Holestar

Respect...Scottee

2012-01-11T01:14:00.001Z

I don't understand the credibility of awards (when was the last time a nurse, youth worker or road sweeper received a fancy bauble at a lavish public ceremony) yet the omission of Scottee from the 2012 London Cabaret Awards is surprising and somewhat odd.

The short list features the deserved and fabulous talents of David Hoyle, Ryan Styles, Dickie Beau, Myra Dubois, Bourgeois & Maurice, Jonny Woo, Le Gateau Chocolat, Fancy Chance among others, but where is Scottee? (He was long listed in three categories; Alternative Performer, Host and Ongoing Production for Eat Your Heart Out.) Opinions are subjective but I feel it's a massive over sight that one of the hardest working and most progressive people in the alternative performance scene hasn't received a nod in any category.

My first encounter with Scottee was quite abrupt. He marched up to me at Kashpoint and said "I'm Yr Mum, who are you?" He later scolded me in front of a room of people for a collaboration I was honored to be part of. I found him precocious, pretentious and somewhat rude...but rather fascinating. I watched his work from the wings for some time before we bonded on the roof of the NYC Downlow at Glastonbury and now consider him lovely, charming, driven, talented and an incredibly professional individual who I have the utmost respect for.

Besides creating some fascinating work and ideas, he knows who the 'right people' are and how to maneuver himself in the cut throat business of show, which is a skill in itself. He has kept things queer with integrity, continues to push things forward politically while maintaining accessibility and deserves his prolific status in alternative performance.

Not that he needs trinkets, I'm probably more perturbed by this than he is. He told me once he was concerned about his lack of higher education. I told him I have a Fine Art Masters and it means diddly squat. From a young age, he's been out there, doing it and is better placed and more experienced as a performer, director and curator than many with twice his education and age. Does he deserve an award? Yes. Does he care? Probably not. He'd probably eat it anyway.

x

PS You can vote in the Time Out Audience Award category at https://www.facebook.com/TimeOutLondon?sk=app_248962568456729
You could vote for me if you were that way inclined but I suggest you vote for Scottee.

PPS I'm not having a go at the judges or the awards themselves, this is merely an opinion.

New Year Ramblings etc

2012-01-10T23:29:00.001Z

Happy happy merry etc

Since we (I) last spoke, I've been belting it out at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern panto, appeared in a national magazine (not a hip fashanker one...the type you'll find in dentist reception rooms..yes), did my 'DJ/sing at the same time' routine around Europe, opened the Copenhagen LGBT Film Fest, delivered more Lets Get Quizzical and my other baby POP!

The Queen of F***ing Everything EP received amazing reviews in print and online, sold darn well (thanks North America), has notched up over 5 thousand views on You Tube and two tracks from the EP appeared on separate 'best songs of the year' lists. Nice.

Also released 'Harsh Love', my collaboration with Nag Nag Nag and Atomizer star, Fil OK.

FYI...I'm on the hunt for a decent agent.....

All music up here http://soundcloud.com/holestar/sets/holestar

Holestar by Holestar

So what's coming up? More of more of course.

Lets Get Quizzical has a new monthly residency (every third Thursday of the month) and is Londons only interactive pop culture quiz that transforms into a disco. Childish fun for adults.

Next dose

Thursday 19^th January.

Dalston Superstore, 117 Kingsland High St, LDN, E8 2PB. Free entry, free to play.

Quiz from 8.30pm Dancing till 2am

POP!

Essential ingredients

1. Quality pop music from residents who know how to rock the floor
2. We don't care what you wear or who you bonk
3. Smooching encouraged (snog tags provided)

Returns Saturday 21^st Janaury with Princess Julia & Prince Nelly

Vogue Fabrics, 66 Stoke Newington Road, LDN, N16 7XB. £5 11pm to 4am

Times are tough out there, people want to be entertained, I'd rather provide fun nights out than attempt achingly cool ones and as we know..fashion is fickle, fun is forever.

Coming for 2012, I'm working towards a new accessible performance concept and HOT LASER (Queer Arts Community) will get a proper launch. The aim is to promote, endorse and digitally archive queer British based creatives. Thinking ahead you see....I'm probably not going to be wearing a wig forever (but will continue so as long as I enjoy it and people want me).

It's all good.

Holestar

Maison Twenty - Holestar T Shirts

2012-01-10T23:24:00.001Z

I designed some T shirts for the Maison Twenty project

They are going to be in Harvey Nichols too schweetie darling

Get one now from http://www.maisontwenty.com/

Happy New Year 2012

2012-01-01T14:37:00.001Z

London Cabaret Awards Nominated

2011-11-05T17:27:00.001Z

I've been long listed in the Best Drag Act category for the London Cabaret Awards......

While I'm not a fan of awards, I appreciate the nod and find it rather surprising. I've not been particularly embraced by the cabaret circuit but I've never tried to place myself in that or any scene.

Whether its singing one of my own pop dittys or reinterpreting someone elses, DJing, performing one of my monologues or hosting....I'm simply an entertainer of differing genres.
No week is ever the same and I love that I'm able and accepted to work among many different scenes, wouldn't have it any other way.

x

Interviews on Spoonfed & So So Gay

2011-11-02T01:22:00.000Z

Queen of F***ing Everything EP

2011-10-24T20:49:00.001+01:00

OUT NOW!!

Listen to whole EP
Queenof F***ing Everything EP by Holestar

Download now from iTunes and Amazon
iTunes UK
iTunes US

Amazon UK
Amazon UK

Available internationally...search your country's store

The Best Performance Art I've Seen

2011-10-09T19:17:00.001+01:00

Not a cool opinion but the vastmajority of performance art is frequently pretentious, boring and soseeped in theory or exaggerated emotion it lacks entertainment value.I hate art snobbery, the idea that entertainment is for the ignorantmasses and art for the elite. I believe in art for all...but I wantit to make me feel something...ideally something positive.

Just got back from a gig in Vienna(where I lived for four years after my degree...with the intention ofbeing a 'decadent artist' which resulted in the birth of my dragpersona) and saw one of the most endearing pieces of performance I'veseen. The performer (who I'll call Bernard...he looks like a Bernard)is simple in his approach....minimal costume (gold crown and a cape),a small box as a stage and technically, nothing but a boogie box.Bernard stands on the box and dances wildly...that's it.

What I love is his childlike innocence,energy and obvious love of cheesy pop music. So much street artconsists of gold statues or forcing “wacky”, this is abstract andhonest; entertaining for entertainments sake.

For the 20 minutes I watched him, manywalked past confused and disturbed by his unconventional performance.Then there were those who were excited and amused by his franticmovements, some joined in (as in the video). They may have been doingit for a photo op or curiosity but they all seemed genuinelyentertained and surprisingly respectful of what he was doing.

You don't get that with someonepainting themselves with a used tampon while singing French feministtheory in Swahili.......

Unpretentious, unscripted andunintentionally conceptual..thank you Bernard....you make the worldof performance far more interesting and happy.

Queen of F***ing Everything EP...24th October 2011

2011-09-26T16:16:00.001+01:00

Photo by Lee Roberts

Add on facebook

http://www.facebook.com/MxHolestar

Open notes to Lauren Harries

2011-08-04T18:39:00.006+01:00

I don't wish to have a go at you, I'm a fan and own one of your paintings, but feel I have a right to reply in more than 140 characters on Twitter.

I don't agree with your binary definition of Trans, in that to be a Trans person, one has to surgically transition from one gender to another. In your continuing argument on Twitter, you state “when you feel like a woman-to have male genitalia is repulsive to you”. This might be appropriate in your case but is unfair to those out there who do not wish to completely transition, especially young trans people who might not want to change their genitals, it's a personal choice.

The word trans often means to go from one to another (transform, transition, transport etc), but this isn't necessarily permanent in black and white terms. Society places labels upon us from birth, why should we conform? If individuals choose to, that's their prerogative, as it is mine not to.

I was born biologically female, yet blood tests reveal I have a high level of testosterone in my system but I've decided I can be who I want to without surgery. As a 'Tranny with a Fanny', I adopt the façade of a drag queen temporarily, reclaiming over the top codes of femininity from decades of misogynist drag queens to the female body and hope to challenge the concept of perceived gender binaries through entertainment. By calling myself a Tranny, I'm asking people to look beyond what they think they know about gender, perhaps their own and ultimately celebrate gender diversity.

I would like to see 'Tranny' reclaimed by the Trans community and not the negative it has become. The word Queer was a term of abuse and reclaimed as political and positive by the gay community. Why not Tranny?

When it's used by ignorant idiots in the street, why not respond with “yes darling, and bloody proud” instead of demanding politically correct terminology. I have an amazing Trans friend who confronts people when they negatively question her gender and explains that she is in-between and that it doesn't matter, she's human...I believe this is a positive way forward.

I'm lucky I live and work in the progressive East London where the current alternative scene is made up of all manner of queers, trannies and trans people who don't conform to strict gender or sexual binaries. This Sunday, as a community, we held a Boob-A-Thon for one of our Trans sisters and raised a lot of money. I hope this is representative of a future where it's not gender or sexuality that defines a person, but who you are.

I don't expect you to agree with anything I've said here and there'll probably be opposition from members of the Trans community but I'm not going to change how I define myself. In the eight years I've been performing in this guise (five years as the 'Tranny with a Fanny'), I have never intended to insult or ridicule Trans people but to empower and support them (especially since Stonewall have stopped supporting Trans people). I'll publicly stand up for any Trans person and defend their right to be who they want to be and define themselves however they want to.

I've even set up an arts community, Hot Laser (Queer Arts Community) . We're making a film (Hot Mess) and still in the early stages but has been set up to promote and encourage creativity of queer and trans people.

Stay positive girl....sod the ignorant and celebrate who you are....just as I will continue to do.

BBQ Boogie - Don't Burn Your Sausage

2011-05-12T13:53:00.000+01:00

BBQ Boogie - Don't Burn Your Sausage by Holestar

I was bored and put some summer boogie together.

x

Interview on World of Wonder

2011-05-10T19:53:00.001+01:00

World of Wonder

Queers in Pop Culture

2011-05-06T16:48:00.001+01:00

Getting jiggy with this vlog lark.

Not that I can't be arsed to write...just easier to ramble to a camera.

Queers in Pop Culture..where are they?

Vlog about DJing & Annoying Requests

2011-04-25T17:00:00.001+01:00

HOT MESS Teaser

2011-04-18T12:54:00.000+01:00

It's here!! We need money and support to finish it and send it out into the wide world.

All info at www.hotl-laser.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qP3bh3M4_4E

RIP Loleatta Holloway

2011-03-23T19:33:00.004Z

Yesterday, my favourite singer, Loleatta Holloway passed over. Many know her as the sampled voice on that Black Box ditty but to me she was the ultimate disco diva and a massive inspiration.

Belting it out on stormers like Love Sensation, Runaway, I May Not Be There When You Want Me and Hit& Run, spitting out dontmesswithmyman warnings in Dreamin' or dripping with emotion on ballads like Two Become A Crown, her voice was real, and full of pure soul. A lot of the over processed pop tartlets of today would do well to listen and learn.

Ride on Time aside, I first discovered her in 1994, giving it attitude on The Queens Anthem. I then did my homework and fell in love.

Possibly the most sampled voice in dance music after James Brown, I now cringe when yet another house track samples her amazing vocals as very little can compare to the original arrangements and lush sounds of her Salsoul Records days.

Rest in peace you wonderful woman. You inspired me to be a belter and proud to be a fierce woman.

Respect...Colin Rothbart

2011-01-30T23:10:00.003Z

I first met Colin when I lived in Vienna. He was directing the BBC's Holiday show (RIP), we were introduced just as I was about to return to the UK and exchanged contact details. You frequently meet people along the way in this business we call show and never expect to hear from them again but just as I'd moved to London, he emailed me, we ended up on a long, lost London weekend and a friendship was formed.

He has an amazing ability to bring together a varied bunch of party people and I've performed or DJed for all of Colin's birthday parties since I moved to London, all being truly memorable in terms of dressing up, bad taste and pure hedonism. Colin owns private party venue 'The Shed' where East End creatives, posers and freaks mix and mingle, celebrity DJs pop up unannounced and an off duty performer might do a number. In the future, The Shed will be one of those places people will boast about going to like The Blitz, Taboo, Kinky Gerlinky and Kashpoint.

Colin is a true British eccentric. He doesn't appear extraordinary in an obvious attention seeking way, it's to know him to understand his unclassifiable quirks and that he is a legend in his own lunch time. He's been known to wear some truly criminal outfits in his bid to drag up for a party and his adventures in modern cosmetics is quite something, botched botox and his recent mullet weave being the most memorable.

During a trip to India in 2009, I asked Colin if he would be up for directing my film about the East End alternative scene (more info on www.hot-laser.com), of which he agreed. Nothing quite like a business meeting while floating in the Arabian Sea. We've been filming since Glastonbury 2009 and continue doing so, following fabulous queer freaks from the scene.

Besides being a reputable TV director, Colin has a past in front of the camera and was in one of the UK's first reality shows 'The Living Soap' and presented mid 90s club show 'Trainspotters'.

Colin presenting Trainspotters with Chrissy Darling and Twiggy

The Living Soap. You'd better werrrrk (and drink)

Thank you Colin. Your generosity astounds me as does your diet. Your antics make me smile and I promise to get some funding sorted for the film...eventually.

www.rothbart.co.uk

Why I set up Hot Laser (Queer Arts Community)

2010-11-17T15:20:00.004Z

Every year for the past four, there has been a tranny exodus to the Glastonbury Festival where we've gone and run amok in the NYC Downlow. After laughing my ass off the first year in 2007 (which continually pissed it down but has been one of my favourite lost weekends) I thought to myself, why is nobody documenting this?

The queer American scene has prolific films such as Paris is Burning, Wigstock, The Cockettes, Trannyshack, The Queen, and SqueezeBox! so I decided it was time to document the alternative drag scene that has recently emerged and thrived from east London.

While bobbing around in the Arabian Sea, I asked my friend Colin Rothbart if he'd be interested in making a film about the British queer scene and we started filming at the Downlow in June 2009. Realising we needed to do this properly, we set about becoming a Community Interest Company and received official status this summer.

During this process, my own focus shifted. I wanted to do something that incorporated more than the family of trannies and freaks that the film was documenting and extend it to queer creatives around the UK. For me, queer and gay have become so distant from each other that they're hardly related. Gay has become a commodity, queer is where the others, radicals and creatives live.

Queer is empowering. It's less to do with sexuality or gender, more about being different, other. Queer incorporates gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered, intersex, transvestite, whatever....its less about what you do with your genitals, more about your outlook.

So what are we doing? We're making an amazing documentary about a bunch of queers and misfits, the lives behind the masks and to show mainstream culture being queer isn't confined to the safe asexual, inoffensive and bland generic vision what the BBC or the media perceive it to be.

We aim to link British based queer creatives together. Those working in art, music, writing, dance, design, fashion, anything creative. Britain is full of queer creatives, the aim is to bring everyone together, create links, encourage productivity and help isolated queers through the arts. This will eventually be done in the form of a website (exhibition, events, tour, book, album.. possibilities are endless) but for now we're doing it through fund-raising events where London's finest queers give their time for free to raise money for the group. (Next one Saturday 27^th November at Vogue Fabrics).

Of course all this will take time and money. I have the passion and ideas but I'm a creative honey and need help with the official side of things. Fund-raising, legal, financial...all the important stuff that needs to be done so the fabulous stuff can blossom.

We need fund-raisers who know how to access people who'd like to invest in this amazing project. Professionals who can give us advice and help. Interns to help get this project off the ground and out there.

I'd like to see things being pushed forward and the extended family come together. People collaborating instead of protecting their own little scraps of land, hooking up with other groups and projects, taking it internationally, having fun and being amazing through the arts in all its glorious forms.

More info at www.hot-laser.com
If are interested in helping, please email me at holestar@gmail.com

Being a Female DJ

2010-10-02T12:32:00.002+01:00

Article originally written for Bad Feminist
http://badfeministuk.wordpress.com/2010/10/06/being-a-female-dj-by-holestar/

Here is the trailer for a film that makes The Human Centipede look like Citizen Kane, ‘DJ Girl’.

From what I gather, the synopsis is thus; party girl fancies hot DJ, he’s not interested. To get his attention she decides to become a DJ because to be one ‘is like so hot right now’. He becomes her Mr Miyagi and teaches her the ways of the discotheque jockey. She blags a gig, rocks the house, hot DJ snogs her, wins the DMC World DJ Championships by swishing her hair on the vinyl and flipping it onto the deck before stunning the crowd by scratching with her nipples. The last part may not be true.

If only being a DJ, particularly a female one was so easy.

Being a lady DJ can be a double edged blade. You may get a booking because of your gender, a female name stands out on a line-up and it’s unusual. But on the flip side, you can be ignored and looked over because many presume girls don’t know anything about music. In a male
dominated industry, female DJs are still very much a novelty especially when you look at the largely Russian phenomenon of topless DJs. A sexist yet genius concept where for one fee, you get hot tits dancing to a pre mix CD, pretending to fiddle with the cross fader.

After you’ve hustled and start getting gigs, you get patronising nerds who stand, arms folded analysing and sneering, waiting for you to make a bum mix. Then there are the old school vinyl die hards who would prefer if women would stay well away from the decks (I once had a man
shout at me for not using vinyl. It is a superior format but its heavy, expensive and easily damaged so I only savour a few classics) and on the odd occasion, you might have hassle getting into your own gig or onto the decks from misogynist bouncers who think you’re on the
blag.

People can be rude and demand you play that song again / Lady Gaga /Bavarian baseline. I wonder how these people would react if a stranger entered their work place and ordered them to do something. Despite the supposed glamorous nature, DJing is a job and the aim is to entertain a room of revellers, not one individual (my latest response to these types is “I am not a jukebox”).

You’ve also got to compete with the ‘celebrity’ or instant DJ. In the age of technology and mp3 downloading, anyone can profess to be one. You don’t have to plough through hours of crap and suffer the snobbery of record shop staff, you can sit in the comfort of your underpants, download everything from the latest hip music blog, burn to CD (or laptop for the lazy) and play to a rapturous dance floor. Now this may work a few times but eventually the instant DJ types who are in it for the glory soon filter away because they know jack about music, how to cook a floor and haven’t got the patience to learn about and source it.

There’s something quite fierce about female producers and DJs, much like any woman who does a job that is predominately done by men and I’d like to see more of us out there. I don’t expect to see more female DJs being booked just because they are the minority but I’d like to see them smash through their own glass ceiling and compete with the boys on even terms. But then again,
how can we be expected to be taken seriously when there are plenty of DJanes (a hideous term) who abuse their feminine wiles by posing in headphones and bikinis or are happy to shag a promoter to get a gig?

As for DJ Girl and others like her, if you have a passion for music, willing to work hard, face rejection and misogyny, then go for it lady and get out there, otherwise please support your sisters from the dance floor.

Fashanker...The Song

2010-09-28T16:31:00.000+01:00

To accompany the following article...

Respect...Peter Tatchell

2010-09-14T01:00:00.002+01:00

Peter Tachell has spent over 30 years fighting for human rights and particularly the rights of LGBTQ people. The apathetic gay disco bunnies who enjoy their freedom have a lot to thank him for.

Just as I had started to come out to myself (I was a late bloomer), I remember him and members of Outrage! storming the Archbishop of Canterbury's Easter sermon in 1998 and found it intimidating. The negative reactions to the confrontational work of Outrage! influenced my decision to remain in the closet for a few more years as I didn't want to associate myself with their radicalism. When I finally came out, I sent money to Stonewall, went on a few marches and supported gay rights albeit passively.

