Can I find my ideal partner online?

In March 2015, bored of having no sex for a while, I got into swinging. Yes swinging. It's not pampas grass and keys in a bowl but consensual adult fun. A lot like playing tennis but with smaller balls. There's a bit of (temporary) love, lines that aren't to be crossed, a whole lot of swing and can be ace. I've had a lot of fun, learnt a lot about myself and don't think I could ever go back to mainstream societies busted model of monogamy. 

I host a monthly fetish/BDSM/swinging night and private members club Le Boudoir and currently in the process of writing a full length sex positive show about my exploits. I'd like to bring regular vanilla folk into non conventional cabaret spaces and perform it where adults have consensual sex, like swingers clubs and saunas. Well it it worked for Bette Midler.

I've also realised that I miss the one to one theatre of being a Dominatrix. I was a non scene Domme for ten years but the drag took off and dislocated my knee onstage at Glastonbury which halted that (a Mistress in flats isn't a great look). I don't need to go back into it but I enjoy it. There's a lot of admin and time wasters but when you get someone on the same page and can have a mutually enjoyable time, it's fantastic.
So I'm back again as MiSTARess (didn't want to be Mistress Doris so kept the star theme alive).

Despite being adamant I didn't want a relationship at the beginning of my swinging exploits, I've had a change of heart. I miss dating, intimacy and companionship. Conventional dating sites and apps suck so here's me playing Weird Science, inventing my ideal partner like a mad scientist. Not sure this person exists but hey, don't ask, don't get.

Gender unimportant. I'm queer, pansexual. I like people. I didn't have sex with men for twelve years (no cock embargo, just was with women) until I got into swinging. I like women.  
I like chaps. I like trans people. I like crossdressers and TVs. I like anyone comfortable in their own skin. Bit of a sapiosexual too. If you can make me laugh, you're halfway there.

You must be open minded, I don't live a conventional 9 to 5
 lifestyle. As well as returning to being a Dominatrix, I'm a female drag queen. I perform, DJ, host stuff. I've won an award for it. I love drag and while it doesn't consume my life, it's a big part of it. 

I'm a big girl. Strong legs, decent teeth, big tum, not a horse. Some folk are happy to casually see burly girls like me but not date us. If you wouldn't be happy walking down the street with me or introduce me to your chums, go find a nice passive slender girl in a floaty dress. I'm no stunner but I like an attractive face. Good teeth a bonus. Confidence is sexy, not arrogance. If you're sporty type, good for you. Just don't expect me to join in.

I don't want children. Have no need to breed. Deal breaker, no kids.  I share a dog with my ex girlfriend, that's about enough responsibility I can handle. He's amazing by the way.
Despite the tough exterior, I'm a massive romantic. If you're not into cuddles and snogging, we won't get on.  

Money doesn't motivate me, happiness does. I spend what little money I have on traveling. I like being treated but not arsed with diamonds and handbags. If you've got money, groovy but it don't impress me muchAs long as you've enough to treat me to a bag of chips, that'll do. Thought that counts.

Now Pandora's Box has been opened, don't think I can go back to exclusive monogamy. I want a primary partner, someone to love but I'd like the option of playing with others. This could be together, in a polyamorous relationship or a cuckold situation (if you're that way inclined). This doesn't mean we screw others behind each others back, I've no time for cheating. All agreed, consensual non monogamy with open communication. Through swinging, I've met some incredible couples where it works. I want that.

I love BDSM but more than ok being in a vanilla (non kinky) relationship. If you're submissive and expecting me to clack around in heels all day, fulfilling your kinks, book an appointment.

You must live in London (no time for long distance), be single, fun, honest, kind, curious about life and have a ruddy good sense of humour. No bores, cheats, liars or vegans. 
I'm quite laid back but won't be arsed around with. You get one chance with me. Blow it and you're out. 

Shot in the dark but if this sounds like you, drop me a line at mistaress at A bit about yourself and clear photos please. 
No face, no response.
And no dick pics thanks. They're much of a muchness. Seen one, seen em all.