Take Me On : Article for Beige

Article I wrote for Beige.I quite enjoy this published opinion lark

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HOLESTAR ON GAY MEN, CASUAL SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS

Holestar on Gay Men, Casual Sex and Relationships

Gay men and casual sex go together like Essex girls and orange tans, it’s a cliché but a stereotype that is often true.

A casual observer, or Daily Mail Reader, might look at popular gay media and assume that homosexual men are only interested in random sex, hedonism, all night discos playing repetitive house music and being in the gym getting that perfect body. There is nothing wrong with that lifestyle but there is very little that endorses the alternative, particularly being in a loving gay relationship.

On the flip side, gay women are almost actively encouraged to nest within a very short space of time of meeting. Judging by the lesbian press, gay women are expected to be only interested in politically correct causes, ethically sourced goods, maudlin singer songwriters, investing in a suburban property and adopting a dog, child or both.

There are numerous queer people who defy these stereotypes, though it is easy to see why people fall into them. But what of the gay couple who have been together for thirty plus years and spend their weekends watching football or the lesbian who wears six inch heels and doesn’t do second dates? To stereotype people so acutely is as tired as a drag queen telling misogynist jokes about vaginas.

Promiscuity is fine (play safe and rubber up!). A casual bonk can be quickly summoned on Grindr and discussing random sex is socially acceptable, but what about gay men who are defying the so-called accepted norm and looking for a relationship? Someone to share your ups and downs, cake, bath and Victoria Wood DVD collection with. Many gay men have confided in me that they are fed up of one nighters, cruising, saunas and cottaging and long for a boyfriend but feel embarrassed to tell others.

I’m not a dating agency and certainly don’t have all the answers, but my new show Take Me On, aims to challenge single minded sex culture in the form of a fun, boozy game show. I’m hoping to open up a dialogue about gay relationships in a fun and informal way, so gay men can out themselves (again) and admit they are looking out for love. As queers we’re automatically fabulous but it’s perfectly OK to want to want what they (the straight heteronormative majority) purports to have, though with far superior soft furnishings.

Take Me On is a gay dating game show at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern on Thursday 16th and Friday 17th August at 10pm as part of the Hot AugustFringe. Prizes courtesy of Dalston Superstore http://dalstonsuperstore.com/

After Friday’s show, the RVT turns into POP! with DJ John Sizzle & Duchess of Pork where a live #takemeon Twitter feed will be screened for those wanting to join in.

By Holestar

www.holestar.com

Facebook event link https://www.facebook.com/events/131097170363276/

Ticket link http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/user?query=search&region=xxx&category=misc&search=holestar&x=0&y=0

Take Me On: Holestar’s Seven Top Tips For Finding Love

Article I wrote for This Is Cabaret regarding my new gay dating game show, Take Me On at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern.
 

Every year, more and more freaks, weirdoes, outsiders and homosexuals relocate from their small towns to the big city in search of work, stardom and love. With such a large gay scene in London, how does a modern gayer find love in the metropolis? Ahead of her new show at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, Holestar lets us in on her top tips for finding a boyfriend.

Holestar’s dating show can be seen at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern on 15 and 16 August.

As many newcomers to London discover, there’s an endless buffet of sex, drugs and parties but once you’ve tired of cold cruising areas, loitering in filthy cottages and getting STDs from the sauna, you require more than sleeping in the damp patch and the empty promise of “I’ll call you”.

Grindr (other sex based sites are available) still lights up like a Christmas tree when you go out, but that random fumble doesn’t make you breakfast, buy you cupcakes or contribute to the rent (and there ain’t nothing going on but the rent). It may not be considered cool and the gay media would prefer it if you stayed single but you’ve decided: now is the time to find yourself (gasp) a boyfriend.

Few gay men are ready to admit publicly they are looking for love. Gay culture is very much driven towards casual encounters and hedonism and, while there is nothing wrong with that (especially if you use a condom), if he’s not on the dance floor or at an orgy then you’re going to have to change your tic tacs.

Here are my top seven suggestions. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. Get productive. Don’t be a victim. Who said this was going to be easy? He’s not going to fall into your lap while you sit there staring into your skinny latte.

2. Come out (again) as someone looking for love. There’s no point complaining to your fag hag that all men are bastards. Get out and meet people, advertise, tell your friends and put yourself out there.

3. When advertising, be honest and upfront about what you want. When you go to a restaurant, you don’t say “give me something edible”. No, you order what you enjoy. Why should dating be any different? Be direct in what you want: “I do this, I like that.” Go for what you want, don’t settle and be confident.

4. Don’t be too specific. Just because you both share a love of obscure ABBA B-Sides and organic flour, it doesn’t mean that it’s meant to be. Compatibility is more about personality and common interests than absolute ones.