How things have changed. I'm no longer a fan of Stonewall (their strap line now being 'Working for equality and justice for lesbians, gay men and bisexuals”. Nothing about our Trans sisters and brothers whose fore Mothers from the Stonewall Inn help kick start the queer rights movement that they take their name from.) I now realise it's thanks to people like Peter, who constantly puts his neck on the line, that today I can enjoy the freedom of being an outspoken, queer woman. I'm all for peaceful lobbying but sometimes you need to be big and bold to be heard.

Tonight, Channel 4 broadcast his documentary 'The Trouble with the Pope', discussing the negative impact the head of Catholicism has on the world. It could have been predominately about Ratzinger condemning gays as evil, but this was but a small part and the whole documentary was balanced and very informative. In a society where being on TV is the ultimate medium to gain presence, I hope more people are now aware of the issues raised and of Peter and his work.

Peter has been abused, arrested and suffered serious physical injury in his fight for the rights of others. Rather than lay down, he gets up again and continues. I may not agree on all of his views but for doing what he does for humanity, I salute and thank him.

P.S. I'll be joining him on Saturday 18^th September to protest the Pope's state visit to the UK.

http://www.protest-the-pope.org.uk/

Fashankers and I Love Dalston

2010-08-23T20:19:00.009+01:00

(In response to the article http://www.sabotagetimes.com/life/why-i-hate-dalston/)

Fashanker*

Noun; A form of idiot. Combination of someone who is fashionable and an utter wanker.

I love fashion but hate the crap that comes with it. The snobbery, the shoulder surfing at fashion week parties, the desperation to be seen and photographed. However, I have great admiration for anyone who spends time putting a look together day to day. It must takes hours of research, locating, collecting clothes and accessories before trying to weave it all together.

What I don't like is the ones who come loaded with arrogance and rude to anyone they deem less than worthy, these are fashion wankers.

Many can be seen at Broadway Market and nearby London Fields. Despite it being quite a large park, they converge on an area the size of a stamp to preen and judge, happy to pay £5 for a watered down mojito before converging on their temple, the Cat & Mutton. I visited the area recently and sat right in the middle of it all, watching fashanker warfare take place, everyone gets scanned up and down, where information is compiled and the output is a pout (yeah you're cool) or scowl (you are so not cool). Also see the take over of Hackney Wick. A low rent area that used to thrive with artists and creatives but soon quickly filled with cool kids wanting to live the bohemian dream in converted warehouses.

Many come across as spoilt and obnoxious with no regard for anyone who isn't in a variant of the hipster uniform. Some really are clueless and lucky to have Daddy's credit card on standby should their media job go tits up (I met a hideous example recently who sneered that his shoes cost more than someone else's entire wardrobe. Well hurrah for you, you soulless shit). Then again there are some absolute sweethearts who under the pretence are genuinely lovely, bright, caring people and actually quite shy.

It's obvious that most of London's creative types aren't originally from the capital. Unhappy with provincial life and attitudes, we flock here from all corners of the globe to find others like us, where we can be who we want to by forming tribes to feed a sense of belonging, an extended family that nurtures common interests. People will always complain about the trendy kids, but fashion tribalism has always occurred in London. Chelsea, Camden, Islington, Notting Hill, Soho and Shoredicth have all had their fashionable set heyday and now its Dalstons turn. In a few years it may well go back to somewhere in West London (heaven forbid).

I agree with the cited article that only a minority of fashankers are actually creating anything but so what? I'd rather be sneered at by insecure hipsters who will soon move on to the next big thing than go up against the kind of tribe that frequents manic boozy areas of most towns and cities in the UK.

Unless the fashion kids are being vile, and therefore fashankers, I say leave them be. It's just fashion mixed with naivety. They aren't going to hurt you.

As for slagging off Dalston, what a load of twaddle. It's an amazing area of incredible diversity, creativity, innovation and has some of London's best nights out (Sssh though, we don't want to turn it into Shoreditch). To toot my own horn, I'm privileged to run a night at Dalston Superstore where gays, straights, casual types and fashion hipsters come to get down. There have been times when a group of fashankers have sneered at someone dancing like a loon but they soon shuffle elsewhere when they realise everyone else is having fun and they are the ones who don't fit in.

If you really are adverse to hipster kids playing dress up, well there's always Wetherspoons.

P.S. In the TV series Nathan Barley set in Hoxton (ahead of its time and largely over looked), the shows every-man, Dan declared the hipsters 'Idiots'. Towards the end of the series, his paranoia became a mantra of 'the idiots are winning'.

No Dan, they won a long time ago. Just let it go.

* I coined 'fashanker' some time ago. A friend told a friend and it has since been mentioned by a broad sheet newspaper, without credit I hasten to add.

September 11th Update

Honourable mention must go to The Grand Spectacular, makers of 'Being a Dickhead's Cool'. Sums it up in a catchy song.

Pride, Stonewall and me?

2010-06-30T00:53:00.007+01:00

Once again Pride is on Saturday so get your rainbow flags out. In my early years on the gay scene, my first visit to London's Gay Pride was like Dorothy finding Kansas (in a big park, free with a suggested donation of £3). Back then it had a heady mix of politics and fun....but where has the political aspect gone?

We've come a long way baby but there is more work to do. Gay men can't donate blood, homophobic hate crime is on the increase (being reported and taken seriously) and internationally people are being abused, arrested, murdered and tortured for same sex love. It's great that we're relatively free to love and express ourselves in the west but do any of the younger gays care about gay politics, know of its history or know how lucky they are to have the right to publicly wave their flag?

I recently discovered that charity Stonewall have binned the transgender part of the groups activities and concentrating on the Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual side. Hang on a moment, where does the name Stonewall come from? From a little bar in New York that fire-started the queer revolution. And who threw the first stone? A bunch of trannys. Who publicly works for the rights of the transgender community now? There are small organisations but nothing close to the money and public exposure that Stonewall gets. They continue to use the name but have shut their trans sisters out in the cold without so much as a head scarf.

2009 was the 40^th anniversary of the Stonewall riots and Pride London chose not to acknowledge it. Pride barely has a whiff of politics these days as like Stonewall, strive for a safe, mainstream acceptable face of homosexuality (much like the BBC). Web site Homovision were told they weren't allowed to be part of the march for turning up with placards and told “Pride is not a political demonstration”. I love a good public display of campness and frivolity but if we're supposed to be proud of who we are, surely Pride of all dates in the gay calendar is when our sisters past and present around the world should be recognised and remembered.

I don't fit the idealisation of 'gay' that Stonewall and Pride promotes. I could be lumped with the lesbians but few gay women events or groups hold any appeal for me (I don't like funky house or pool). You could throw me in with the drag queens but a lot of the performers represent a dated almost misogynistic idealisation of drag which is a shame when there is so much innovation going on in the alternative queer community. I'm incredibly proud to be a queer woman, who has the right to love, dress and act as she pleases yet feel a revolution brewing, from those who don't tick the boxes of mainstream gayness.

Pride and Stonewall, when you wave your rainbow flags this weekend remember it was originally created by Gilbert Baker in San Fransisco, a drag queen involved with The Cockettes. A group of queer alternative radical trannys.

However you choose to mark the occasion, have a great Pride.

PS The party I promote 'Hot Mess' will be throwing an alternative to the many Pride parties at Dalston Superstore. Come on down if you want an alternative to waxed chests, fake tans, pink cowboy hats and tranny exclusion. We've got REX THE DOG!

PPS Despite my ramblings, I got involved with Pride this year in a fun way.

Learn to love yourself

2010-06-14T17:55:00.007+01:00

I recently performed at the RVT for Kimono Krush, always a fun gig but I had a tiny rant on-stage. I picked up a copy of Boyz magazine and asked the audience “Is this what we've become?”

I didn't intend to aim my vitriol at the mag directly but the gay and lesbian press and visual media in general is rather particular about how people are supposed to look.
One thing I have always liked about the gay male scene is that there is a whole spectrum of physical 'types'; clones, muscle marys, chubs, twinks, bears, scallys etc etc and all are fetishised but what I think is the most attractive 'type' is one that doesn't fit into a coded stereotype. It's not 'normal' as that suggests mediocre, its simply sexy.

They don't wear their sexuality as a uniform to define themselves. Some have hair, some don't. Some look ridiculous, other blend in. Some thin, others fat. Some follow fashion, others casual. They have no visual code to bind them, its inner confidence that makes them sexy. Confidence is key. Most of these men are over thirty and perhaps have gone through their youthful and sometimes precocious experimentation phase before realising they don't need to conform to a box. It's as if they acknowledge that the images advertising and media force upon us are false, unattainable, inane and driven to make money. With knowledge, comes power, divided by confidence and you get sexiness.

Recently I've heard from three very different 'types' of gay men complaining that they had to go to the gym/get spray tanned/not eat anything as it's so difficult to physically keep up with their peers. What kind of people are they trying to attract or friends do these people have if they they have to forgo being happy and look like carbon copies of each other to feel good about themselves? I generally find the more vain people are to strive to fit an image box, the more boring and miserable they are, their every action consumed by their appearance.
A lot of of this is sexual competition but a pumped up, A-sexual, hairless chest might be good to jump around on for a bit but it won't make your heart sing or talk to you about anything except waxing and protein shakes.

Last week I sat opposite a woman on the tube who was pretty, slim and well dressed but reeked of insecurity. She looked every woman in the carriage from top to toe, judging them with a smug smirk or look of disdain. How dull and shallow her life must be that she spends her time criticising and comparing herself to strangers? Suffice to say, when it was my turn to be scanned and she grimaced at my scruffy trousers and tatty trainers, I laughed out loud. Yeah I'm overweight and relaxed in my day wear but how others judge me isn't a concern. If they're that shallow and don't like me as I am, then they're clearly not worth my time.

To quote Ru Paul (who paraphrases the Dali Lama*) “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?'”. I'd like to round up the insanely image conscious, body dysmorphic, tanorexics, gym maniacs, calorie counters and fashion fascists, give them a shake and an almighty hug because lets face it, what we all need is love, understanding and in some cases, a big fat pie.

As for the lesbian media; I do not identify with it at all. It disturbs me .... but that's a another rant.

x

* Dalai Lama “If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.”

Vengaboys love bum fun

2010-06-07T20:25:00.006+01:00

I'm in a slight state of confusion after just watching the comeback single for pop monsters Vengaboys (a hybrid of Steps and Alcatraz.... on methadrone). The song itself is nothing new in terms of 'aimed at the gays' pop though there are probably some people who partied through the back end of the 90s that it'll appeal to.

The song is called 'Rocket to Uranus'. Immediately all I can think is bum sex but lets dismantle this a bit....

The Vengaboys have been living in a secret house in Kingston Town building a rocket, could they be terrorists? Of course not, their rocket is shaped like a cock and balls and they're on a mission to Uranus which they tell us is a 24 hour party place with freedom for all (Vauxhall?).

Countdowns are repeated, Perez Hilton pops in as someone from Lazy Town, an astronaut and the moon from Mighty Boosh randomly spouting “yeah, lets party, Uranus is so pretty”. Nonsensical but some of the best pop songs are as meaningful as a Katie Price marriage.

They tell us its a place of freedom but it seems to be overlooked by an evil witch who captains a giant fist and wants to destroy Uranus. Spotting the mighty Vengaboys' flying dick, his bikini clad winged monkeys are dispatched to stop the party and block the cock. And who is the party music hating baddie who wants them 'Dead or Alive'? Why it could only be princess of paranoia, Pete Burns. Luckily, pop saves the day when his minions are hypnotised by the Venga beat and join in the fun. Pete pops down to asses the situation himself only to find his head explodes while the Venga's look on laughing hysterically. Death by disco.

It closes with the vocoded matra of 'Lets have a party on Uranus', everyone drops more methadrone and parties forever more because on Uranus there is no need for tawdry activities like sleeping. Good triumphs over bad, its a classic tale but its the penetration of a phallic shaped rocket into Uranus that saves the day. (Does that mean the Vengaboys are sperm?)

I love so bad its good pop (Cheeky Girls' Touch My Bum' is so under rated) but I can't see myself buying/remembering the song but its quite an event. Perhaps the Vengaboys are back to bring some much needed nonsense to pop music which is no bad thing but its a shame its so, well, crap. Pop needs silly naff crap (Pixie Lott isn't naff, just crap) but it's just not hooky enough (give me Boom Boom Boom Boom any day).

To summarise the song is rubbish, the collaboration between the Venga's , Hilton and Burns is beyond surreal, the stylist needs shooting (who certainly fell out with the blonde one, who looks like she fell out of the back end of a festival. Though I quite like Pete's bubble frock) yet the overall message is quite positive for fans of Uranus.

Cock and bum sex is good, fisting, less so. Lets have a party. Hurrah!

Respect...David Hoyle

2010-06-03T03:11:00.004+01:00

Tonight I was part of a panel titled 'Queer Performers' at the Central School of Speech and Drama with Dusty Limits and David Hoyle which was fabulous and fascinating to be part of (the three of us could have gone on all night, we'd barely scratched the surface.)

Key inspirations into my alt queer artistic education are Divine, Leigh Bowery and the artist now known as David Hoyle.

I first discovered David back in 1999 when his first TV show 'Divine David Presents' aired on Channel 4. I'd recently left the Army, knew nothing of the Avant-garde and about to study my degree in Photography in Blackpool (ironically where David is from). Suffice to say, David blew my head apart and made me question gender, sexuality, life, art and the so-called norms of how we are expected to behave in a so-called civilised society.

There are times when I've not agreed with some of his rants and tirades but so very grateful that he gets on his soap box and does. There are plenty of politicised ranters (where I don't hear the actual message, all I receive is anger) yet he educates through entertainment. He makes me question my own morals and beliefs which I think is important as an artist, as a human. Where the gay scene has become homogenised by pink fluffy cowboy hats and funky house, David is a beacon of intelligence, humour and common sense.

The queues and popularity of his solo shows prove that people want to listen and are interested beyond getting high, the body beautiful and the latest Kylie single (which is about as emotive and pop worthy as the crumbs down the side of my cooker). Collectively we need a voice, someone in a position to reach as many as possible and represent those who don't fit the boxes that we're supposed to.

Get David Hoyle back on TV, where he can reach and inspire the artists, queers and free thinkers of the future.

Right then, who wants to come and queue outside the RVT with me to see him shatter conceptions of what it is to entertain?

[Photo Kristen Elsby]

I Am Soho Interview

2010-05-25T15:00:00.002+01:00

Indeed...

http://iamsoho.co.uk/magazine/?p=254

Ribbed Magazine Interview

2010-05-25T00:38:00.005+01:00

I was recently interviewed for swish stylish 'Ribbed Magazine'. I get on my soapbox about my distaste for Jodie Marsh and fierce women doing their thing. I look pretty good too.

NyLon Woman and Facebook

2010-05-15T20:42:00.003+01:00

It's been ages since I've posted anything on this blog despite having numerous things whirring around my head.

I recently lost interest in spreading my opinions and nonsense through blogging. MySpace seems redundant except to listen to new music (it hurts my eyes as its filled with so many flash ads) and twitter is just not interesting enough (except to watch Courtney Love go wild, Cheryl Kerl take the piss and David Arnold who is far more interesting than some of the allegedly 'hilarious' British comedians on there.

Facebook is my favourite portal into people's lives, its the ultimate in curtain twitching with some posting their every (bowel) movement. It's interesting to watch faded celebrities clamouring for some attention, some of the cultural and political debates that spring up and several individuals telling their 'friends' every little tiny thing they are doing (Example post; I just boiled an egg! Standards responses; Amazing! You are fabulous and deserve an egg. Is it a sexy egg? Runy or hard, i think I can gess Lol!) I Facebook, therefore I am.....It's the ultimate justification for ones existence in the digital age.

Now I'm guilty of self promotion as the next person. I use it as a promotional tool for my music, club nights, film, gigs, myself, whatever but some things need to remain a little private. Tease them with a feather, they don't need the whole chicken. My status may say 'Engaged' for that is what I am (and announced it all over Facebook after keeping it to myself for a good three weeks) but m'lady and I don't advertise that it's to each other, just seems a little....too honest.
I love public declarations of adoration but how embarrassing is it when the couple breaks up only to have to change their status to 'single'?

I've digressed somewhat from my original point..which was, oh yeah blogging.So what have I done since I last posted? Quite a lot and having a fabulous 2010.

The knee is slowly getting better (only took a year on the NHS...) and I can finally walk without a walking stick but there's still a way to go.
My nights Hot Mess and Let's Get Quizzical are going very well indeed.
Gigs, gigs galore.
Taught an 'Alternative Drag Workshop (Post Divine)at Rose Bruford, gave a lecture at The House of Homosexual Culture in the Southbank Centre and in June I'm doing a Queer Performers thing at Central St Martins (hark at me all 'establishment')

Of all this, I've finally made some original music that has my name on it, not 'featuring'. First release NyLon Woman was released in April and very well received in the music blogs and a few DJ charts. Can be bought on itunes, Amazon and Napster, there's a free remix on my SoundCloud and the video is above (shot in five days on Chat Roulette. I saw a lot of willys and got called "fag" a lot by silly Americans)

We're (Phil Robinson and Piers Gordon)working on the next track 'Dirty Men' and aim to release an E.P. full of dirty pop. Have a few other collaborations up my batwing sleeve.

Right, I'm off to update my farcebook status

x

Rage, Cowell and the 00s

2009-12-23T14:56:00.003Z

In today's internet age, this is already an old story but Rage Against The Machine beat X-Factor winner Joe 'nice but dull' McElderry to number one in the pop charts for Christmas 2009. Something I find quite brilliant.

As we end the “noughties”, two things to encapsulate the decade is the prolific use of the internet and reality 'instant fame' TV culture. It's poster boy, Mr Simon Cowell. A man who began the decade orchestrating novelty songs by Robson & Jerome and Zig & Zag and ended it controlling prime time British television and being Americas highest earning TV star by publicising profitable, disposable starlets over talented artists.

Ten years ago, the success of the Facebook campaign to block the X-Factor song would have been unlikely. The internet was in its toddler years and social networking is still a recent phenomenon. Like those who set up the group, I love pop music but fed up with MOR drivel that is so readily lapped up by those easily seduced by the influence of television.
I've nothing against Joe (who I predict will be as popular as Leon Jackson in a year or so and will only look comfortable when he's singing in musicals) and others like him but Killing slaying the dreary Miley Cyrus cover for the coveted number one is a fabulous, en mass statement against manipulated banality.
As for the profit issue, RATM are signed to Epic and Cowell owns Syco. Both are separate subsidiaries of Sony and Cowell won't directly gain anything expect more column inches. Those who have dismissed the campaign as worthless are missing the point.

Killing in the Name is a protest song (about racism) and the songs final pay off “Fuck you I won't do what you tell me” has been reinterpreted as a direct message to Cowells monopoly on popular culture. It's also a bloody good pop song.
Will this event change popular culture? Unlikely, but it’s a warning shot and validates the power of internet social networking (another casualty of the year; the hateful Jan Moir).

RATM scoring the Christmas number one this year is a perfect exclamation to the end to a decade full of bland talent, reality TV shows and vacuous, 15 second fame celebrities.

I'm really looking forward to watching the Christmas number one being announced on Top of the Pops this year.

Merry Christmas etc etc...

x

Downlow Disco Damage

2009-06-30T17:50:00.002+01:00

I have dislocated my patella and screwed up one of the ligaments in my right knee. They are unable to tell which one yet as the swelling is of Joseph Merrick proportions.

