus or hook (sorry George!)

Had a nice chilled out day with Dave on the Monday (gutted I missed the Sunday Brick Lane and DTPM wrongness the night before) and still trying to sort out the internet thing with the girl downstairs who seems to have a problem communicating with people in a reasonable manner.

I’m learning tolerance that I never knew I had. Having lived on my own for about 13 years, I’m used to doing things my own way and only now learning to deal with other peoples habits and behaviour. Still confirms to me that I hate living with women. The fact they don’t communicate with each other in a civil manner is winding me up and have told them both I’m not interested in their petty squabbles and that they should have the guts to say things to each others faces instead of tittle tattling behind each others backs. Bloody bitchy women.

Not sure why I have always got on better with men both hetro and homo. Just prefer male company to female. Less bullshit, more straight forward and direct, problems get sorted out quicker and generally more fun.

This Saturday was a BBQ at Jools’ house in Stoke Newington. Despite a conversation about people never seeing me pissed (as I’m usually sick if I drink too much so like to stay on the fun side of tipsy) I got quite a bit wobbly (might have had something to do with the spliffage too though). Big Fun. PHOTOS

Sunday was another chilled one with Dave who is leaving in a few weeks to move to Aberdeen who I’m going to miss a hell of a lot (as well he knows.)

Next Saturday is my official Birthday Booze Up Bonanza. Sod it, if the queen can have one, why can’t I? It amazes me that someone so rich can look like she’s still going to Sue Ryder for her frocks and bags.

If anyone I haven’t invited who fancies a day of debauchery in my back garden (no that’s not a synonym for something else), send a PM or such like.
The theme is come as me (in my glamorous or kinky guise, not my day to day butchness).

Got a few gigs coming up but nothing major yet.
Have already started research for my Fine Art Masters and have some top ideas but need some funding for equipment which is proving tricky.

Until next time kittens remember, Many a muckle makes a muckle.

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