5. Avoid body fascists. They’re not happy with themselves and won’t have much time for you.

6. Be honest. Cut the mind games, phone politics and childish crap.  You’re a grown man now. Talk, if you like him say so. If it’s not working out for you, say so. If this weirds him out, he clearly isn’t worth your time — move on and repeat as necessary.

7. Believe in yourself. Stay strong and keep on trucking. And if all else fails, get yourself a dog.
Alternatively, you can enter my dating show for gay men. Take Me On will be at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern on Thursday 16th and Friday 17th August as part of their Hot August Fringe. I can’t guarantee I’ll find you love, but at least we’ll have fun trying. Enter via my website www.holestar.com.

World Pride London?

2012 is a big year for London. The Queen has just had her jubilee and the Olympics are around the corner. The sandwich filling is some limp cheese and a damp lettuce leaf. This Saturday, London hosts World Pride.

Social media has been going batshit recently about London Pride going tits up (and it's been good to see people be so pasisonate about it). To summerise; What should have been a huge global event for the capital has been reduced to a bimble down the road.

   

* There will be no vehicles or floats on the procession (though shopping trolleys will be allowed, apparently).
* Procession is now starting at 11am (I’ve yet to know a queer to be awake before 12pm at the weekend...unless they are crawling out of a club or gay dolphins (all muscles, no hair) off to the gym).

* There will be no road closures or after party in Soho.
* Club owners, managers, promoters and journalists from the gay scene have publicly slated and stated no confidence in the event.
* Money was offered late in the game, but licenses were not in place.

* Boris couldn't give a crap and has blocked Peter Tatchell from speaking at the rally in Trafalgar.
* Elton Jane walked away from the Pride House proceedings some time ago.
* The chair of the board has stepped down.

All a bit embarrassing really...

World Pride London should have been the queer Olympics. The committee has had two years to sort it out and to pull the parade (now procession) this late and dress it up as “going back to it’s activist routes” so late in the game is patronising bull poop. I’d love it if it really was about marking international homophobia and injuctice but lets not forget, London Pride changed the march to ‘parade’ sometime ago...so what’s it to be? Politics or party?

Even before the shit hit the fan, the line up of entertainment was not what you’d expect from a world event. It’s all good having a few drag queens and Boy George do a turn in a Philip Treacy hat but Deborah Cox to headline? She is a fabulous singer but very few people over here have a clue who she is. To put it into context, EuroPride 2011 in Rome had Lady GaGa. (Whatever you think of her music and attention seeking, you can’t deny the girl bangs the gay drum loudly and gets mainstream press attention for it, which can only be a good thing).

Deborah Cox is from Toronto which is the next city to host World Pride in 2014. But wait...electro goddess Peaches is also from Toronto, could they not pop her over on easyjet from Berlin?
Perhaps she’s too fringe or obscure? Deborah has 43k likes on Facebook, Peaches has 245k. Facebook 'likes' are hardly a reliable taste or quality gauge but that’s one hell of a difference and how queer is Peaches?! (Other Canadian popstars that could have been considered; Nelly Furtado, K.D. Lang, Celine Dion, Alanis Morissette, Shania Twain, Avril Lavine and everyone’s favorite lesbian, Justin Bieber).

Moving on to the afterparty....the official London World Pride after bash is porn star buffet, HustlaBall, sponsored by Rentboy.com. Well that's inclusive (...sound the sarcasm klaxon).

HustlaBalls does not represent most of London based LGBTQI people, only a mere commodifiable fraction. Sex sells but the assumption that every gay male is a waxed, hung and available is outdated and clichéd. (I’ll stop here. I’ve already rambled about this on another blog)

Pride used to be both fun and political but has been going down the u bend for sometime now. It’s current incarnation isn't inclusive and doesn’t represent me as a tutti fruity queer woman. Good luck to whoever, if anyone, picks up the mess made but it’s about time Pride London had a shake down. There have been calls for the whole board to resign and a full investigation to what went so wrong but once Saturday is over and the discarded whistles thrown to the curb, I can’t see many people bothering to care. Many will go back to pictures of LOL cats, the new series of X-Factor and a puddle of apathy.

My ideal Pride would be a peaceful, positive march, honoring those with less rights than our own and highlighting the inequality of LGBTQI people  (yes it's pretty darn good in the UK right now but we've still a way to go). 

This would be followed by a huge party full of queers, twinks, BDSM, bears, drag artists, scallys, suits, geeks, clones, jocks, goths, average folk, fashion kids, women, men, gender benders, intersex, cis and trans people, artists, disabled, young, pretty, ugly, old, fat, thin, round, square, black, white, purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red and all those many glorious shades in between (basically, people) where everyone can shake off their labels and guests to our glorious capital can sample the wonderful diversity we have.

 

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P.S. Unfortunately I won’t be mincing in a shopping trolley as I've got work commitments outside London but all the best who do attend. Be safe, be proud and please be nice to the volunteers.