I'm sat in my flat after the weekends tranny madness of the Downlow at Glastonbury Festival. Once again, we turned the mother out! My ace crew captured some amazing footage for the film (Ring Them Bells...my film about alternative queer London that I've been raging on about), there were some fierce group numbers, fabulous looks, hilarious moments at the Stone Circle and the Downlow looked absolutely amazing (big up to Block 9). Despite a small minority of homophobic idiots and the hellish journey back to London, it was another successful year for the Downlow at Glastonburgh. (Photos http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=121401&id=756238486)

Sunday night I was on-stage with Marc with a C and John Sizzle and just as I was going down for the vogue part of the routine, something snapped. I redistributed my weight, whatever it was clicked back and I dragged myself stage right. Was carried off-stage, seen by a medic who then called the paramedics to take me to the on-site hospital. As I was being lifted into the ambulance, some hippy was trying to grab my gas and air, had to slap her to get off. Some people will do anything to get high.

Finally made it to A&E on solid ground last night and had an X-ray. Nothing broken but the ligament is buggered. Its all swollen up (apparently filled with blood) but they wont drain it unless it goes down in a few days. I've got to return in 10 days and there is nothing I can do but rest it.

Apologies to Marc with a C for ruining his number (similar happened to Jonny Woo when I slipped on a banana skin giving myself concussion), thanks to Zakia for coming to hospital with me and everyone who helped pack my stuff up and get me things as I sat with my leg propped up while the Downlow was being dismantled around me.

I live with pain everyday (I suffer from Hyper Mobility Syndrome and take a strong cocktail of drugs daily just to get about) so am used to it but this is a new kind of pain. This is my third day on crutches and its made me realise how much I take walking for granted and how long it takes to go to the loo. Its also fascinating to see how people react when someone is injured. Some have given me a wide berth while others show an incredible nurturing instinct. We are animals after all and when one is lame and separated from the troupe I suppose its better to leave them.

I'm on crutches for the foreseeable future. Can't go anywhere or do anything and desperate to sit in the sunshine. I'm performing at Latitude Festival in a few weeks (and Eat Your Heat Out at Hackney Empire, but luckily its a sit down performance) just hope I can do it (though heels will be out for a while).

If anyone wants to come around and make themselves a cup of tea and give me some company, you're more than welcome.

x

Welcome to The Downlow

2009-05-27T16:40:00.003+01:00

After the NYC Downlow being road blocked, one in one out, loved by straight and gay alike for the last two years at Glastonbury and Lovebox Festivals, I've decided to produce a film about it. A Paris is Burning for the British queer, disco and drag scene.

I've no budget but a belief in my modest crew and the amazing subject matter. Tomorrow, Bistrotheque host a Fun-Raising Party to raise funds for the film. If you cant make it down, please send us a few quid via paypal and I'll be your best friend.
x
All info http://welcometothedownlow.webs.com/

Tranny trek around South West India

2009-03-11T17:15:00.003Z

So.... I'm just back from India........Started off in Goa with Colin in Palolem where every hotel hustler, seeing our pasty ‘straight off the plane’ skin jumped on us. Stayed there for five days (stunning beach but a bit touristy) where we went to Silent Noise, one of those headphone parties (Goan Council cutting the sound for parties at 10.30 these days so only way around it). We didn’t get the headphones and propped the bar up for most of the night and met Hannah and Sarah who I ended up staying in Fort Cochin with.
We moved up north to Vagator and went to a Goan Trance rave at the Hilltop (famous apparently) where we met with Verity and Brett. Oddly enough, Brett travelled around Kerela with my partner around Christmas time. The world is very very small. Now my parents seem to think that the music I like all sounds the same but they could have played the same three tracks throughout and nobody would have known the difference. Its just monotonous base with the a few blips and a voice that talks about adrenaline or the physical effects of ecstasy (how very ‘92) every now and then. We got suitably mashed, got shouted at by the women who had little chai stalls as we weren’t buying their over priced brew and met some horribly annoying posh British people who seemed to talk inane shit at us, not to us.

For the rest of the trip, here are things I jotted during the journey;

Vagator; lovely beaches, hiking over rocks and up a hill through bushes to get to Anjuna; a hippy cliché full of white people with dreadlocks (a pet hate)…… Colin gets hit by the Goa Ear Wax Scam (or is it a scam?)…… Baga; tourist hell hole…… Arambol; nice. Sweet Water Lake; stunning…… Mud bath for a quid on the beach…… Colin and Verity doing glamour shots in the sea.…… Talking to the girls on the beach, one saying “Don’t forget to buy some of my expensive rubbish”.…… Susie Strong is possibly the most rude, loud and obnoxious person I’ve met.…… Cows are the cats of Goa.…… You are hassled everywhere for cabs but when you have food poisoning and desperate to get back to your hotel, it’s a bit tricky.…… Spending the night with both ends blazing isn’t fun.…… Colin leaves for Mumbai.…… Trying to sleep food poisoning off on a 20 hour journey on a lower bunk in second class with people sitting on me.…… Hannah and Sarah on bunks above me and spend next 5 days with them.…… I love Kathakali, it goes on a bit but a truly wonderful art form. They study for a minimum of 6 years before hitting the stage. Shame I can’t do it as it’s just for the boys.…… Indian Coffee House does great poached eggs.…… Having to battle a family of cockroaches with a can of fly spray. The fuckers take forever to die.…… Our host Mary has the potential to turn scary.…… Getting used to blackouts and different times of the day in different parts of the country.…… Ferry’s are very cheap.…… Feel very safe.…… You can have a good nights sleep in a room smaller than a toilet on a metal camp bed with birds in the room.…… Indian women and children are beautiful, the men less so with their funny moustaches and boot cut trousers.…… Massala tea is divine, as is Bharathanatyam.…… Local bus journeys are sound tracked by high energy party music.…… Kottayam is vile. The hotel receptionist keeps coming to my room, asking me questions about my ‘husband’ then someone tries to force my door around midnight.…… Amazing curried chicken and parrota for about 70p in skanky café.…… Being stalked in the hotel bar for an hour buy a creepy git then sharing a bed with bugs and fleas in Allapey.…… 8 hour boat trip down the Back Waters is stunning but can then gets a bit arduous.…… I can’t throw pens or bouncy balls to kids from a moving boat.…… I still burn despite Factor 30.…… Kollom dump so get on the next bus out of there and end up in Varkala.…… Would the person playing Bob Marley’s ‘Redemption Song’ on the beach, on a loop, on a recorder please choose another cliché.…… Sod Goa, Varkala much nicer.…… Can’t seem to shake dodgy tummy. Toilet paper is relatively expensive, I go through a lot.…… I can hear the Arabian Sea from my room in Varkala. I can see it if I pop my head out of the door.…… Big flying fish flew right past me!…… Americans are loud.…… I could murder a spliff. And the twat banging next door.…… Sitting under a palm tree, watching dolphins swim really close to the shore and reading Joan Collins’ ‘Past Imperfect’…heaven.…… Having a very painful tooth clean and polish.…… Watching a woman carry a baby in one arm, toddler in another and freshly washed clothes balanced on her head proves we don’t need all the crap we buy for kids in the west.…… Swimming in the fresh spring water tank.…… Despite my problems, feel very lucky and privileged.…… The price difference on buses depends on the ticket conductor.…… Indian boys dance like big gays.…… Meeting Melvin, David and Rianra at yoga to discover they live around the corner.…… I don’t like Trivandrum. One hotel wouldn’t let me stay for being a lone woman.…… Overheard by two middle aged British ladies; “You’d think they’d put have subtitles” during the Hindi bits while watching Slumdog Millionare in the biggest cinema I’ve seen. Probably forgot they were in India.…… When Indian men stay en masse in a hotel, they bitch like girls throughout the night.…… 32 degrees while it snows back in London.…… Mosquitoes love me despite lashings of repellent.…… Being a woman travelling on your own means some men will talk to you like shit.…… You can watch a film in Tamil and follow what’s going on.…… Gallery attendants are grumpy sods the world over.…… I seem to prefer the vibe of Hindu states than Christian ones.…… Constant curb crawling from rickshaw drivers who will try and double the fare even though they‘re already getting over double the regular fare.…… Kanniyakamari is amazing but a bit like the Blackpool of India with its abundance of cheap crap on sale.…… Stuff the power and corruption vibe of the Vatican, The Stanunathaswami Temple in Suchindram is the most incredible religious building I‘ve been to, even more so when the puja begins. Made me a bit emotional.…… Volunteering at S.I.S.P. Doing a creative drama workshop, first thing on a Monday morning with no prep and kids who hardly speak English ends up being a lot of fun. Some of the kids and their Mothers are beaten by their alcoholic Fathers. Makes me very angry that it is accepted and there is little to be done about it.…… Teaching Group F ‘The Rainbow Song’ and ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’ takes a while to get right but they can’t stop once they know it.…… Taught some of the older boys the ‘Electric Slide’, but vogueing didn’t get off the ground.…… Mentally challenged kids can dance and play the sitar remarkably well. Government Minister arrives late to give a speech and spends most of it talking about the rough day he’s had, problems with his family and his busy schedule instead of the performing kids. Poor lamb.…… Sometimes it is worth paying travel agents the commission to book train tickets.…… Leaving the kids at S.I.S.P. was hard.…… 15 hour train journey to Mangalore a doddle on 10 mg of valium. Had to be kicked off the train.…… I love talking to Hindu pilgrims on holiday for the Shivarati Festival in Gokarna.…… Going for a “bucket” when you’re cold and tired wakes you up no end.…… It is very hard to find a good tailor who listens and follows measurements.…… Mosquitoes are miniature vampires.…… Gokarn is full of unwashed, dreadlock sporting, so-called traveller types wearing ‘Om’ t-shirts who push past Indian pilgrims as if they aren’t there.…… Monkeys jumping around on roof tops.…… Swapping a small radio for a drum with a guy on the beach.…… Waking sharply after a coconut landed on the roof of small cell like room.…… Some Indian families make their children shake my hand.…… Giving an elephant a rupee who tucks it under the end of its trunk, then blesses you by whacking its trunk on your head is a tourist novelty but I do it about 7 times.…… Ignorant hippies doing fire poi next to main stage during Shivarati get busted-heh.…… Sat on the beach and suddenly surrounded by 40 school girls curious by my being there.…… When the lock on the hotel door is knackered, it will take 5 men one hour, a lot of head scratching and a rusty saw to get it open.…… If I see one more hippy not say thank you or treat an Indian with distain again, I swear I’ll slap them. We’re guests in their country for Vishnu’s sake.…… A beggar asks for money for food but refuses the bananas I buy him.…… Trek to Kootle Beach, tough. Trek onto Om beach, more so.…… Sleeping in a bamboo hut by the sea is nice but noisy.…… A rooster strutting around indicates you will wake to a lot of cock-a-doo-da-doodling at the first sign of light.…… I have sat on a tropical beach, eaten a purpose bought Bounty and truly tasted paradise.…… I tried not showering for 2 days but couldn’t bear it, don’t know how hippies do it.…… Picked up someone else’s flip-flops by mistake, now stuck with smaller flip-flops……. Explaining to a 17 year old boy how periods work and that people do indeed have same sex partners is enlightening.…… Glad I came to Agonda for my last few days.…… Frustrating to see western girls walking around the streets in bikinis and topless on the beach. Spoke to both Indian women and men who find this very offensive. Again, we’re guests in someone else’s country for Shiva’s sake, put em away.…… Masseur refused to massage me as he said I has a skin disease when in fact its mosquito bites you could play dot to dot with.…… Playing Uno with two Indian girls who tell me that if I need colonic irrigation, to contact their Father. The younger of the two thinks I’m a boy.…… Being repeatedly lectured by Mathew (the night watchman who patrols his watch with a big torch and even bigger stick) that I shouldn’t drink milk, only eats beans and pulses; on the way to the bathroom, outside the bathroom, on the way back to my shack, outside the shack, when I closed the door…. He claims to be an expert in homosexual activity, gave me a steel plate, massage oil, a card with Congratulations written on the front addressed to Miss Holestar and told me to get married and study the bible daily.…… Very scary cab ride to airport at 3 in the morning on back roads that look like crime scenes with awful Akon album on full blast.…… Seeing package tour Brits at airport make me realise the trip is really over.

So that’s my 6 weeks in India. I’ll definitely be returning and spend more time there. There‘s so much more of the country to see. Probably won’t return to Goa though. Its ok but preferred Varkala and Gonkarn.
I met some ace people but many of the traveller types I found quite boring with nothing to talk about but travelling, played their instruments badly at all hours and strutted around like they own the place. I met a few who wouldn’t eat at restaurants unless other Westerners did which seems a little ignorant. I got food poisoning from a western restaurant so go figure.
The poor school at Kovalam (horrible package tourist place) was an eye opener and wish more travellers would take even a tiny amount of time out of their trip to do a little volunteer work. Giving money is all good and well but giving people your time is invaluable.

I remember when I was younger saying to a friend that the only way I would consider travelling India would be 1st class in fancy hotels. What a precocious little twerp I was. I may be a show girl but was happy to leave the glamour behind and travelled on less than a shoe string, slept in dirty tiny rooms (the single duvet cover I took was a god send), ate in rusty old shacks by the road and met some incredible people. I loved it and wouldn’t travel India any other way.

All my photos are on my facebook profile

Be grateful for what you've got..my little bit of charity work in India

2009-02-17T13:24:00.001Z

So as you may or may not know….I’ve been traveling around Southern India for the past month or so. I’m currently in Kovalam (a bit Costa Del Kerela …..full of plump middle aged westerners on package holidays whose only interaction with Indians are in restaurants) and I’m trying to put things in to perspective (albeit for a short time) and do a little charity work.
As much as I love London, its nice to get away from all the faux arse kissing/oh you must come to my fabulous party/I’ll book you soon, honest bullshit that goes with this business we so lovingly call show.

I’m teaching the youngest class (aged 6-8) at SISP (Sebastian Indian Social Projects)
I’ve never been a particular fan of children but these kids are funny, adorable and seem to like that my lessons consist of jumping on tables and rolling around on the floor singing.

Yesterday, one boy in the class slept nearly the whole day as his father had beaten him the night before. Two sisters are forced to go begging on the beach to buy booze for their alcoholic father who beats their mother. One of the girls always goes back for as much food as she can get at meal times as she doesnt get fed at home. I met these kids (who don't even have shoes) on the road back to my cockroach ridden digs and the youngest girl and boy held my hand tightly all the way back. I didn’t want to leave them to go home where they aren’t given much materially or emotionaly.

There is a very poor structure of child welfare in India. Women and children are frequently abused and it’s accepted as the norm. There are few girls in the school as from the age of 12, they are expected to stay at home, tend to the house and in many cases, also work.
I guess I can’t come over here with my western values, stomping around demanding that things change. Feminism in the west is still a recent phenomena and India is still a third world country. Hopefully, time will tell but its going to have to be the women of India themselves to revolt. A Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women is a start in the right direction (a reaction against Hindu Fundamentalists who beat up women drinking in a bar).

SISP try and give these children something positive. Their parents are paid for the kids to attend the school (as so many are forced to work from a young age), they are fed throughout the day and receive a lot of care and attention from the teachers and volunteers. There is also a department that employs and educates women who make bags, earrings and placemats out of recycled materials.
SISP runs on donations alone and receives no government support. If anyone wants to sponsor a child, donate or volunteer you can find everything on the website.

SISP (Sebastian Indian Social Projects)

Arse kissing, schmoozing and not playing the game

2008-11-03T19:54:00.000Z

There are difficulties facing many in this harsh business we call show, especially those who don’t have a regular gig or job and where an artists success is often based largely on who they know, not what. We live in celebrity obsessed times where someone’s prolific status is considered to have greater validity than actual talent. Warhol crafted this idea where members of his Factory became stars for being little more than hangers on looking pretty. His prophecy that ”in the future, everyone will be world famous for fifteen minutes” is a reality not just in a wider public context but also in smaller scenes.

I find it increasingly frustrating to see self obsessed individuals ‘make it’ off the back of P.R. skills and an ability to kiss the arses of the right people while lesser known, clearly more talented people not so adept at promoting themselves miss out. There are incredible people out there paving incredible new concepts in art, music, performance and fashion but because they don’t go to the opening of every envelope or suck up to promoters, journalists and star makers, they miss out. I know I sound cynical but don’t like to see the talent go unrewarded or unacknowledged.

As for me, I know I’m not the greatest artist/singer/DJ out there but confident that I’m better than some of the dross. I’m a long way off from being old mentally or physically (though my Hyper Mobility Syndrome is getting worse and restricts me doing certain things) but I’m not going to chase jobs by schmoozing and going out in a look every night just to be seen. I’ve more than paid my dues. Yes I use myspace and the like to promote my wares but I’d like to retain a little dignity.
I’m far from perfect but it can be disheartening to be overlooked for jobs when I try my hardest at everything I do. This is an admission of vulnerability that a strong woman like me perhaps shouldn’t make on a public blog but I’m human under the façade.

In December 2007, I was listed as one of the Sunday Times Style magazine’s favourite celebrities, wedged between Anya Hindmarsh and Roberto Cavalli. While it’s flattering to be mentioned, it’s not a reflection of what my life constitutes. I shop at Lidl (great fruit and veg but their bread is shit), the only Mercedes I travel in is a number 73 bus and checking my bank balance is pretty scary. For the most part I’m very happy with my unconventional life of being an artist with little money, structure or routine but having to consistently chase random gigs here and there is tiring. I don’t want fame; I want to work and show people what I can do…….And perhaps maybe just a little recognition.

Post Masters…what now?

2008-09-29T21:43:00.001+01:00

I completed and passed my Fine Art Masters degree at Central St Martins a few weeks ago (though it seems a lifetime ago).
I learnt a lot about my work and myself as an artist in the last few months. For some time I’d been trying to force my Tranny with a Fanny guise (which was originally a concept piece that took on a life of its own and still regard it as human sculpture ala Gilbert and George) with my art practice but it never quite gelled.
Once I admitted that I’m vulnerable (difficult but incredibly cathartic) and human, my work has developed in an area I didn’t think possible.
My current work is delving into my biography and my final video installation was about a tree in Dinedor Wood where I lost my virginity, a humorous piece about a regrettable memory. I’ve spent years forcibly not going down the biography route as so many female artists do (and I didn’t want to be compared to Tracey Emin) but have realised that this is where my artist strengths lie and sod the possible comparisons. I’m only 31 and have a far more varied biography to work with.

I did a Masters to get a toe up my arse. I left my BA in Photography in 2001 and went to Vienna to be an artist (on a mere whim…it seemed a decadent idea at the time).
I needed some discipline in my work but didn’t really get that from St Martinis, an institute so laid back its almost horizontal. College alumni has a large list of successful artists but the teaching is pretty sloppy and seems focused on getting international students paying huge amounts to study there. The final show was really badly curated with hardly any staff around to assist during the putting up of the show. I could go on…
When I’d finished my ND and BA I may have been pissed off with certain members of staff (probably because I spent most of my time stubbornly fighting to be an artist and not a commercial photographer) but I left elated with what I’d achieved during my time there. I leave St Martins feeling disillusioned, disappointed and well…a bit naffed off.
We have been let out into the big wide world with no safety net. What happens next is ultimately down to the individual. They’ll be interested when a graduate wins a big award or is exhibited at some major event so they can boast yes, that’s one of ours. Finishing the course isn’t the high I’d anticipated.

Since completion, I’ve spent the last few weeks doing very little which is unusual as I don’t like being bored and always seem to be doing something.

