Sex tips for boys who have sex with girls....
I love men. Ever since I was 3 and befriended Spenser next door, they've always been my favourite gender to be friends with. On the flip…they are the worst when it comes to intimacy, relationships and sex.
I term my sexuality as queer or metamorphosexual (big nod to Annie Sprinkle). I don't wish to define my gender output ("I'm not a woman, I'm not a man, I am something that you'll never understand"…cheers Prince) or sexuality. I've known too many women who have been rejected by hypocritical lesbian communities when they have decided to have it off with men. I find this abhorrent and actively support anyone who wants to play with their sexuality as long as its safe, sane and consensual.
I guess society finds it easier to judge if you label yourself as one thing or another and while I tend to lean towards women sexuality, I wouldn't rule out a bit of boy fun.
Then again, I haven't had sex with a man for 7 years. I've enjoyed sex with men in the past but yet to find one who really does it for me like a women can.
I recently came out of a relationship and not looking for another at the moment but seeking a 'friend with benefits'. Someone that I can have a laugh and hang out with but not commit to and be able to date others. This seems like the perfect arrangement because if you set this out from the beginning, nobody gets hurt (unless one falls for the other and its not reciprocated).
For the first time in a long time, I find myself fancying a bit of man sex. Unfortunately, men and women are different creatures and messages tend to get mixed.
I had a fumble with someone recently that I probably shouldn't have and while in that kind of situation (and despite my Dominatrix day job), I tend to get a bit cuddly and slushy (I'm crippling the illusion that Dominatrix's are bitches all the time…truth is, none of them are. Sorry for destroying the fantasy ). This was read as me being more emotionally involved and wanted more when in fact, my loins were screaming out for a seeing too and they were the most available person that I trusted.
Men who have set out for a one nighter often get frustrated with women who get clingy after they've had sex, but they forget that for a large percentage of women, there is a biological thing going on where they feel attached to someone they've been intimate with even if they don't rationally see a future in a relationship.
I may be out of line here but men do generally think with their dicks. I believe that to be biological and not something to blame them for…just the way it is. Its there hanging around out front all the time…it's a matter of control.
Gay men have the casual sex situation locked down. The cottage/cruising/sauna culture allows men to have nameless, faceless sex without emotional connection. Unfortunately, the same doesn't exist for women (and I'm not particularly keen on places like the Candy Bar…I don't want to be forced to listen to RnB and funky house to get laid).
It makes perfect sense for people have sex with their own gender; we know our bodies quite well and are more likely to be able to handle someone's body that is similar to our own. Just because men and women slot into each other doesn't mean its going to be any good, we're different creatures.
I guess we all just want to be loved at the end of the day and sex is always better with someone you love but if you are able to have that at home with someone who understands that you want random (and safe) sex elsewhere, all the better. (Saying that, I've always been monogamous when in a relationship, doesn't mean I haven't thought about it though).
Now then…the reason why I initially wanted to write my own 'sex tips for boys who have sex with girls' was because of my own past experiences and a slight hope if any boys read it…they might go out and service my sisters better. A lot of men think they are the hotness when it comes to sex but a few tips can't hurt eh boys?
1 - Its always awkward to bring up in conversation beforehand but don't act like it might be more than a one nighter if you have no intention of seeing her after just because you're hard and want to get it on. Try and engage the brain for just a little while or it might be more hassle later.
2 - Kissing. Getting it right is a major bonus. I've often got more out of and have a better memory of a really good passionate snog than full sex.
3 - Do not put the girls hand on your crotch when you have a hard on. We're not stupid, we know you are excited, we'll get to it eventually. Only slightly worse than this is the clumsy pushing of the head to the crotch. Urgh.
4 - Some girls like a good hard shag. Some girls like it soft. Some like a bit of both. (I'm more of the later myself). Ask or work it out from her reactions.
5 - A large majority of women reach orgasm by stimulation of the clitoris. This is fact so learn how to use it. Biggest tip I can give you here is to read The Hite Report by Shere Hite. I've convinced quite a few folk both male and female to read this book and all have said their sex life has benefited. It should be taught on the international curriculum. (Hell, I didn't know my body was capable of 9 orgasms in one session until I read it.)
6 - You can ask her to do something differently if its not working for you. Unless she's a complete cow she'll respond to it and probably learn from it.
7 - Those women in porn who are screaming through mere penetration are being paid to put on a convincing show. Look at the close up, she's probably dry down there, ie she's not actually enjoying it. Get her steamed up before entering all guns blazing.
8 - Most woman don't care about the size of your knob as long as its clean. The G-spot is only a few inches inside so size doesn't really matter except aesthetically.
9 - Good personal hygiene is a must (unless you are planning to score with a crack head). BO or a cheesy knob is a major turn off. (My own are also ear wax, really smelly feet and bad teeth).
10 - Make some noise and not just the ceremonial grunt at the end. It reassures us you like what we are doing. Some girls like dirty talk, some don't but we all want to hear you are enjoying yourself. And if she compliments you, say something nice back, its only polite.
11- No matter how gorgeous she is, most girls have hang ups about their body. If you want to keep her perky and she’s uncomfortable about you touching her stomach/bum/tits/whatever, don't and aim for something else.
12 - Always play it safe and use protection even if she's on the pill. A trip to the clap clinic isn't fun and does sod all for anyone's self esteem.
13 - Don't roll over and go to sleep/get up and go home as soon as you've come. After working as a Domme for over 8 years, I've watched in fascination how quickly men change after the money shot (though not by my hand. I don't do any sex acts with my clients though they are welcomed to shuffle themselves at the end). Feeling regret or awkwardness after you've got jiggy with it is all good and well but behaving like a twat after makes the girl feel like shit and karma's a bitch.
14- We don't all want to marry you (though some girls do get a bit psycho). If we want a cuddle afterwards, its to reassure you still like us.
15 - If you are contacting her through a web site, sending pictures of your knob, calling her a slut, how you want to make sexy with her or using txt spk might not get you far. Men who are looking for casual sex out number women tremendously (you only have to go to a sex club or see the casual relationships section on gumtree.com to see by how much) so you need to make an impression to stand out from the other pussy hungry boys out there. A good head shot, some witty banter and interesting info about you is more likely to get a response.
16 - Girls who want casual, no strings attached, consensual sex are not slags. Social conditioning tells us that women are either whores or wives but this is a pile of outdated, defunct biblical arse and is unjust. Women are entitled to a good seeing to as much as men. Unfortunately, a common label doesn't exist for a man who sleeps around but plenty for women.
This is a new millennium and as long as people are playing safe, keeping it consensual and nobody is getting emotionally screwed, just physically…I can't see a problem.
I'm probably going to get a barrage of abuse but this is not a definitive list. And if you're offended and don't take this as the friendly bit of advice its intended to be….well you probably have a porn collection so vast that the idea of having sex with a real women scares the be Jesus out of you.
Right, I'm off to find a 'friend with benefits' and I don't care what it has between its legs!