P.P.S. To the annonoymous person who called me an attention seeking narcissist on my last blog. Well yes...it’s my job. What part of the Holestar memo did you not get?

The Dogs Bollocks

Last night I DJed at a place where the system kept tripping out so got up and did a show of sorts...show must go on and all that. Afterwards, got talking to two guys who wanted to manage me, how marvelous blah blah. Then told them about a project I'm doing and things went rather tits up.

My partner and I decided to castrate our adopted dog Huxley (as in Aldous…one of our mutually favorite books is Brave New World). Most vets recommend it for city dogs and though it may be against his nature, didn't want him fathering unwanted puppies. He’s quite small and don't want him getting attacked by aggressive dogs, especially the many Staffordshire Bull Terriers in the area (they can be lovely dogs but many owners around here teach them to be violent. Battersea Dogs Home is full of Staffs that can’t be homed because people can’t be arsed to train the poor things).
Rather than send his discarded testicles to the incinerator, I plan to recycle them, make some 'wearable art' and do a photo shoot with the caption “The Dogs Bollocks”.

Was then told (rather loudly and aggressively) I was an evil woman, disgusting and a nazi. How dare I glorify his loss?  I asked if Damien Hirst’s animals in formaldehyde were ok...I was told yes because he is an established artist and I'm not. (I have the same MA in Fine Art as Mr Hirst but don't have the same entrepreneurial drive and quite happy expressing myself in other ways thanks very much).

Eventually got up and went to the dressing room, they then banged on the door and screamed of my evility some more. For someone who considers themselves quite tough, I felt rather threatened.

There is no reasoning with fundamentalists, whether their thing is animals, religion, politics or Madonna, their mind is already firmly made up. It was interesting to be challenged and I was up for discussion but when I'm screamed at and compared to evil scum, well there really is little point. I wonder if it would have been different if I was using anonymous testicles from a butcher. I don’t intend to lord it up being dominant over an animal but the whole purpose of using his parts is its personal from a dog I adore rather than a random animal.

'The Dogs Bollocks" earrings is a simple creative statement, a play on British slang and a piss take of fashion. He was not hurt during the process and is a happy, loved and wonderful pooch. I don't want to offend or intend to be provocative, just happen to be drawn to the bizarre and comical. Many of my creative idols tend to be a little controversial (Robert Mapplethorpe, Annie Sprinke, Helmut Newton, Andres Serrano, John Waters, Chris Morris, Bret Easton Ellis) and that inspires and forms my outlook, so I’m not going to apologise for having twisted ideas. Just don’t expect to be attacked for them.

Anyway, I’m off to play with  Huxley in the park.

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P.S. Busy week coming up, my night Lets Get Quizzical, Wotever World Pride (where I'll be having a ramble about the London Pride shambles) and then off to DJ in Dorset at Lush Fest. How lovely.

Respect... James Baillie

Realised I haven't done one of these for a while. Others in the 'Respect' series are David Hoyle, Peter Tatchell and Scottee.
This one is about a man who has created something queer Londoners can be proud of...Mr James Baillie.

For three years now, James has been the organiser of 'Out and Out Fierce!' Sundays at Lovebox Festival which celebrates queerness and diversity without having to bang on about it. He is the man behind legendary 90s club Venus and has worked with some of the greatest musicians and DJs the UK has to offer. This year was another stellar day with music legends across the board (to name but a few; Grace Jones, Chaka Khan, Nile Rodgers, Tiga, Felix Da Housecat, Andrew Weatherall and and and and) but unfortunately didn't get to see anyone myself. (Was on the main stage with Jonny Woo before hosting and singing at the worlds best nightclub, the NYC Downlow...hark at me.)

I feel proud to be queer performing at Lovebox. It shys away from gay club cliches (as commented on in my blog The dull face of the 'generic gay') and focuses on quality music. This is its strength. It doesn't need muscles in pants, pink cowboy hats and rainbow flags to celebrate who we are; people who want a good time who just happen to be queer. It was a brilliant, very well attended day and I hope some of the gays who don't usually come east saw something different to what they are usually served on the commercial gay scene.

James deserves super props for bringing something so positive, accessible and of top quality to the capital.  He had a lot to deal with this year and could still be seen walking around with a smile on his face. He knows good music and isn't afraid to show it.

I'm out and proud but shan't be showing it off at London Gay Pride on 7th July. With London hosting World Pride this year, I would have thought there would be a stellar production it being post Jubilee and pre Olympics. Unfortunately Pride disappeared down the lavatory some time ago and is crumbling with fall outs, money issues and a lack of knowing what people want. With Deborah Cox headlining (guessing Hazel Dean and Heather Small were unavailable),  HustlaBall (porn stars galore) hosting the official after party and the usual predictable dross, it's not going to be an event that showcases the diversity gay London has to offer. Pride could learn a lot from James Baillie.

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P.S. A London gay event later this year worth noting is Summer Rites. I might be performing, yet to be confirmed.