I’ve wrote an article for Gazelland Magazine (Art Issue, due out in November), popped into London Fashion Week (a gross time when the nicest people turn into self important pricks), saw the Damien Hirst auction at Sotheby’s (more of which in the Gazelland article), watched John Waters live (funny but I wanted more gossip and didn’t really learn anything new), Francis Bacon at the Tate (sublime…almost made me cry), Eurobeat-The Musical (camp Mel Giedroyc is incredibly camp…very silly good fun…Poland were robbed) and loads of other art from the White Cube to the ICA (some great, some utter inane pretentious crap it amazes me how some of it gets commissioned/bought).
I’ve DJed a few times (all went quite well. No matter how empty the dance floor starts, I always get it going by the end. Very stubborn y’see), judged the first heat of London’s Next Top Tranny which was hilarious (Jeannie Dee was my winner and went on to win the final….well done Tranny) and nearly fell over on cake at Scottee’s Birthday do.

Actually that’s quite a lot considering I gave myself time off to do nothing!

So now what? I’m planning a new show which might be a variation on an old one and a few more DJ gigs (something I’ve done on and off for 14 years. I’m not just another wig playing CDs thank you very much. I love music too much to sit at home listening to it on my own). I’ve a few art people to chase and need to start applying for grants and exhibitions.
I might be a bit disillusioned with the MA but need to use the momentum I’ve got to keep creating……while trying to get work in these “not what you know but who” times. But more about that another time…

x

London Olympic Party Shame

2008-08-24T17:06:00.000+01:00

I’ve just turned on BBC and watched the Beijing Olympics closing ceremony. Wowsers.
Straight after, the London 2012 Party on The Mall is now on.

It being hosted by the BBC, they’ve chosen some of the most mundane, safe British acts to ‘showcase’ British talent; The Feeling, Will Young, Scouting for Girls, Il Divo, Katherine Jenkins (whose screeching goes right through me), James Morrison and Heather Small will no doubt be wheeled out soon.

London is one of the cultural capitals of the world and we’re going to have the world’s eyes on us when we host the Olympics in four years. We’re not going to have the budget the Chinese have spent on their amazing opening and closing ceremonies but are we going to play it safe just so we look nice and respectable? Who actually organises the acts for these things, the same people who book the acts for The Royal Variety Performance? Nice, middle of the road acts that Grannies and middle class suburbanites approve of?

Where are the edgier British acts? Wiley, Estelle, and Dizzee Rascal have spent time high in the charts recently, where are they? Probably too ‘urban‘. What about Girls Aloud (too sexy), Amy Winehouse (too risky), even Radiohead or The Klaxons (too experimental).

Sending Leona Lewis (who yes has a great voice but is blandness personified) over to Beijing sums it up really. Nice symmetry that she’s from Hackney (the hosting borough for London 2012) but does she really represent British creativity and talent? She doesn’t write her own material, performs paint by numbers ballads and came from a televised talent competition which typifies how talent is cultivated in Britain right now. Athens closed with Bjork. Nuff said.

Come 2012, I hope that London is able to show the world that we’re not all nice, safe, manufactured and dull.
The Olympics has already destroyed the warehouses in Stratford where many creatives lived and worked, Hackney galleries are going down and the regeneration going on in the area is forcing poorer people out of the area to make way for fancy apartments and soulless shopping centres.
I hope not but I feel we’re losing the edgy diversity that brings artists and creative’s from around the world to London in the name of a three week event that might end up embarrassing us.

For now, lets cringe to Scouting for Girls doing ‘London’s Calling’ and The Feeling performing Bowies ‘Heroes’…..

My article 'Defining Sexuality' in g3 magazine

2008-07-28T14:15:00.000+01:00

I've been back in the UK for almost two and a half years and have exhibited as an artist, performed and DJed fairly consistently since returning from Vienna. I'm no star but fortunate to have the opportunity to showcase what I do.
Getting the validation of the press is not on my agenda but if the Sunday Times have listed me as a celebrity (something which I certainly am not...yes I ride a Mercedes on a daily basis...it's the number 73 bus), surely a little mention in the queer press wouldn't go amiss.
As I don't aim my work at a singular demographic (in an aim to appear accessible to all regardless of sexual , gender or cultural predilection), I guess it's tricky to 'pin me down'. I'm a mistress of many trades, endorse non conformity, fabulousness and not an artist revelling in "wimmin's" issues or a singer/songwriter warbling about an ex, cats, Birkenstocks and mortgage payments...

Anyway....g3 magazine (a free monthly lesbesian publication) finally came 'round and asked me to write an article of my choosing. I decided to write about sexuality. Its in this months issue on the penultimate page.

Defining and labelling sexuality can be a tricky affair. It took me a long time to come out to myself. I spent years trying to be conventionally heterosexual and despite being in the Army where there were gay girls a go-go I denied my lust for the ladies out of fear.
After leaving, I rethought what I wanted and decided to live my life for me by not conforming to anyone's ideals and have done ever since with my career, lifestyle and sex life.

Most of the time, I identify sexually as 'queer' or simply 'sexual'. I don't want my sexuality pigeon holed as I consider it to be undefined. I don't consider myself a lesbian. I may currently have a female partner but would never rule out being with a man again. I prefer candy floss to lollypops but why exclude any types of candy at the sweetshop? Unfortunately I've known women who identify as lesbian be rejected by their community when they have an affair with a man; their gay gold club card ripped up and are booted out of the sisterhood.

Calling yourself bisexual is less definite but can raise mistrust from both hetero and homosexual communities. The term suggests that who you are having sex with is temporary and you'll eventually revert to the other gender, so that label doesn't suit me either.

I believe as human beings, we're bisexual by nature. How far we slide up and down the scale of gay and straight as a lifestyle is down to personal choice or social conditioning. I've heard gay men and women say they'd never, ever go with a member of the opposite sex as if the suggestion is repulsive but it's hard to know if this is because of genuine preference or sexual politics.

I applaud and support those who continue to assert gay rights and equality and am grateful that I live in a time where I can pretty much be who I want yet perhaps its time for a new 'ism' to describe indistinct sexuality. A term that says "I have sex with people I fancy and want to, not by what is expected by my lifestyle". But then again, should it be necessary to define ourselves for others?

I'm very out about my ambiguous sexuality and by being so, can hopefully encourage young people questioning their sexuality that it really doesn't matter who you let near your nether regions. You don't have to conform to stereotypes or rules and you call yourself whatever you want, just be safe and ideally happy.

(Click to enlarge)

Ridiculous celebrity obsession

2008-06-15T15:20:00.002+01:00

I finally handed in my Masters thesis two weeks ago. Its title, 'The Insanity of Modern Celebrity' is named after a series of shows I've performed about the subject of celebrity culture (next part, 'Deluded' premieres at Bistrotheque on Tues 17th). Celebrity culture is something I've spent the last two years critically studying so think I'm well placed to have an informed opinion on it.

Last night I was 'Wardrobe Mistress' for the dressing up box at Smash N Grab night at Punk which is known to be frequented by celebrities. (I must here make the distinction between a star and celebrity, the former often being known and celebrated for their talent or achievement, the later for lesser accomplishments).

Early in the evening, a group of tourists came over to have their photo taken with me ("Ooooh Tranny!" It makes for a 'look what we saw in London photo' I guess) and later in the night one of them slid up to me and the conversation went like this;

Drunk tourist girl: Where are all the celebrities?
Me: Excuse me?
Her: Where are the celebrities?
Me: Is that why you came here tonight?
Her: Yes. Where are all the celebrities?
Me: Hun, I find it really quite sad that you came here just for that.
Her: But where are theeeeeeey?
Me: Probably at home, avoiding people like you.

So rather than go out with the intention of having a good time and enjoy London with her friends, she went to the venue just because she thought there was a chance of rubbing shoulders with someone who appears in the press. Wow.

Model Agyness Deyn was in the club, having a boogie and night out with her mates. For some reason, some people were heckling her. Just because she is a famous, isn't she entitled to have a knees up like the rest of us? At kick out time, she was a little worse for wear and the paps outside went into a frenzy, shouting and snapping away. A TV camera turned up out of nowhere, two mopeds chased her car and the whole spectacle was quite unnerving.
In my drunken state (I'm not much of a drinker but free drinks make it too easy), the whole thing made me angry and shouted "leave her alone, get a job or a conscious you fuckers". How butch.
Photos of her leaving the club appeared on the front cover and inside today's The London Paper (a daily free paper whose centre pages feature celebrities). It's bizarre to witness something quite inane being published as so-called news.

The abundance of celeb based media seem to focus on a core group of London party girls at the moment; Lilly Allen, Kate Moss, Agyness Deyn, Kelly Osbourne, Peaches and Pixie Geldof, Kimberly Stewart (two of them models and the others famous by association) and of course Amy Winehouse (who certainly has talent but its sad she's doing the Billie Holiday/Janis Joplin model of destruction). Kate Moss used to have a mysterious air about her but seeing her so often in the press in these celebrity obsessed times, she and those like her loose their sparkle and what makes them publicly interesting in the first place.

Of my least favourite professions, the paparazzi are up there with traffic wardens and those people who check peoples tickets on the bus (who gang raid London's bendy buses and appear to take great pleasure in pulling people off who haven't swiped their Oyster cards. It's ridiculous how many police they have with them. Their services are required elsewhere, not standing around bloody bus stops). It could be said that they are only just doing their jobs but they have a choice. I studied photography for five years and no amount of money could persuade me to hang around outside clubs and hunt celebrities for the possibility of getting 'that' shot bought and published by the press.

I was photographed by the 'razzi once in Vienna, they are such hateful and rude people. A gang of them aggressively tried to make me pose in ways that suited them so I walked off. I don't mind posing for photos but not when I'm barked at.
Why anyone would aspire to be papped and famous for merely being famous, without any kind of achievement baffles me. But as the new series of Big Brother has just started on Channel 4, it's obvious that there are many fervently wanting just that.

I've got so many opinions on all this but I just wrote a damn thesis about it and this rant is starting to turn into a prologue to it!

If you're in London on Tuesday (17th June), come down and see my new show 'Deluded' as part of Under Construction 3 at Bistrotheque. I'll lip synch, act, do costume changes and maybe sing for you!
x

I do DVNO...video and stuff

2008-04-21T20:25:00.000+01:00

So I was out and about in London town filming an art concept piece about how I’m perceived by others and decided to do a few takes doing a lip synch; DVNO by Justice. The original video by the Ed Banger in-house artist, So Me is well crafted and gorgeous, this is just a bit of fun.

DVNO is a great pop song and though its no longer seen as cool to like Justice because they’ve gone a little mainstream, I still think there are one of the best and most exciting musical acts of the new millennium. I find people jumping the Ed Banger boat just because they are reaching more people ridiculous. I guess its down to the nature of how music is shared these days, its so quick that there is always a new bandwagon to jump on. Gone are the days of trawling through record shops to find something months before it became ‘big, now its just right click and save.
Regardless, I remain faithful to Pedro Winter and his stable of fine fillies.

The main reason for filming was intentionally about the performance artists who stand on boxes on the South Bank and Covent Garden. I intended to go down and ridicule them somewhat but found once I was there in drag, I had a new-found respect for what they do (and hell, they make a lot of money so good luck to them). I wanted to concentrate on the audiences response to my presence and not me but this was difficult to get as once they realised they were being filmed, would act differently so I decided to refocus on me and did a series of vogue poses and cat walks.
Filming in tourist areas was a little 'safe' as there are many people dressed up and acting ridiculously so my being there wasn’t particularly fascinating. I suppose I should do it in places where folk like me aren’t typically prancing around, like Tumbridge Wells or Dalston market. Then again, I should probably go back to ‘her’ birth place and do it there, Vienna.

Holestar the artist has been around for about 10 years now but Holestar the Tranny with A Fanny (I should trademark that) is a mere 5 year old.
When I came up with and starting developing the idea, it was all about gender exploration and subversion, but ‘she’ became a fully formed character and took on a life on of her own. I refer to her in the third person as I, Holestar the artist is the Dr Frankenstein to my drag personae which is my monster, my creation, yet she is me and I her. She as a piece of work isn't specifically about gender for me any more. My initial intention was to question and play with what is seen and perceived yet the audience naturally still view my creation as a gender study which it is but not as much as it was (am I making sense here?)

Anyway...I've got a busy summer coming up; festivals, performance art, live gigs, an interesting new night that I'm involved with and finishing my Fine Art Masters. I'll keep you posted no doubt.

PS The public and private responses to my blogs are surprising. Its just me sat here spewing my brain out and is flattering that people actually read my nonsense so thanks!

Sex tips for boys who have sex with girls....

2008-04-07T20:23:00.005+01:00

I love men. Ever since I was 3 and befriended Spenser next door, they've always been my favourite gender to be friends with. On the flip…they are the worst when it comes to intimacy, relationships and sex.
I term my sexuality as queer or metamorphosexual (big nod to Annie Sprinkle). I don't wish to define my gender output ("I'm not a woman, I'm not a man, I am something that you'll never understand"…cheers Prince) or sexuality. I've known too many women who have been rejected by hypocritical lesbian communities when they have decided to have it off with men. I find this abhorrent and actively support anyone who wants to play with their sexuality as long as its safe, sane and consensual.

I guess society finds it easier to judge if you label yourself as one thing or another and while I tend to lean towards women sexuality, I wouldn't rule out a bit of boy fun.
Then again, I haven't had sex with a man for 7 years. I've enjoyed sex with men in the past but yet to find one who really does it for me like a women can.
I recently came out of a relationship and not looking for another at the moment but seeking a 'friend with benefits'. Someone that I can have a laugh and hang out with but not commit to and be able to date others. This seems like the perfect arrangement because if you set this out from the beginning, nobody gets hurt (unless one falls for the other and its not reciprocated).

For the first time in a long time, I find myself fancying a bit of man sex. Unfortunately, men and women are different creatures and messages tend to get mixed.
I had a fumble with someone recently that I probably shouldn't have and while in that kind of situation (and despite my Dominatrix day job), I tend to get a bit cuddly and slushy (I'm crippling the illusion that Dominatrix's are bitches all the time…truth is, none of them are. Sorry for destroying the fantasy ). This was read as me being more emotionally involved and wanted more when in fact, my loins were screaming out for a seeing too and they were the most available person that I trusted.
Men who have set out for a one nighter often get frustrated with women who get clingy after they've had sex, but they forget that for a large percentage of women, there is a biological thing going on where they feel attached to someone they've been intimate with even if they don't rationally see a future in a relationship.

I may be out of line here but men do generally think with their dicks. I believe that to be biological and not something to blame them for…just the way it is. Its there hanging around out front all the time…it's a matter of control.
Gay men have the casual sex situation locked down. The cottage/cruising/sauna culture allows men to have nameless, faceless sex without emotional connection. Unfortunately, the same doesn't exist for women (and I'm not particularly keen on places like the Candy Bar…I don't want to be forced to listen to RnB and funky house to get laid).

It makes perfect sense for people have sex with their own gender; we know our bodies quite well and are more likely to be able to handle someone's body that is similar to our own. Just because men and women slot into each other doesn't mean its going to be any good, we're different creatures.

I guess we all just want to be loved at the end of the day and sex is always better with someone you love but if you are able to have that at home with someone who understands that you want random (and safe) sex elsewhere, all the better. (Saying that, I've always been monogamous when in a relationship, doesn't mean I haven't thought about it though).

Now then…the reason why I initially wanted to write my own 'sex tips for boys who have sex with girls' was because of my own past experiences and a slight hope if any boys read it…they might go out and service my sisters better. A lot of men think they are the hotness when it comes to sex but a few tips can't hurt eh boys?

So……….

1 - Its always awkward to bring up in conversation beforehand but don't act like it might be more than a one nighter if you have no intention of seeing her after just because you're hard and want to get it on. Try and engage the brain for just a little while or it might be more hassle later.

2 - Kissing. Getting it right is a major bonus. I've often got more out of and have a better memory of a really good passionate snog than full sex.

3 - Do not put the girls hand on your crotch when you have a hard on. We're not stupid, we know you are excited, we'll get to it eventually. Only slightly worse than this is the clumsy pushing of the head to the crotch. Urgh.

4 - Some girls like a good hard shag. Some girls like it soft. Some like a bit of both. (I'm more of the later myself). Ask or work it out from her reactions.

5 - A large majority of women reach orgasm by stimulation of the clitoris. This is fact so learn how to use it. Biggest tip I can give you here is to read The Hite Report by Shere Hite. I've convinced quite a few folk both male and female to read this book and all have said their sex life has benefited. It should be taught on the international curriculum. (Hell, I didn't know my body was capable of 9 orgasms in one session until I read it.)

6 - You can ask her to do something differently if its not working for you. Unless she's a complete cow she'll respond to it and probably learn from it.

7 - Those women in porn who are screaming through mere penetration are being paid to put on a convincing show. Look at the close up, she's probably dry down there, ie she's not actually enjoying it. Get her steamed up before entering all guns blazing.

8 - Most woman don't care about the size of your knob as long as its clean. The G-spot is only a few inches inside so size doesn't really matter except aesthetically.

9 - Good personal hygiene is a must (unless you are planning to score with a crack head). BO or a cheesy knob is a major turn off. (My own are also ear wax, really smelly feet and bad teeth).

10 - Make some noise and not just the ceremonial grunt at the end. It reassures us you like what we are doing. Some girls like dirty talk, some don't but we all want to hear you are enjoying yourself. And if she compliments you, say something nice back, its only polite.

11- No matter how gorgeous she is, most girls have hang ups about their body. If you want to keep her perky and she’s uncomfortable about you touching her stomach/bum/tits/whatever, don't and aim for something else.

12 - Always play it safe and use protection even if she's on the pill. A trip to the clap clinic isn't fun and does sod all for anyone's self esteem.

13 - Don't roll over and go to sleep/get up and go home as soon as you've come. After working as a Domme for over 8 years, I've watched in fascination how quickly men change after the money shot (though not by my hand. I don't do any sex acts with my clients though they are welcomed to shuffle themselves at the end). Feeling regret or awkwardness after you've got jiggy with it is all good and well but behaving like a twat after makes the girl feel like shit and karma's a bitch.

14- We don't all want to marry you (though some girls do get a bit psycho). If we want a cuddle afterwards, its to reassure you still like us.

15 - If you are contacting her through a web site, sending pictures of your knob, calling her a slut, how you want to make sexy with her or using txt spk might not get you far. Men who are looking for casual sex out number women tremendously (you only have to go to a sex club or see the casual relationships section on gumtree.com to see by how much) so you need to make an impression to stand out from the other pussy hungry boys out there. A good head shot, some witty banter and interesting info about you is more likely to get a response.

16 - Girls who want casual, no strings attached, consensual sex are not slags. Social conditioning tells us that women are either whores or wives but this is a pile of outdated, defunct biblical arse and is unjust. Women are entitled to a good seeing to as much as men. Unfortunately, a common label doesn't exist for a man who sleeps around but plenty for women.
This is a new millennium and as long as people are playing safe, keeping it consensual and nobody is getting emotionally screwed, just physically…I can't see a problem.

I'm probably going to get a barrage of abuse but this is not a definitive list. And if you're offended and don't take this as the friendly bit of advice its intended to be….well you probably have a porn collection so vast that the idea of having sex with a real women scares the be Jesus out of you.

Right, I'm off to find a 'friend with benefits' and I don't care what it has between its legs!

x

Sod the sisterhood...

2008-03-18T04:10:00.004Z

I’ve never been a girls girl. My friends from a very young age have been predominantly boys, I find them more straight forward, less bitchy (though they can be terrible, straight and gay), direct, don’t play mind games and fun.
However, I consider myself a feminist. But a future forward thinking one.
I’m thankful and have the utmost respect for my sisters before me who paved the way for the liberation of women (though we still have long way to go for complete equality) but I don’t hate and chose to get on with things and go so far to elaborate, celebrate and intensify femininity in the way I dress.
I’d consider myself a street feminist. I’m more down with Paglia than Dworkin and McKinnon.

I like gutsy, ballsy, get on with and ‘be it’ women. Those who aren’t passive, personally or in the work place. Those who breed because they want to not because they are expected to, inspirational women who work in whatever way to make the world a more interesting place and those who don’t hate men or other women because of politics or jealousy.

Unfortunately, I don’t like around 60% majority of women I meet. I might be one, but I just don’t understand them. Maybe this is because I choose to surround myself with men. Maybe its because I fancy them and see women and see them in a different way. Who can say?

Despite this, I hate to see women getting treated badly. I’ve jumped in between a man aggressively arguing with a woman on several occasions. Sometimes thanked, sometimes getting a mouthful from the abused woman leaving me thinking ‘why should I bother?’

After performing at The Dirty Red Ball on Saturday (which went really well…see footnote) and walking towards the bus stop in Angel, I saw three young men verbally abusing a woman waiting for the bus. One saying he was going to punch her, another saying that she really wanted his cock and would love it, the other calling her a lesbian. I decided to sit next to her for moral support.
Once they started to move on, I asked her if she was ok and commented that they were childish idiot boys with brains in their pants.
She retorted by saying “Well if you’re going to do something, go and smash their faces in. Don’t just sit there”.
I didn’t know how to respond to that. I was just trying to be ‘sisterly’ and ended up getting a mouthful.

On Sunday I went to a photo shoot in Finsbury Park so decided to pop into the drag emporium that is Paks. I placed a can of hairspray, three pair of lashes, a comb and some wig caps on the counter and a voice behind me said “Why the fuck are you buying black products?”
I turned to a young mixed race girl and said “Pardon? Are you talking to me?”
She ignored me and then said it again. I asked her who she was and why she was giving me grief? She responded by saying “I bet you’re a middle class rich girl, got loads of money yeah?”.
Again I asked what was her problem, who the hell she was and would she please get out of my face.
She started muttering something and then started shouting “Yeah but no but” until the startled guy behind the counter told me to ignore her.
I was is shock and oddly disturbed when she walked off shouting “Yeah but no but” (chunky I may be but I’m no Vicky Pollard).

First off, since when is buying goods from a wig shop ‘black’? I’ve thought a lot about this and could write plenty but its just too much of an astonishing and ridiculous statement to question or argue.
Secondly, I come from a working class background. We were quite poor. Family holidays were spent camping in England, our first car was a second hand Morris Minor and we lived in crappy army houses. Who the hell she is to judge me and what difference does it make anyway? Finally, it isn’t anyone’s business what I buy. In my baseball cap and jeans, I don’t come across as a show girl but this isn’t anyone’s issue if I decide chose to use them myself or shove them up my arse.

After the shoot, I popped over to Shoreditch House to see Jonny Woo do some new material. I decided to keep my makeup on but put my ‘day clothes’ on to travel.
I got on the first train and a woman opposite stared at me with distain and tutted loudly. When I got a wig out of my bag to play with it, she snorted and moved further up the carriage, occasionally looking over and shaking her head.

Fuck the sisterhood is all I can say.
This is not representative of women of course. I just had three rather tedious run ins with women over the course of a weekend which tainted my view of them.

Women are generally envious and judge each other, something I believe to be naturally inherited. For the breeders, they want to appear the most attractive to get the most attractive mate to spawn attractive children so it makes sense that they are competitive with other women who may coax their potential mate away. But to be outright bitchy and unsupportive of each other, is it any wonder I’m not a fan?

I guess I’m a straight, gay man in a queer womans body if that makes any sense.
I don’t understand women, neither do most straight blokes but I’m flamboyant and camp like many gay men are. Yet I’m like any other woman. I bleed, am emotional, get a buzz from finding bargains when shopping etc

I get energised and excited when I do meet amazing women because I find them inspirational and stand out from so many dull, submissive, manipulative and annoying women who either tow the line of what is expected of their gender or are overtly aggressive about it. (I dislike hardcore feminists as much as I don’t like anyone who is aggressively fanatical about any form of religion, philosophy or movement).

Women are amazing, beautiful, intelligent complex creatures but generally and unfortunately, I’m not down with my own gender.

Footnote
The Dirty Red Ball was very much a female affair, you could smell the oestrogen and despite the above, was a great night. I performed in the cabaret room which without being biased, was the best room in the building. Jonny Woo, Dusty Limits, Barefoot, John Sizzle, burlesque routines and me.
I did a piece based on my recent break up with my partner. Very cathartic.
Started off with my entering the stage to find a letter saying “I’m breaking up with you” and breaking into the Thelma Huston version of Don’t Leave Me This Way (even though John played it just before I went on during the fire alarm going off…everyone loves a reprise eh?). This then mixed straight into The Supremes’ Stop in the Name of Love where I altered some of the lyrics to make them personal to my situation, then Kelis’ I Hate You So Much Right Now while tearing off the heads of flowers with my teeth and went into comedy hysteria. Through all this, the lyrics change from please don’t leave me, stop before you screw me up, anger and finally absolution. I’m heartbroken but its going to be fine and I’ll move on. So the last track of the piece was Doris Day’s Que Sera Sera. Nice to see arms swaying and joining in.

Really glad with how it all went and got a surprising amount of positive feedback.
I’ve told my ex about it and she found it fairly amusing. Yes we are friends and for that, I’m glad.
Writing and performing it has made me has confirmed that things do eventually get better after a break up and to quote myself ‘time heals everything’.
Just because I‘ve written it from a personal point of view, heart break is universal and anyone who has been through it can relate to it and hopefully, get a bit of strength from it.

Like always, I’ve a few things in the pipeline but I really must concentrate on my finishing my Masters daaaahling.
Holestar ND, BA, MA, (pending) DISCO

x

PS This is stuck to my wall. Funny but so so true.......

Problems with art and the usual round up...

2008-03-14T17:05:00.001Z

March means getting back into the swing of things and despite recent hohaas….I’m getting on it all
(Though next January and Feb I’m planning on going to Southern India. Anyone fancy it?)

So.....
I’ve been keeping my gig schedule low because I really have to knuckle down at college. I still not sure why I’m doing a Fine Art Masters but something in me is starting to make me realise why. St Martins isn’t the most disciplined of colleges and I find it hard to get motivated (though when I do, I tend to work like a workaholic beast…apparently a Capricorn straight) so I’ve had to kick myself up the arse and things are looking better.
I had feedback for the first draft of my research paper and was shocked to find it was good (and I quote from the report);

"This is a very satisfactory first draft! You write exceptionally clearly and with style and flair. Well done. You have potentially a very important piece of work here."

Shocked, yes!. I left school with a D in English and I’m probably the most least academic student on the course. I can’t get my head into thick theory and discourse (which probably reflects in the pop nature of my work and lines of creative enquiry). I try but tend to get bored after a few pages.
I personally can’t see the point of using flagrant words (which I see as pompous, pretentious and patronising) to discus or explain something when putting it simply is far easier to access. It may work for others but not for me.
I guess this is my gripe with the art world in general. I want to make art accessible but the language used to discus work and gallery texts are often written exclusively. Using jargon that is flowered with adjectives and nonsense that only the well read and artistically educated understand. What about thickies like me who appreciate and love art but don’t want to be made to feel excluded because we’re not up on our art philosophy and theory?

Anyway….

I performed as part of ’Lift and Separate’ at the V&A Museum. Yes, the V&A!!!
It was complied by Kat Heath and Eleanor Wdowski based on a play by Victoria Worsley about disgruntled underwear models. As I played ’Black’, I could be as snarly and pouty as I wanted. Ace!
The performance consisted of five ’models’ holding various vogue posses in a tableau for 15 minutes before breaking into a looped dance routine with a mixed classic and electronic soundtrack complied by Kat.
During the routine, we had the chance to break out of the line and walk about. I looked around at people in the space with distain and walked right into peoples faces. Was amazing that people stayed to watch the show and be engaged in it for the whole 30 minutes. We repeated it three times and glad to say, went well and was well received.
I shall be working with Kat and Ellie on another project soon and look forward to it.

I DJed at FOR3IGN! the following night which was fun. I had wanted to push the music in a direction that the kids might not have been familiar with but this proved not to be of particular interest so stuck with pop, bootlegs and remixes. Hey ho..they still danced and for a DJ (well for me) that’s what you want. I may not be the most technically gifted (though when I play on my decks at home, I can pull off confident smooth mixes that rival Sasha….) but I play good tunes. For me, that is what makes a good night on the tiles.

After the disco delights of Hoxton, I popped down to my good buddy DJ Tom Oke’s monthly night ’Edit’ at The Prince in Brixton (Tom deserves props. He’s very skilled technically and tops at tune selection….mixing up classic 80s pop and disco into the dirtiest French electro without missing a beat equals party satisfaction).
We had a rather bizarre experience at the Rex Club after which ran into the early hours. The main feature was being holed up in a hotel room with one of the most obnoxious people I have come across. Classic post party gossip fodder.

I popped up on ITV on Sunday in Inspector Morse spin off Lewis that me and my NYC Downlow chums did last Autumn. (Note: we are confirmed for Glastonbury and Lovebox Festivals this year….say bye bye to Lost Vagueness for your festival after-hours…….)
They cut a whole night shoot I did with the lovely Pia (cold…but was whisked to and from Oxford in a nice Mercedes so not all bad) and where we spent a whole afternoon having to shout "LOVE IS NEVER WRONG". So much money wasted on these things. Incredible.
The show itself was a dull two hours to sit through, just to see my ridiculous face for a few seconds. Every gay stereotype exploited to its extremes which was quite insulting. Maybe that’s why a lot of the ’gay’ was cut.
The end with the transsexual (played by Rachel Stirling who played a lesbatron in Tipping the Velvet…..not much of a departure in a related way) blowing herself up was quite hilarious though.

What else, ooh I had a call from The London Paper wanting quotes about self portraiture. I thought I’d be ’in’ it, not just quoted. I’d said something different to what was printed but I guess journalists have to alter to cater to their audience.

I’ll be performing at the Dirty Red Ball at Finsbury Town Hall tomorrow which should hopefully be full of lovely ladies wearing very little so I can have a good perv.
I’ve re-worked some classic songs about heartbreak (very cathartic) and turned it into something positive. I’d better go and learn the text I’ve re-written then.

Smooches

x

Performing at V&A and DJing FOR3IGN! this weekend...

2008-02-25T21:24:00.002Z

Feeling better after my recent woohaas thanks. Getting back into it all is sorting me right out.

So....Friday
I'll be performing in 'Lift and Separate' at the V&A Museum (ooh check me!) as part of their Theatre Design exhibition.
The piece I’m involved in requires me to do a tableau and dance routine, be dressed in black leather, heels and to act like a pouty bitch…that I can do.
Friday Late: Collaborate at the V&A starts at 6.45 and we’re doing the show in the foyer at 7.30, 8.30 and 9.30. And its free!!
There’s loads of other stuff going on so should be an interesting evening.
http://www.vam.ac.uk
V&A South Kensington
Cromwell Road
London SW7 2RL

'Lift and Separate', an audio visual performance installation by Eleanor Wdowski and Katharine Heath in the foyer. An installation with live DJ inspired by Victoria Worsley's play of the same name and the museum itself exploring contorted ideals of feminine beauty through a clash of period fashions and gender performativity.

Saturday, the very first day of March….I’ll be DJing some choice tunes down at FOR3IGN! In Shorebitch and comparing wigs with Scottee and Jodie Harsh. I’m on 12.30-2

And its also….FREE! But its worth making an effort to get past the delectable Dean on the door.
http://www.myspace.com/foreignclub

Bar Music Hall
134 Curtain Road
Shoreditch
EC2A 3AR
8-2am

Living with a 5’ Stella swigging alcoholic is quite amusing (if a little tedious having to listen to her repeat the same things again and again. She's now clapping at Channel 4 news, twittering on about John Snow and that I could probably eat my dinner off my laptop.....)

Tip for the day-Don't do the "3" internet dongle thing if your room is in a basement flat despite them telling you "yes it will be fine down there". It doesn't. You will end up having to sit in your lounge listening to an alcoholic clapping at Channel 4 news……

x

PS Just as I’ve finished this, she’s screamed “cunt…bastard” into the air. My life is many things but it certainly isn’t dull eh?

When it all comes down...

2008-02-12T19:09:00.000Z

Things have been pretty rough recently. I guess I was a proper shit in my former life (even though I don’t know if I believe in all that) as when it rains, it truly does pour.

December brought up personal and professional problems which was affecting the way I work but they managed to get sorted.
Unfortunately a new girl moved into my flat who had just come out of jail (I live in a housing association as I was homeless for a bit when I moved to London) who caused endless problems from day one.

Shady goings on, the smell of crack wafting through the flat, the banging of doors all day and night, fights and stealing my stuff. Then another moved in.
She is a prostitute (not that I judge what with my other line of work) with severe mental health problems, body dysmorphia, smokes heroin openly and is a former crack addict. Well she said former.

They both know each other and argue constantly, except the one time when I heard them doing a punter together while I was having a bath by candlelight…not for romantic reasons but because they had fucked up the light in there.
The first one (who shall be know known as Evil) bullies the other (Nutty) until she is a screaming mess, throwing things around the flat, breaking property and stabbing doors and walls with a knife.
I went to the olds for Christmas, Fuerteventura for my birthday and New Year and have stayed at my partners (more of that later) place since January. On the occasional night I have stayed at the crack den, it has been hellish.
One night they were slamming doors and screaming at full pelt from 10 until 3am in the morning.
They have no respect, empathy, consideration, manners or care for anyone but themselves. They have 7 kids between them, lord only knows where they are, poor things.

I first asked my housing association to move me in mid December and my Doctor wrote a letter backing it up. At first they wanted me to make an official complaint but I refused on the grounds that I feared my safety from Evil, Nutty and their dodgy cronies. It is now nearly mid February and its only now that they’ve started to take it seriously as apparently the neighbours have made complaints and police are involved.
I would leave the housing association but I can’t afford to rent in the private sector and if I stay in the system a little longer, more likely to get my own place.

I’ve tried to get on with my college work and had to do the colleges interim show at The Bargehouse (I got a nice little nod btw http://londonist.com/2008/02/_we_really_didn.php ) but with running all around London, having my computer in storage and feeling like I'm going crackers, haven’t achieved much.

On Sunday, I split up with my partner during our anniversary break away. I’ve never spoke much about her on here as that is part of my life that I wish to remain private but I’m devastated, on top of everything else.

I retuned to the crack den to find it a filthy mess, all my crockery, coffee table, glasses and mugs broken, my framed ‘Like A Virgin’ album stolen and the washing machine fucked.
I bought some milk and wrote “Fuck off and get your own yeah?” on it…being pretty fed up with anything that wasn’t nailed down being wreaked or stolen.
So when Evil finally arose from her pit with one of her chums and saw what I‘d written, she started a barrage of abuse and when I told her I wasn’t interested, to get out of my face and closed the door on her, she stood outside my door screaming and threatening me for another ten minutes. I can see why Nutty throws stuff around when she picks on her. Pure evil.

Luckily I’m staying with a friend for a bit so at least I’m safe.
Though I wouldn’t mind if Evil was bumped off. One of the nastiest, most selfish, ignorant, dishonest and ugliest people I’ve had the displeasure to meet. What sucks is that she has more rights than me.
The system and overt PC idiots help fuck ups like her who contribute nothing to society.
Nutty has just been allocated a council flat. They told me I would have to wait for a few years at least.
I sound like a Daily Mail reader but fuck em, I’m not a intentionally bad person and have remained crime free for most of my life (ok so I dabble in the occasional use of recreational illegal substances…though only twice since last summer) but reasonably decent folk like me don’t exist.
When I asked my Doctor recently if there was a way of getting subsidised massages (for my fucked up back), she said the only way was if I was a drug user or alcoholic. Nice.

So yeah…I’m feeling pretty down and have cried more in the past two months then probably 7 years (I’m not usually a weepy type). My Doctor yesterday suggested I go into the psychiatric unit at Hommerton Hospital but decided not to, those places make you worse, not better.

Mental health problems are something that people are often afraid of admitting to.
Having a broken leg, appendicitis or Hyper Mobility Syndrome (which is something I also have) are things you will probably tell others about but saying you have problems with depression is still quite anti social and taboo despite the trend of life coaches and therapists.

I was diagnosed with Dysthymic disorder after I had a breakdown and spent time in a mental health unit for nearly four weeks when I was 19.
Its something I have learned to live with for 16 years now (after having ‘episodes‘ since 15) and was told I was born with a chemical imbalance in my brain and that I’d often have periods of depression.
I have had some rocky patches ever since but have done my best to deal with it. I left home at 16 and have fended for myself pretty much ever since, I’ve dragged myself out of many a hole, learned coping mechanisms and been on and off the happy pills for a long time but sometimes being strong and necking drugs no longer works.

Those very close to me know about this but like I said, its not something one usually publicly broadcasts. My depression often hits regardless of circumstances (was very happy with everything last summer but had a brief woohaa then) but with all the above going on…I feel pretty shocking.
And I’m still expected to write a first draft of my Masters thesis in 16 days.

Yes there are always people a lot worse off than myself and at least I’ve got one friend who is willing to put me up for a bit. I’m a tough old bird and I know I’ll look back at all this and laugh, or use it for inspiration for something creative (seeing Evil on a crack buzz, moping yes moping her carpet while topless was pretty funny) but for now, its pretty damn shite.

I don’t want sympathy. I don’t know if anyone will have even read this far, I’m just sounding off and oddly feel a little better for writing a lot of it down.

Now I’m off to try and start that thesis.

x

PS Thank you to all the lovely people out there who have sent messages of support. Really appreciate it.

Holestar is art....apparently

2008-02-04T12:42:00.000Z

The Central St Martinis Fine Art M.A. interim show has just finished at The Bargehouse and went...well ok I guess.

I showed a video piece called 'The Show (Inter-view 1)' where I interviewed myself. Quite complicated but it was a recording of a projection and live action of an interview between my drag character and a new persona (a mix of various TV presenters and subconsciously, my sister).
During the preview, I sat next to the video and dragged myself up. From creator to creation and sang every now and then, not addressing the audience.
I filmed the audience and was interesting watching them bemused, not knowing whether to applaud or what was performance. Something I'm going to play around with.

I invited a plethora of my contacts and the Londonist.com came and reviewed the show. Unfortunately, I agree with their comments about theory over substance.
I got a nice nod at the end...all good!

Read review here Londonist.com

I keep getting asked when my next show will be and at the moment, I've not got anything planned. I really need to concentrate on my Masters degree.
I've a few projects in the pipeline and will be back back back soon. Promise.

Oooh and the crack head situation is finally getting sorted...I think

x

Holestar's Review of 2007

2008-01-18T14:32:00.000Z

First of all me….And what a year!

Popped to Vienna to perform at a new gay night and get royally messed up with my good friend Eddie Cole. Need more of that.

Was a judge for the Trannyshack Drag pageant (really need to work it out this year ladies…) then it was over to perform with Jonny Woo, Ryan Styles, Booby Tuesday and Russella at Ministry of Sound for some performance art at ‘Nude’ which was conceptually brilliant and one of my favourite performances of the year.

March saw me premiere my show ‘The Insanity of Modern Celebrity’ at Soho Revue which was well received and glad to say, packed out. I repeated the show for ‘Bastard’ at ‘The Macbeth’ and sang a few songs. Different crowd but still went down well.

Then to New York and met Joan Rivers who liked my un PC gag about my glorious technicoloured sequined jacket and performed at The Cock, Area and Element. Partied with New Yorks finest freaks and fabulous all week (and popped in to see the Ed Banger guys at the Hiro Ballroom) and finally at Patricia Fields store party. I will be back New York.

Upon returning, DJed on the main floor at Heaven, performed at Egg, MCed with the Pirate Soundsystem at Nude and played Dr Hannibal Lecter in Suppositori Spellings fucked up version of The Silence of the Lambs and continuing the man drag theme, competed in the Trannyshack Drag King pageant with a character called ‘Later Ho’s…geddit?)…and won.

The Trannyshack UK album finally came out and my version and video of E-Jitz; Two Magdelene Fuckers appear on it.

DJed the final set in the main room for Button Down Disco at 93 Feet East (scary but had them jumping throughout..yay) then it was off Glastonbury Festival with NYC Downlow which was an amazing weekend of mud, Shirley Bassey, being shady in the Vogue Ball, disco, Ring Them Bells, zopoclones, photo ops, one in one out and working with one of the best group of people a girl could ask for. Devastating!

Had to pull it together to recontextualise and shoot ‘The Insanity of Modern Celebrity’ piece for the Left of Centre exhibition (you can see the dark bags under my eyes in the video) which ran until December.

Came runner up in the Bistrotheque Tranny Talent final with an edited down version of ‘Insanity’. Amazing how so many people can get rammed into that small space.

The Downlow regrouped for the Lovebox festival and a bit of Bassey action for Gay Bingo and then I promoted and hosted the Gazelland Magazine Nude issue launch party at Soho Revue which had a huge queue of chic freaks outside and had a packed dance floor until the lights went up. Hard work but a very good result.

I then had another party I’d organised on a boat for the GYBO 5^th birthday party and managed to get an array of bootleg producers/DJs from past and present (Freelance Hellraiser, Osymyso, Soundhog, Cartel Communique and many more pirates of audio).

Back again with my Kamikaze Tranny sisters for a bit of TV work, a sing song at Turnmills and the True Grit festival, an interview on BBC radio London, Red Death at Battersea Arts centre, Studio Neon, early morning quick costume changes at Trade and a quick holigay with Dusty O to Spain.

December was a whirlwind of corporate gigs and of course, the Bistrotheque Tranny Panto ‘The Xmas Factor’ under the direction of Jonny Woo. It was tough run but taught me a lot about myself as a performer.

Christmas was a quick jaunt to the olds before going on holiday with my partner to Fuerteventura which was well needed. We spent NYE on the balcony of our room watching fireworks and eating a Smartie for every bong to the countdown to 1200 (you’re supposed to do it with grapes but we didn’t have any).

I finished the year by appearing in the Sunday Times Style magazine. Under Anya Hindmarsh and above Roberto Cavalli. Non too shabby.

I’m writing my review of 2007 in my partners flat above a pub in Stockwell instead of my flat in Dalston because said flat has become a Crackney gritty reality and an unbearable place to concentrate, sleep and live. Annoying but hope to be out of there soon.

I’ve not got a lot booked for the early months of 2008 as I really have to concentrate on finishing my Fine Art Masters degree at St Martins as I’ve neglected my studies somewhat over the last few months and really need to get back on track…but I’ve some exciting projects in the mill and will be back. Oh fuck yeah!

Happy New Queer!
x

Media
Pep Magazine (Hungary), GIB Magazin (Austria), Gazelleland (USA), Sunday Times ‘Style’, Love It!, QX interview, Boyz and QX front covers, BBC2, BBC London, ITV, Nuts TV and other bits and bobs.

Favourite gigs
Daft Punk at 02 Wireless Festival (Video)
Justice (saw the live sets thrice but the second time for the launch of D.A.N.C.E. at LA2 was the best)
Prince at 02 (second time better despite Chaka Khan not turning up)
Bjork at Glastonbury.

Tracks

Justin Timberlake – My Love (Original and Diplo mix) I know it was released in '06 but this was the year I loved it. The production makes my ears melt. I know its unfashionable to like Timbaland but the man is the poop.

Justice – Phantom 2 (Original and Soulwax Mix) All about the drop

P Diddy and Christina Aguilera – Tell Me (Switch Mix) Little on the Diddy-which is a good thing

LCD Soundsytem – North American Scum/Get Innocuous

Simian Mobile Disco – Hustler

ZZT – Lower State of Consciousness (Justice Remix)

MIA – XR2

Fergie – Glamorous (Space Cowboy Mix) Hate to have her name on the list but it’s a bloody good remix and the vocals are minimal

Voodoo Chilli - Look What You You've Done To Me

Kanye West - Stronger (A-Trak Remix)

Chromeo – Tenderoni (MSTRKRFT Mix)

Mr Oizo – Transexual/Patrick 122

Herve - Cheap Thrills

Act
Justice
Go and support Ed Banger and BUY the album. A bit patchy (what the hell is Valentine?) but also my album of the year. DVNO should be a single BTW.

DJ
DJ Mehdi
Always with a smile on his face, plays party tunes for party people and is a thoroughly nice bloke too (cheers for the guestie in NYC ;-)

Label
Ed Banger (natch)

Producers
Mr Oizo, Timbaland, Switch and Herve

Colour
Fuchsia. It’s lovely.

Party
The Ed Banger party at Moonlighting. Dance dance dance!
Kavinsky EP release at Sin a close second

Injuries
Hand slammed in door at Cafe Rouge=loss of finger nail for 6 months
Slip on banana and shaving foam at Egg=concussion

Word
Generic

Items stolen
Bag in Camden, handbag in Café Rouge, wallet in Camden, various items from hotel room in Fuerteventura.

Meal
Dad’s Christmas Beef Roast
Parrots Restaurant in Sitges

Bargain
Black and white sequined dress from Dalston market that I’ve yet to make a public appearance in.

Exhibition
Anthony Gormley at The Hayward

Fucking crack heads...

2008-01-11T16:32:00.000Z

Fucking crack heads...

after a rather stressful December, I went away and had a rather nice Christmas and then on holiday to Fuerteventura with my partner (been nearly a year now...cripes that's a lifetime time for me) for my birthday and New Year.

Standing on a balcony watching fireworks in warm weather drinking pink champagne with someone you love beats fighting to get to the bar and avoiding wankers who want to pull your wig off in the city.

Had a very good time but our hotel was robbed when we went for a drive to the north of the island. We think it was staff as there was no sign of a break in and when we reported my partners phone missing, they said the last calls were made to Brazil and there were Brazilians working in the….fuck we can't assume anything but it's bloody annoying non the less.

Popped to see my olds after getting back (got lots of new gaudy frocks for a pound, love the charity shops of Hereford) and then to what I have called my home for nearly two years to find the situation in the flat has become worse.

There's been theft and violence going on and I can't stick it anymore so going to leave.

I've nothing against recreational misuse of drugs but having one 'flat mate' smoking heroin like its Golden Virginia and the other ex-con smoking crack with very shady company creating havoc is beyond what drugs, for me are ultimately about; having fun.

I lost too many mates from my rave years that ended up on smack after the criminal justice act ruined the party and club land went commercial. Crack and smack are selfish, anti-social evil drugs and do nothing but destroy the lives of the user and everyone around them.

I had heroin once and enjoyed it so much that upon waking the next day and wanting more, sat bolt upright in bed and shouted to myself 'never ever again'. I can see why people get hooked. Too nice but too fucking destructive.

My computer, decks and valuables are in storage thank fuck and I'm staying with m'lady for a bit so won't be online as much as usual.

Haven't had chance to return thanks for Birthday greetings (for those who remembered), college work (no gigs for a while as I'm concentrating on writing my Fine Art Masters thesis), upload new photos or fannying about on the net (haven't downloaded any new music for a month. I have severe withdrawal).

I'm a tough girl and will get through it but this year has been pretty shite so far, let's hope the bottom end of it is better eh?

I love the people of Budapest...

2007-11-19T13:43:00.000Z

amazing party people. Very much up for it!

Was one of my favorite gigs ever. I even fell into the trap of crowd participation as I was enjoying it so much...and they went with it all. Excellent!!

Eve Massacre ripped it up and Popbitch played some proper party tunes, such a fun night.

Got up late so didn't have time to go to a thermal bath but managed to get a langos and wander around. Getting home was a bit of a nightmare.

Anyhoo, here are some
Pics of Budapest and Trade .

This week is full on panto rehearsals and Whitney Houston Trannyshack on Wednesday.

Right..got work to be getting on with

x

Tranny Olympics, Breast Cancer event, Super Model and Budapest

2007-11-12T18:55:00.001Z

Tranny Olympics was messssy!!I arrived to see guess the weight of the Tranny which followed with a Tranny wet tshirt competition, a race outside the Macbeth and Kat Heath tearing it up music wise.
My set was cut a bit short (the lady behind the bar is tough about closing....her watch conveniently being 5 mins fast) but the kids danced to my mix of rave, pop, electro and a few bootlegs so all good.
Frustrating that when I'm mixing on my own decks at home, the mixes are spot on but when I work with decks I'm unsure of, tend to go for the stop/start DJ technique.All about the tunes at the end of the day though eh?

This Wednesday I'm performing at this for charideee

then a few doors down to Punk to play music to have sex in the bogs and slash the seats to

Weekend, I'm off to perform in Budapest.

Werrrrrrrrrk
x

Videos of The Show (Inter-view 1)

2007-11-12T18:54:00.003Z

ideos from my latest performance piece The Show (Inter-view 1)
Bistrotheque 6 November 2007

Being an artist...

2007-11-12T18:54:00.001Z

fucking sucks.

I work tirelessly and am never happy with what I do.

Have recently applied to numerous art and queer cultural events only to be told what I do isn't appropriate.

I don't expect to get accepted for everything but when I see the shite they put on, makes me feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall for no reason.

I'm attempting to bridge a gap between fine art and entertainment. I keep getting told I'm not allowed to do this and have to be more' fine art'.
To me that reads....separatist, elitist and snobbery. Only attempt to communicate to appeal to the well read and educated.
Art for ALL I say.

Really don't know why I bother.

Last nights show went well in the end though I may change a few things. The medley at the end didn't quite work and would adjust a few things but it was well recieved.
I will perform it again (if I get the chance....)

Aaaaargh!!

x

Nonstop Performing Weekend in Wigs

2007-11-12T18:52:00.002Z

Recently, I've been applying to perform at art and gay culture type nights and events and being knocked back continually.
Is it because I'm a woman? How many women regularly perform in the British gay/arts scene? Pam Ann and Amy Lamé are the only two I can think of.
When I lived in Austria, my Tranny with a Fanny lark got me noticed, here, it seems to be more of a hindrance.
I don't think I'm amazing by any means, but know I put a bloody good show on. It's very disheartening especially when I see what dull crap is being put on.
It makes me stronger yes but fucking annoying non the less.
I'll always want to perform in both the straight and gay scenes but its frustrating being kicked in the fanny by your own. If you know what I mean.

Another thing that gets on my tits is the queer lady mags having no interest to the point of being snubbed. Maybe it's because I don't conform to a lesbian 'box' or strum on a guitar going 'ooooh I want me Birckenstocks back but the bitch took them awaaaaay"?
I'm no role model or spokesperson (as I identify as queer, not gay per se) but I do offer an alternative.

On a lighter note....

I'm gonna be on the breakfast show for BBC London Radio this Saturday morning (22/09/07)
How amusing to get a spot on the BBC….with my reputation.

7-9am
Tune into 94.9 FM (for London based folk) or go to

http://www.bbc.co.uk/london/radio/.

Call in, ask me anything. I'd like to be cheeky but guessing it being the morning and the British Broadcasting Corporation, I might have to behave myself.

Yesterday's Fashion East Show was interesting. Stand out was Noki's NHS project (Noki's House of Sustainability). Incredible and original stuff put together without the pretension that often goes with fashion. JJ is a lovely and unasuming fashion person and deserves the notoriety he's sure to get after this show.

See the photos See the photos
here. Pages 3 and 4

I've only done two days of London Fashion Week and I'm pooped! All that free booze….and no food (its fashion darrrrlink…people don't eat). I really don't know how people manage it for a whole week here... then go to Milan and Paris. Too much.

Some of the models were so emaciated, I wanted to chuck pies at them with a catapult.
And for some reason at the Giles Deacon party last night-there were a lot of screaming girls and one in the toilets demanding a note so she could get coke up her beak. Dear oh dear. Where's the mystery eh?

Got lots of free makeup and bits n bobs which is always nice but fashion really isn't my bag y'know. It's nice to hang around on the outskirts and watch it all going on but not something I'd ever want to be involved in.
I certainly have an interest in glamour but not so much in the industry......Unless I was someones muse and they wanted to make me fabulous frocks.

Pic from the Boom Box Book Launch
http://www.dirtydirtydancing.com

I'm off for a big fat chocolate cake.

x

Promoters whinge, BBC and Fashion Week

2007-11-12T18:52:00.000Z

: - (

2007-10-01T23:29:00.001+01:00

I frequent a music mong board called GYBO.
Today, one of the regulars on the board lost his son to ependymoma, a cancerous brain tumour.

His blog of the boy has been very moving to read and has made me think about what I take for granted. Life is wasted and flitted away by so many and the poor little blighter didn't even get a chance.
I'm pretty skint at the moment (is there a time when I'm not?) but gave some money to the Shooting Star Children's Hospice.

I don't dig kids and hardly know Colin but the story of the boy has moved me immensely. If you feel like your life is shite and need a shake up to realise how good you really have it, go read.

http://ependyparent.blogspot.com/

Bring back THE FACE

2007-09-14T18:49:00.000+01:00

I had a dream that THE FACE magazine (sighted as the style bible of the 80s) was being brought back into circulation, so I decided to see if the power of facebook and people stamping their keyboard might work (if it can work for Wispa...)
If you are on facebook, go join.
THE FACE hasn't been beaten (since its closure in 2004) for a monthly round up of pop culture, music, art, fashion, design and excellent journalism. Plus it was sexually ambivalent and contained a lot of humour, which is always a good thing.
Emap will probably have none of it. There's always the possibility of finding a rich type who can by the intellectual copyright and get it back up again.
Maybe, I dunno…just an idea.

Bring back THE FACE

x

Two weeks in Londinium

2007-09-11T21:29:00.001+01:00

Photo Ellis Scott

For the Bistrotheque Drag Ball I did my Princess Margaret (the gin and burnt feet in the bath era) complete with inbred horsy teeth, reddened feet and a bottle of gin which was sprayed through the teeth (and I bloody hate gin).
Was in the International Young Royals category with Ryan Styles, Mr Teds and Lisa Lee for the House of Egypt…we all looked pretty good but there was no contest withPrincess Julia and Scottee who had the same pissed up Margaret idea but was in a wheelchair and all bandaged up.
After party was interesting but lots of fashion people who I don‘t really ‘get‘. Lots of air kissing and enquiring where peoples clothes came from. I’m too large to get into couture (unless it’s a kaftan) and while there are aspects of fashion that I like, I get my ’looks’ from charity shops, markets, ebay and Primarché dahlink! My style is classic glamour and trash, my fashion icon is Penelope Keith as Margo Ledbetter in The Good Life mixed with anything I can get my hands on that fits. High fashion hasn’t yet reached the plus sizes.

Went to see Prince again at the 02. There was a pretty strong rumour that Chaka Khan was going to be supporting but unfortunately she didn’t show but was still a great show despite being sat next to a rather hefty lady with bad B.O. and her boyfriend who kept clapping out of time like a seal.

Photo Eric Brown
Following day, went to Brighton for the International Moustache and Beard Championships as a friend of my partner had come over from New York for it. We arrived for the finals to see men from all over the world compete in showing off their facial furniture. A popular winner was the German chap who has sculpted his beard into the shape of Tower Bridge.
Amazing spectacle and a great atmosphere full of smiling beardy folk. And the odd beard chassers (the sight of a twenty something woman snoging an old fella with a perfectly pruned full white beard will remain for some time).
Went to the casino and a bear bar (keeping the theme beardy) and on to a party for http://www.radio4a.org.uk/
Not really my cuppa normally but some very interesting live bands and speech rap. Got a bit wasted but a really good night. Few hours kip then sat on the beach feeling rancid for a few hours before returning to London for a pretty naff Sunday roast in East Dulwich. All in all though, a good Tranny free weekend.

Ended up on the jury again for the Popjustice Pop song of the year award. After lots of controversy, arguing (plus a woman who gave a very long speech in favour of Calvin Harris stating he was original. Hmm….. I asked her if she was a lawyer at the end of it) and random processes of elimination, Amy Winehouse - Rehab was declared the winner. Rightly so. A great pop song and the irony is too sweet. Poor girl needs help. I hate to see talent wasted and she has a lot more than a lot of singer/songwriter starlets who all seem to blend into one. Sickens me to see the press pap her every move-give the girl a friggin break eh?
Highlight of the evening was a bunch of us going to a Chinese buffet where a double vodka cost more than 2 singles, odd rules of paying before you eat and a very grumpy and disgruntled waitress which resulted in her kicking us out.

Wednesday was to Bistrotheque to see the preview of Jonny Woo’s new show ‘International Woman on Mister E’ which is brilliant and opens in October-I’d recommend strongly you go to see it.
Jonny is a fantastic person all round. Love him as a person and a big fan of his work. This show will make him a big star, believe.

Saturday was a trip to Dansistor at Cable Street Studios in Elephant and Castle put on the guys behind Horse Meat Disco. Now that’s not an area I frequent for going to the disco but it was definitely worth making the trip. Its now one of my favourite venues in London.
Reasonable bar prices with friendly staff (a massive rarity in this cynical old town. Have you ever been served a beer with a smile in Shoreditch or the West End? Probably yes but the come few and far between), great spaces (two rooms with a large smoking terrace) and for Dansistor, a great soundtrack. Lots of the ‘gals’ from Glastonbury were there so it was pretty good fun. The alley way and bar ‘performances’ by Jonny Woo and Suppositori Spelling (who has just returned to San Fran, shame she never got off the ground here in London) were quite memorable.

This week I’ve got 2 occasions to don a wig. First up is the Kentish Town Village Fete. An all day music festival in the guise of a local fete-ace. Most of the people playing are proper ‘bands’ so its something pretty unusual for me but looks like a pretty good day out. I’m due onstage around 9.30 if you’re about.
Sunday is Euro Gay Bingo special. Anton De Caunes from Eurotrash (which needs to be resurrected on Ch4) will be there filming for French TV so dress to distress (or something like that).

I have a few rather exciting projects I’m working on that I can’t discus at the moment but its all looking peachy. Will be going on holiday soon before I go back to college to continue my Fine Art Masters before I go insane.

Till next time kids…..

x

Singstar Extravaganza Pics and Together at Turnmills...

2007-08-24T16:06:00.000+01:00

Last night was the Singstar Extravaganza which was a bit of a farce and nobody really knew what was going on but I won a trophy for singing Groove is in the Heart.
Disappointed our house lost overall even though we won most of the categories….. Told later that it was all pre planned who would win. Fzzzz

Good laugh at the end of it all.
PHOTOS HERE

Next weeks Bistrotheque Ball in THE Ball to get excited about. I’m walking in the International Royals category. Might drink gin and piss myself on stage…dunno yet.

Tomorrow is Together at Turnmills which is going to be HUMONGOUS

LOOK AT THE LINE UP!!!!

Then I’m going to collapse in a corner and try and find a good and cheap place to go on holigay…I need one!
x

GYBOat Party & Gay Bingo

2007-08-20T15:04:00.000+01:00

Ooooouch I hurt.
GYBOat Party went very well (despite the rain) but I drank until my head hurt.
Big thanks to those who played-most of who traveled quiet a distance to get here (Lenlow from Boston, Eve Massacre and Deep Disco Force from Germany, Dunproofin and McSleazy from Scotland).
Was a headache to organise but went well on the day.
Odd being on a boat full of music mongs (who mong on GYBO.org) with little dancing going on until the end. I was sure the Pirate Soundsystem would have induced a rave/knees up.
Music people.....they make music, play music but don't dance to it.

Anywhoo.....big up to Freelance Hellraiser, Osymyso, Soundhog, McSleazy, Dunproofin, Pirate Soundsystem, Cartel Communique, Eve Massacre, Lenlow and The_Dr.
And Peter - the guv from the boat.

Will there be one next year? Dunno.
I did a lot of work for no money. I don't mind doing a few projects for nothing but doing it for love doesn't pay the bills.
Anyhoo...
GYBOat Party Photos

Sunday was a Madonna special at Gay Bingo which was fun.
I did 'Over and Over' and played it out quiet literally. Drank and poured vodka over myself and took pills. Kept falling over in a stupor but as the song goes 'I get up again, over and over'. See what I did there?!

Jonny Woo, Ma Butcher, John Sizzle, Marc with a C and I performed. Russella put on her face, walked around and took it off again. Loon.

Gay Bingo Photos

Got two live singing gigs this week - Thursday is Singstar thing at Cafe De Paris and Saturday is Together at Turnmills!!! Fuck seeing me...look at the rest of the line up!!

x

Gazelland Party Press (yay but a little meh...)

2007-08-09T13:56:00.000+01:00

CLICK HERE TO SEE FULL ARTICLE

So I'm very happy we got some press-but it seems the gay press are merely interested in certain factors.

I organised the whole she-bag, didn't perform like it suggests. Nelly didn't play on the night. Gazelle is the editor of the mag and came all the way from New York. Namalee is not a tranny.
Jody, Pete and Kimberley are big names but they were guests (no offence to you girls :-). There was very little mention of the performers and artists who had worked hard for this event and deserve props.

Oh I forget....Boyz is heat magzine for gays.

Of course I'm going to notice the minor details that nobody else will as it was my project.....probably should be grateful that the event received anything but I like to see credit where its due.
That's probably me screwed for any publicity in the future but do I really care? I'm not into sucking up to anyone and 'playing the game'. Boring!!!

Thank you once again to all the fabulous people involved-it really was a great night.
Again….the role call of the fabulous….

Gazelle, Stefan, Dusty O, Richard Torry , Mathew Glamorre, Paul Morgan, Bishi, Mika Doll, Namalee N the Namazonz, Chycca, Suppositori Spelling, Samar, DAVID, Elliot Fu, Malcom Pate, Christian and Tasty Tim.

I've received a ridiculous amount of friends requests on myspace since (where do you people come from?) and have had requests asking me to promote other parties but I really couldn't do it full time. Too much stress, too many annoying factors involved in the process etc. I will be doing another party in the future though….

ART WATCH………Go and see the Anthony Gormley-Blind Light exhibition at the Hayward (brilliant, disorientating, stays with you for a while after, though provoking but fun…everything art should be), the summer expo at the Royal Academy (can somebody please buy me the smoking rabbit?), Keith Arnatt and Chris Coekin shows at the Photographers Gallery and Paul Insect at Lazarides Gallery.
First time in a while I've enjoyed so many big shows.
Oh and you really should also go and see my show at Circus, 58 Marylebone High Street. Exhibition is on till 5th November ;-)
Will probably pop in to the Warhol vs. Bansky show at Hospital tomorrow. Brilliant concept.

P.S. I've just watched The Nolans doing 'I'm in the mood for dancing' on Loose Women. LOVE the choreography! Simple but works.

P.P.S Field Day Saturday!!! Woo!!

“I’m selling out, I want the world to know, I’m on a TV show”

2007-08-06T16:22:00.000+01:00

I shot a rather cheesy thing for a new TV station that will be launched on freeview soon. Its giving me an excellent internal insight into the power of the media and celebrity (which my Masters thesis will be based on).
TV - I’m not desperate for that kind of exposure and adulation. If it happens naturally then great but its not something I’m chasing to raise my profile.
They have offered me something else which would be bloody hilarious (but would be very hard to remain serious and not take the piss. Its at the heart of my fascination with the desire to be famous without any talent behind it). We’ll see how things go. I’m really not arsed about being on TV and won’t do it for nothing.

Yeah I’m a whore but we’ve all got our price and I never said I wouldn’t do TV.
Do I want to be a grumpy, starving artist with lots of integrity but no shoes or a comfortable one who uses the opportunities thrown at me and furthering my artistic development for my own means? The later thanks.
I’ve already had certain members of the artistic community tell me I can’t flit between fine art and populist entertainment. Erm why the fuck not? Who created these rules? They are meant to be broken. So there.

Straight after being in full drag in a TV studio saying silly sound bites and rolling my eyes around, I went to see his royal purple majesty, Prince at the 02. Wow!!! The little bugger made me weep.
I’m not religious but I did for a minute understand how religious nutters get high worshiping an omniscient celestial being. Watching him play his guitar and truly love playing with other amazing musicians, I felt a feeling of total hero worship I’ve never experienced before and got a little teary eyed.
My partner kept trying to talk to me through the show but I was mesmerised for most of it.
AMAZING! And will definitely be going again (for £31.21 it would be rude not to). Tracks of the night for me, Controversy and Lets Go Crazy. OK Planet Earth has 2 decent songs on it and his work isn’t as funky as he was (I blame his God love) but the guy is a true musical genius and does what he does very very well.

I’ve had a great year for live music so far; Justice, Daft Punk, Bjork, Bassey, Sly and the Family Stone, Blondie, Prince and I hear Stevie Wonder is coming to town. Oh my!!!!

After party turned quite unintentionally messy. Very much so.
Saturday was spent in bed feeling rough as fuck.

Sunday was the 1234 Festival in Shoreditch Park. Stunning day and well organised event except for a few things. Need more bars and more bogs!
Only 2 bars on site and having to queue for 30 mins for a piss next to some pikey fun fair with the MC giving it “scream if you want to go faster, don’t be shy give it a try etc etc” wasn’t much fun.
Plus the sound on the main stage was pretty arse unless you were stood right in front of the stage (but guess they have sound restrictions) but besides that…all good. Har Mar Superstar did his clothes removing routine, telling everyone he was going to fuck them and the water scene from Flashdance. He is rather bloody good and deserves more props but possibly too rude to be mainstream.

Next week is Field Day Festival so Justice live for the third time this year (not to be sniffed at though). Should be good!!
Week after is the GYBO 5th Anniveresary Boat party that I've organised (secretly wishing I hadn't tbh, Should be fun for the most part but there are some people who are sure to annoy the shit out of me) and then Together at Turnmills the following weekend. The press release says

"Holestar-The UK's only Tranny with a Fanny. Hilarious."

Erm cheers...

I do need a holiday. Somewhere chilled where I don’t have to worry about wigs.
New York and Turkey were work and I've not been on a proper "forget about everything, turn the phone off, leave me alone" holiday since Morocco over two years ago.

Till next time...

x

Gazelland Party-The Aftermath

2007-08-02T16:13:00.000+01:00

Thank you so much for the comments and messages about last nights Gazelland party at Trannyshack-glad that people enjoyed it and had a good time.

I'm very happy with how it all went-big queue, full all night, great atmosphere. Brilliant. Really couldn't have gone better.

I have been asked to do more parties but truth be told-as much as I enjoyed promoting it (despite the stress of certain annoying factors that made things difficult) I'm an artist first, then performer, followed by dj, dominatrix and finally promoter.
Its not as easy as people think and though I will do it again for sure, I couldn't do it full time. I've got too many other projects that need attention.

Big thanks to Gazelle (for flying in from NYC just for the party and creating such a fabulous magazine-its truly amazing), Stefan, Dusty O, Paul Morgan, Bishi, Mika Doll, Namalee, Chycca, Suppositori Spelling, David, Elliot, Malcom, Christian (for my HUGE wig), Tasty Tim, Richard Torry and Mathew Glamorre.
Special mention to all the fabulous people who really made an effort and dressed up. Was excellent to see such chic freak expressionism going on in one space.
Viva la difference!

(For those who missed their copy of gazelland-The Skin Issue, you can order it from www.gazelland.com )

All photos by Paul Morgan

Poppers and Vogue...

2007-07-30T11:36:00.000+01:00

Only just realised I haven’t done a me me me blog blub since New York. Well……

Past few months have can be best summarised by song; “Life is a roller coaster, just gotta ride it”. Thank you Ronan (shudder urgggh ick…I feel so dirty….)

Lets see now,
I’ve DJed on the main floors at Heaven and 93 Feet East, performed at Egg, Nude, Fannyshack and Gay Bingo, played Dr Lecter in Hannibal The Cannibal-The Musical, threw a Eurovision party (Ukraine were robbed!! Silly old tranny with a star on her head rules over bull dyke ballad any day), won heat 2 of Tranny Talent at Bistrotheque (with an edit of my 'Insanity of Modern Ceelebrity' show. Came runner up in the final), saw Justice and Daft Punk live, won Mr Trannyshack UK 2007 (as Later Hos...geddit? oh) , installed a video art piece in my first proper London exhibition, Left of Centre (which runs until November kids) and was part of the NYC Downlow at Glastonbury and Lovebox Festivals. And beat a few men up in-between. Non too shabby.

Glastonbury was brilliant. What a team! Everyone involved was excellent and we all became a little Downlow family.

I snuck away for a bit on Friday to see MIA but she was exactly that (Missing In Action) and we got Lilly Allen instead (ok I guess), caught Rufus Wainwright doing Judy Garlands ‘Get Happy’, Shlomo, Boy Better Know, Arcade Fire and Bjork who was bloody ace. The tunes, the visuals, the lasers. My!

Most of the time was spent in drag either doing the door, performing, hanging out of the window with a megaphone abusing punters or getting in a right old state.

Everyone involved is toooooo good and works bloody hard.
Its pretty depressing that the London gay scene hasn’t really embraced a lot of the people involved as they are amazing and those who know me (as in real life, not this interweb life ) know I don’t dish out compliments willy nilly.
I can’t imagine a lot of the fanny/granny drag set putting up with leaky tents and vile bogs going on stage to entertain without any drama whilst wearing wellys.
(I really shouldn’t bitch and there is a place for that but after seeing a few shows at London Pride a few weeks ago, it made me realise the depressing reality of those who make the money in this town and those who deserve to.)

Anyway, our tent was the best in the festival. Zoe Ball and Norman Cook said so. We also had Kevin Spacey lurking in the corners, Will Young queuing for his moustache to get in, Rosario Dawson getting trannyed up and a few naff celebs.

Sunday we all went to see Shirley Bassey (dressed as Ms Bassey) do what she does and the final night was very messy. Very very messy in every sense.

Dance of the Downlow - The Electric Slide
Song of the Downlow - Liza Minelli - Ring Them Bells
Phrase of the Downlow - Poppers & Vogue

Big thanks to all the guys from Horse Meat Disco (who played brilliant classic disco all weekend), Rob and Gideon for everything, John Sizzle Jonny Woo, Filthy Luka, Ryan ‘Wendy House’ Styles, Russella, Ma Butcher, Marc with a C, Suppositori Spelling, Booby Tuesday (RIP), Scotee, Le Gateaux Chocolat (we have discussed collaborating. Our name will be Chocolat Star Fish), Jeanette, Jay Jay, Peter, Jim Stanton, James Hillard, Felix, Severino, Robin, Terry, all the crew and anyone I might have forgot (sorry). It really was one if the best weekends I’ve ever had (despite the mud).

Glastonbury Pics

Same again for the Lovebox Festival in London but a much bigger venue. But like Glasto, we were packed out pretty much all day, one in one out.
Doing the door was fun, rounding up punters like sheep (its amazing what you can get away with whilst wearing a wig). Once again, whole thing brilliant. Saw Sly and the Family Stone (rather disappointing as Sly turned up for about 3 songs and looked and sounded like a rather broken Flava Flav). Sometimes legends should just stay legends in your head and remembered that way. Its like when I saw Liza Minelli make a tit out of herself at the Life Ball in Vienna two years ago. I wanted to say “No Liza, put the mic down and step away” before giving her a big hug and maybe a Valium)

Popped to the Joiners Arms with Mr Teds after Lovebox and then to a rather silly after party in Shoreditch with my partner getting in a right old state.

In the last week I performed Shirley’s version of ‘Light My Fire’ at Gay Bingo (though there being lots of fans, my fires weren’t being lit. At least the sparklers went off at the end) which was very good fun, passed my first year on my Fine Art Masters at St Martinis and spent a nice day being a tourist around London for the day. (You really take it for granted how much this city has going on).

Lovebox and Gay Bingo Pics

Unfortunately had a few projects cancelled (due to unforeseeable circumstances) but on Wednesday I’m promoting the Gazelland Magazine Skin Issue Party at Trannyshack. Managed to round up some very interesting performers who appear in the magazine and despite a few niggles, really looking forward to it. Good to have something a little alternative in the West End.

Ooh and Friday I’m off to see the purple majesty that is Prince in concert (shame his new album is poo AND he gave it away with hate rag the ’Mail on Sunday’).

I need someone who speaks Hungarian. I'm in a Hungarian magazine called 'Pep' this month. They sent me the article but I have no idea what it says (except it mentions Jefree 'you must loove meee' Star). Article here.

Oh and if you haven’t seen it yet, there is a rather amusing blog about the gay scene in London. I don’t go out in my disguise enough to get photographed or attract attention (thank the lord-don’t really want to be a regular face on the scene-I’m an artist darn it!) but whoever it is (I’ve got a good idea) has got some folk truly riled. Every scene needs it pirate to piss off the purists.
http://www.naffnaffqueenqueen.blogspot.com/

And my favorite woman of the moment is Sondra Prill. Google her, revel in her story, watch the only two videos of her on youtube; a beachy version of Technotronics Pump Up The Jam and Janet Jacksons Nasty. Pure genius, I heart her. I WILL be doing my own version of Sondra on a stage near you. Perhaps.

This video about accessorizing is very amusing. Well I like to think so.

Anyway…I really should fix my wig

x

New York. So Crazy Right Now......

2007-04-27T15:03:00.000+01:00

Yah its been a few weeks since I came back but I've been busy sine my return from the Big Banana (thanks to Chris for that term. Calling it the Big Apple is so last millennium.)

My trip started out a bit arsey as I had a chav couple slagging off my technicolored sequined jacket on the bus (for no reason except maybe they might have been desperate to get home and watch themselves on Jeremy Kyle. They judge and so shall I) and then a guy getting pissy about asking him to move so I could sit in the seat I'd booked on the plane.
Hardly a good start so I said, 'We're stuck sitting next to each other for quite some time so we might as well get on eh?' Got on famously after that.

Arrived in New York city all buzzy as I was popping my New York cherry. Stayed in Chelsea with my fabulous host Gazelle who is the editor of the freak chic mag Gazelland (The 'Skin' issue which is released June 07 will be a testament of our times featuring the chic freaks of London and New York at their rawest).

After settling in, I had a wonder to Times Square (not as slutty as I'd imagined but then again, I was basing my initial opinion on Annie Sprinkles') and was bombarded by advertising and neon. It makes Piccadilly Circus looks like pound shop Christmas lights.
What really surprised and disturbed me was that right in the middle of it all was an American Army careers advice booth, screaming out glamorous propaganda. 'Join the Army and you'll be a hero, travel the world, spend your whole time windsurfing, be a right hunk etc.
Having been in the Army myself (still hard to believe that I did two years in khaki-not flattering) I know this is all a load of bullshit to merely entice those who are desperate, have no ambition and/or stupid enough (I was desperate and a little stupid) into a career that messes with your sense of self and could have you sent home to your olds in a bag. All for what? Don't do it kids. They treat you like crap, not a human being. You are stripped of any individuality as they don't want an Army that can think, they want one that can follow orders.

Anyways….Wednesday, did my gay pilgrimage to St Christopher Street and The Stonewall Inn. There’s a statue commemorating the 1969 riots of two gay men standing and two women seated. Reminds me of a stereotyped gay club, the queens are up dancing having a whale of a time while the lesbians are sat in the corner talking about property and how to prepare mung beans.

In the evening I was invited to see the potty mouthed grande dame of New York, Joan Rivers by her lovely manager Chip. My date was Russella who was also over from London.

I was anticipating more from Joan to be honest. There were moments of genius but as a whole, left me a little flat. Amazing in how different she is offstage. She'll hate me for saying this but she was like a little frail old lady. I made her laugh with a sweat shop joke when she said she liked the same jacket that chavs had ridiculed a day previous.

Rushed back to get changed for my debut show in NYC at Slurp at The Cock (genius name) hosted by the fabulous and wonderfully warm Linda Simpson who edits My Comrade magazine (another excellent and well written alternative mag).
The crowd are quite cruisey so feared they wouldn't 'get me' but they screamed all they way through my two tracks (Two Magdalene Fuckers and Show Me Your Banana). Couldn't have asked for a better response if I'd paid for it!
Forgetting that the word 'Fanny' means 'Arse' in the States (The Tranny with the Bum?) I had to ask if they knew what it meant and a few screamed out 'Vagina'. Glad we got that cleared up.
The music at Slurp is as filthy as the clientele and there is an air of non-pretentious fun. A lot of folk were exquisitely dressed up and there was a lot of slutty sex, tea bagging and booze consumption. If you get the chance, I insist you go.

Thursday was more sight seeing (and shopping, well with 1.90 dollars to the pound, was rude not to-felt like everything was a half price sale) before going to Kino 41 promoted by club ledged Susanne Bartsch and Kenny Kenny which was a bevy of sleek style. In attendance were club stars Amanda Lepore, Lady Fag (who like me, rocks the gender bender look), Andre J, Cazwell, Zelda (an original from Studio 54 days) and other beautiful and glamorous creatures of the night.

Then hot footed it into a cab over to the Hiro Ballroom (nightmare to get in, even though I was on DJ Mehdi's guest list-the staff are rather rude so be prepared) to see the wonderful Ed Banger Records boys tear things up.

These French guys are the best thing about music right now and if you haven't heard one of the tracks from their stable on a dance floor recently, you must be dead. This isn't nu rave (always thought that a ghastly term, especially as I'm old enough to remember old rave. I don't see the point of making anything new or nu-just 'be' honey) this is pure sweat-down-your-crack-go-crazy-shake-yourself-around party music. They throw regular parties in London and they are simply some of the best parties I've been to and I've been clubbing for 15 years now-so go! Justice, DJ Mehdi, Busy P and SebastiAn-what a line up, what lovely fellas.

Friday, more tourist action and in the evening, a show at Area hosted by Michael Formika Jones Jones and James Coppola (who also promotes Unisex Salon hosted by Justin Bond. I didn't get the chance to go myself but everyone I met raved about it-sounds like the freakiest hot ho down in town right now).
Half the draglets and club freaks in NYC seem to attend Area-lots of fun. Surprised to hear a large amount of bootlegs (mash ups/blends/whatever the kids are calling them nowadays) being played.
Performed two tracks (Two Magdalene Fuckers (My video) and Pussycat Party Bloc Party-Banquet vs. Pussycat Dolls-Don't Cha both originally produced by Dunproofin ) and was followed by opera drag star Shequida and resident Peppermint.

Hailing cabs are a bit tricky if you’re dressed a bit freaky in NYC. Had a few who would pull over, take one look at me then pull off. Charming. Managed to flag one down and over to the second show of the night at Element for Bootie NYC.
Bootie is a San Francisco based night of bootlegs and bastard pop shenanigans. In the house were GYBO (a music mong board I frequent) folk Partyben, Adrian and Mysterious D, Katie Enlow and Lenlow. Nice to hang with musical people I know from the interweb.

Saturday was another Formika and Coppola night at Avalon, which used to be the infamous Limelight, the church come club where the homosexual massive go to worship.
Cazwell hosted a Go-Go Idol competition which was ironically won by a Brit who won by sticking his fingers in his bum (can't take us anywhere). Spent most of the night outside smoking as the no smoking rule forces all the naughty folk out.

When the ban comes to London, I feel its going to divide clubbers. They'll either put up and go outside or it will see the return of house parties. I'm all for the later.
The chapel is fun pop and electro but the main room plays that dull progressive, take your top off and show yer pecs stuff. It never peaks and just mixes on and on and on. Hey, the gays like that-good for them but I prefer a hands in the air like you really couldn't care vibe.
Went to breakfast at the Yaffa Café (despite going there the night before with the Bootie crew) and we fed our faces. I recommend the Moroccan style chicken dipper things-gorgeous.

Sunday was a dull rainy day so after getting up and wondering around Chinatown, decided to take in a show (as you do). Wanted to see what Broadway had made of John Waters' 'Hairspray' but there was no show on a Sunday so settled for 'Rent'. Was good and very well done but the 'ooh we're poor artists, nobody accepts us and we've all got AIDS' part (which is the main storyline) grated a bit. I want see high kicks and high glamour in musicals.

Monday did the Staten Island ferry for a free view of downtown and the Statue of Liberty (smaller than I'd imagined) on a beautifully gloomy day. There was a big haze over the city and gave it a different edge to what you see in tourist and travel pics.
Had a look at Grand Central Station (wow! So beautiful, so moody, so quiet) and did a self portrait video there.

In the evening Gazelle took me to the Patricia Field (stylist to the stars) 1 year anniversary shop party. (There were a huge pair of 'star' earrings teasing me. Out came the card. I have no will.)
Met the wonderful designer Dres, the incredible and lovely Johnny Darnell, JoJo Americo and Paul Alexander from The Ones, Nicky London, Patrick Macdonald, Merlin from www.lastnightsparty and ate a delicious mouse of Patricia's own recipe (the rest of the nibbles were rather lacklustre though). When introducing myself to Perfidia, she thought I'd said Coleslaw instead of Holestar. Which stuck for the rest of my trip. Quite like that actually.

Was interviewed for a film about the House of Field. I always get baffled when being interviewed; afraid I'll say something inappropriate. After a lot of blag, I finished it off by saying "New York City, Eat My Pussy". Think that nailed it.

Tuesday was about time I saw some art (soooo lazy) and popped to the Guggenheim which half was unfortunately closed as they were doing a new show but the Family Portraits exhibition was fantastic. Had a bimble around Central Park and picked up a few more bits of tat I don't need in the Jewellery Quarter (it's a drag accessories paradise) before returning to Gazelles place to be photographed by the wonderful artist Olan.
Can't wait to see what he does with me.

Didn't fancy partying on my last night so Gazelle and I went out for dinner at Cafeteria (wouldn't call it quiet though, they play pumping house music really loudly while you dine).

Wednesday afternoon went to lunch with James Coppola at a Korean place (very nice) and then it was time to head out to JFK.

So, New York; was my first time and loved it. I would like to live there in the future but my heart currently belongs to London.
I met some amazing, unique and lovely people (please excuse the name dropping) rocking unique and fierce looks who I'll definitely be keeping in touch with. There are unfortunately some snooty and dull leeches/hangers-on, which you get everywhere I guess. I've never understood this mentality-posing is so 90s.
I think we think we currently have a more inventive music scene in London for my ears and music is very dear to me.

Big cheers to Gazelle for being a great host. When I asked him why he started Gazelland, he said he saw a club kid done and painted up to the nines. A club photographer refused to take his picture and was only interested in snapping the generic looking muscle mary, body beautiful homos so decided to start his own thing that celebrated the diverse and unusual. Hurrah for Gazelland!!
Like the UK, there is a homogenised 'look' that many gay and lesbian publications tend to lean towards but they are missing out on so much and who are they to say what is considered beautiful or the 'ideal'? Hetero mags do his aplenty and surely as gays are still marginalized by society, shouldn't they be celebrating our diverse, flamboyant and unique snowflake side? And I don't mean the odd drag queen chucked in at Pride events for freak factor either.

As history chronicles, London and New York have continually passed the crown of Western club scene capital to and fro. Berlin had it for a while, Paris is nudging its way in but in the history of clubbing and music, London and New York are the monarchy in the hot combination of innovative music and style

I've been asked back and when I get some money together again (contrary to popular belief, us dragsters don't get paid much y'know) , I'll be there but for now I've umpteen thing to be getting on with.

I'll be MCing with the Pirate Soundsystem at Nude, performing as Dr Hannibal Lecter in Hannibal The Cannibal-The Musical (written and directed by San Fransisco's Trannyshack Queen, Suppositori Spelling), creating some art for my Fine Art Masters at St Martinis, drumming up new music and performance ideas and trying to track down a producer who I can 'click' with musically and creatively.
I will find him/her/them eventually. I'm a stubborn sod. Yep!

Holestar New York Photos

Area , Avalon and other club pics by Mc Mike

New York Photos

2007-04-05T22:44:00.000+01:00

(Click the pic of Patricia Field and moi)

Blog to follow. It was the hotness, believe. Met the following people;

Gazelle (Editor of Gazelland Magazine and amazing host)
Joan Rivers (liked my jacket)
Sequinette (does a good Dolly Parton)
Lady Fag (fellow drag lady)
Glenn (Miss LES 2007)
Amanda Lepore (needs no intro-like no other)
Rainblo (club host)
Kenny Kenny (club promoter and ledged)
Susanne Bartsch (created some of the fiercest parties know to NYC)
Andre J (beardy blonde)
Cazwell (homo rapper-star)
Zelda (Studio 54 club ledged)
Tommie Sunshine (beardy wonder muso)
DJ Mehdi
Busy P
Xavier (from Justice)
Sebastian (all from Ed Banger records-love these guys-you have no idea how much)
Michael Formika Jones (NYC star and promoter of Area and Avalon)
Epiphany (drag starlet)
Logan (too young to be doing what she does!!)
Peppermint (stunning dragster)
Shequida (operatic drag lady)
Aunt Acid (messy)
Katie Enlow (fellow live bootleg lady)
Lenlow (masher uper)
Partyben (San Fran ledged)
Adrian Roberts (from Smash Up Derby)
Mysterious D (both Bootie promoters)
James Coppola (promoter with Formika and his own hot night Unisex Salon)
Jonny Noir (drag DJ)
Acid Betty (that bitch can work a look!!)
Michael (Gazelle’s assistant)
Dres (lovely fashion designer)
Nicky London (fashion, style and club archivist and historian)
Meca (vogue champion who worked under Willy Ninja)
Patrick McDonald (Fashionista)
JoJo Americo
Paul Alexander (both from The Ones)
Patricia Field (stylist to the stars extraordinaire)
Jonny Dynell (music and club ledged)
Stephen Keyes (makeup artist)
Perfidia (who called me Coleslaw)
Olan (hot artist who is doing a portrait of me)
Merlin (from
www.lastnightsparty.com I’m on the front page!! Eeeeep!!)

And many many other amazing and wonderful and super people (some right dull cunty folk too who seem to hang around the ‘in’ people has they have no personality or talent themselves-hey the leeches exist everywhere).

Gigs went well and I’ve been asked back-yay!
I’m worn out, skint but had such a great great time.

More later

xXx

Video of Two Mag Fu**ers from Trannyshack UK Album

2007-03-26T21:11:00.000+01:00

Vienna, Nails, Media Whore and Insanity of Modern Celebrity

2007-03-26T20:12:00.000+01:00

Soooooooooo......beginning of February I went to Vienna to do a sing song at a new gay night Think Pink which was quite fun. Cyberqueen Zoly did a cracking show too-that guy know how to weerrrk it I tells ya.
Getting changed in the backstage area with pumped up muscle marys and go-go girls with fake boobies reminded me how much the clubbing scene I work in London now differs so much from Vienna.

Nice to bump into old faces I hadn’t seen in ages too.
Friday popped to see my kitty cats in their new home. God I still miss them but wasn’t as heartbreaking as the last time as I’ve learned to let go and happy to see they are content with Ingrid (even though seeing Monkey pick on Merkin still sadness me).
Spent the rest of the weekend with the amazing and wonderful Mr Eddie Cole. We had popcorn, watched silly things on TV, drank vodka and talked to ‘Frank’.
Saturday, we went to see The Rounder Girls perform at an anti racism thing which was a good laugh. The girls do this thing during their performance of Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves where they break it down and each freestyle over each other. Seen it loads of time but always makes the hair on my neck stand up. I want Lynne Kierans voice! She’s been a huge inspiration to me and both her and Eddie have given me a lot of good advice about the ‘industry’.

Eddie, Marcello Denardo and I then went to Why Not. Luckily Sasha (Drag code name Charlotte) now runs it so got us in for free and gave us a few cheeky tipples. We danced and drank and danced some more. Eddie was on top form and I haven’t laughed so much in ages!
Before I went back, had lunch with my good friend and photographic collaborator, Armin Bardel. Had a lovely Tafel Spitz and catch up.
All in all a great working and play weekend.

Photos from the whole she-bang here http://www.flickr.com/photos/23627719@N00/sets/72157594545667186/

Upon returning, went the Kokon to Zai Fashion Party hosted by Jodie Harsh. That was good fun until some county bastard stole my bag (twice in a month-aaargh!!!) literally put it down to move to a new seat turned and it was gone. Decided to leave as felt pretty fucked off and decided to have a quick look in the loos in case someone had slung it in there, only to have someone slam my fingers in the door. The nails on my ring and middle finger on my left hand are still quite fucked.

Later that week I was on the judging panel for the Trannyshack Pageant (pretty poor show to be honest and having people come up to me after asking why they didn’t win was a bit disheartening.)

Have been getting back into college (well I am doing a Fine Art Masters and should be showing my face more regularly) Gave a presentation of my work and have now been asked to give a lecture about it. Ha!! Holestar the visiting lecturer!

Been a bit of a media whore lately too. Have appeared in no less than 5 magazines in the last two months Gib (Austrian Gay Mag-not too chuffed with what they did and the old naff photos they used), AXM (Interview and pic from the Horse Meat Disco Vogue Ball competition I won), Front cover of QX with the Trannyshack gals for the album launch, Boyz (same), Love It! (Very funny. Did a Mistress piece about trampling. The reason I did it was to show how journalists change things to suit their readership. I recorded the interview on my dictaphone and will blow up the mag article so people can see what is written and hear what was actually said.) and QX again with a full page interview and ad for my solo show. (Click here to read it).

DJed for Colin Rothbarts’ big birthday do. Mamma Shamone tore it up as did Miss Odd Kid in the kitchen. I ended up playing on the worst DJ console known to man for hours so relied on playing party tunes which worked. My very good bud Tom Oke played too. I’ve always known he is a good DJ but he really blew me away. That boy needs gigs!!!
Got absolutely trolleys and met the fabulous Peter Glam and Dean Pervert. So nice to be at a party full of amazingly creative and inspiring people.

Following week did Nude at Ministry of Sound with Jonny Woo, Russela Ryan Styles and Mr Teds. Theme was Neon Orgy. First up we were Gods and Goddesses. I was Juno the Goddess of fertility so had my strap-on on (again). Wankerish crowd were pulling at it so every time one of them did, I made them suck it. I don’t know what it is with that kind of crowd, they see a freak on stage and think they have the right to touch us. Fucks.
The next two sets were in the bar which were much more fun. Long night but love working with those guys.

Wednesday 14th was the premiere of my new show, ‘It Ain’t What You Do It’s The Way That You Do It’.
Started off doing new track I’ve done with Scott Houzet called ‘Show Me Your Banana’ which is uber uber gay (go and have a listen on my myspace page www.myspace.com/holestar). Then did a little Holestar bootleg medley followed by my new concept performance piece ‘The Insanity of Modern Celebrity’.

In a nutshell, the piece is about the rise of media driven modern celebrity, where talent isn’t necessary to be famous.
What happens when the fame and adulation is taken away, there is nothing but a media persona, nothing to fall back on and nobody is interested in who you are anymore?
My twisted take is that you go crazy and lose focus with reality. There are constant reports of so-called celebs going into rehab for drug and mental reasons, is this a by-product of fame? I see fame as the drug of the 21st century and is clearly highly addictive, evident by the endless amount of people who put themselves up for reality TV shows and do all they can to retain their spot in the light.
Anna Nicole Smith was a perfect example of this; she wanted fame and aspired to be Marilyn Monroe. Did that desire for fame ultimately cause her demise? Interesting that her death is shrouded by similar conspiracy as Monroe.

There has always been humour in my art work (shame most of it is not online, was removed as it was considered immoral and disgusting by the site providers, heh) and ’The Insanity of Modern Celebrity’ is an attempt to make performance art more accessible and entertaining in what some would consider a low brow and populist medium.
Art for all I say. Lets not confine it merely to the gallery, let everyone have a gander and enjoy.
If people don’t get the concept, that’s fine. I intend for them to be entertained regardless how they receive it.

In it, I lip synch and have taken many audio sources from TV, ads, films, music and edited them together (a long and painful process!) so its all very quick and uses things from Mommy Dearest, French & Saunders, Shake n Vac, Prince, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, Gnarls Barkley, Nikki Big Brother, X Factor and the end part of Pink Flamingos.

Video of Show Me Your Banana(with Vanilla Lush and Ritzy Crackers throwing around some bananas and being slutty)

Video of Bootleg Medley

Video of The Insanity of Modern Celebrity
On its way

Then there was the Kavinsky EP launch party at Sin (nice looking but awful club. £4 for a beer!!) Whole thing from start to finish was incredible!! DJ Mehdi knows how to work a crowd into a frothy froth! SebastiAn, Surkin and Kavinsky also played (Justice, Oizo and Buzy P didn’t show-bah) and the whole thing was top top drawer! A few of us stumbled to the dodgy bar on Hanway Street after. Tom and I were very very battered!

The Saturday I did a turn at Bastards’ new home, The Macbeth. Did Two Magdalene Fuckers as the E-Jitz were in the house from Aberdeen, The Insanity of Modern Celebrity again (better the second time, felt more relaxed) and Andy Dunproofins’ Pussy Cat Party as a finale. Good reaction, enjoyed it.

Video of Two Mag Fucks

Finally have a copy of the Trannyshack album. Rather pissed off with the record company that they haven’t credited E-Jitz anywhere on the CD or DVD. Name is also spelt wrong. It’s listed as Hideaway (Two Magdaline Fuckers) - Holestar. Wrong.
I insisted that it be E-Jitz featuring Holestar and that they get a credit for the track as it’s not mine, my idea or concept, I’ve just covered their original bootleg. I believe credit should be where it’s due.

Annnnyyyhoo
Next week I’m off to New York. The Big Apple (or the Big Banana as my good friend Chris likes to call it).
Exciting. Its my first time and a bit nervous. Got three shows (one that I was really looking forward to got cancelled but hey, 3 is good for a nobody like moi), tickets to see Joan Rivers (friend of a friend job), going to an Ed Banger party (should be interesting to see how an American crowd react to their crazy shin digs) and have been told by my Mother to go and see a Broadway musical. I’m going to plum for Hairspray I think. Would be incredibly rude not to yeah?

xXx

Holestar on Blitz Kids website and AXM magazine

2007-02-03T01:33:00.000Z

EEEEEEP!!!
I'm listed as a New Freak in the Divas section. Can certainly live with that!
(To be honest, am pretty chuffed to be asked to be on this. Some amazing and talented people from the club scene over the years on it. Very humbling).

February Updates

Straight to Holestar page

Also in Februarys edition of British Gay mag AXM on page 25-me posing like a loon and a little interview i.e. me waffling about wanking and shit. Don't have a scanner so can't stick it up.

I'm also in the New York Club/Fashion magazine Gazelleland Nude issue which is coming soon (I'm not "nude", though there's quite a bit of flesh on display).

Cor, you'd think I courted attention eh?

xXx

Video of Moi and Suppositori Spelling at Trannyshack UK

2007-02-01T14:37:00.000Z

The fabulous Suppositori Spelling (straight off the plane from San Francisco bless) and I performed Prince and Shena Easton's - U Got The Look for Lady Lloyds 21st Birthday (I feel rancid today, fuck knows how Lloyd is feeling!!)

Only second time doing lip synching and first time on stage as a fella (though I looked more like George Michael or Elvis than Prince). I have dressed up as a fella before though for a little video that I did a while ago….
All shall be revealed in time. Patience my precious.

xXx

Ambush, Shilpa Shetty, Fannyshack and Love It!!

2007-01-28T18:23:00.000Z

Blimey!
Have managed to bag myself a few gigs in one day.
Going back to Vienna for the opening of a new gay night with Boy George, 1 in New York (a second looking probable) and booked for my first solo revue show in London.

I’m not going to go into it here what I’m doing for my revue as I have recently read on the internet that someone is doing a show based on an idea I had but never got off the ground. Will have to learn to keep my big mouth shut eh? Basically it will be a little different to what you’re used to, turning things up a notch.
All in all, things looking good!

Went to Nottingham last Thursday for a bit of a jolly. Some of the boys from GYBO (music mong board I frequent, though we don‘t talk much about music anymore. Just waffle about what we had for breakfast and pop culture) were DJing for Ambush at The Social.
My Baby Josh Console (I love this boy), Stinkin Rich, Mike and Johnny from Cartel Communique, Andy Dunproofin & Richie Culturedeluxe (who came down from Aberdeen and are the guys behind my Trannyshack track, Two Magdalene Fuckers as E-Jitz), Oli & Chris from Birmingham, LV15 and myself went down/up for a knees up.

Cartel played their usual set (which is not a good thing nor a bad thing) Josh was super but by the end I was hankering for some cheese. Shame Dunproofin’s set was cut short as he was cooking up a rather damn fine storm.

After being kicked out and recording (VIDEO REMOVED) of Rich and Josh we popped back to our host Matt’s house for a bit before going to another party. Though I wouldn’t call students watching cricket while old rave stuff (which perked me up no end) was being played in the kitchen on a dinky stereo can be described as a party.
Very fun and silly night.

Pictures here. They aren't kind.

Shouldn’t have gone out last night as I let something get to me that was really nothing. Even more annoying was having to walk home from Liverpool Street as there were no buses as the whole area had been shut down.
On the flip side, I popped into Melange on the way to see if anyone had handed in my Venetian mask on the off chance after I lost it there DJing last week. And yes!! I’ve got it back. Huzzah!

My flat mate (the nice fun one, not the bitch loony one) has just moved out. Just as I was getting used to and enjoying her company she has got herself her own flat. I won’t miss her continually asking “what’s happening?” during films and screaming down the phone in Spanish but she is a really sweet and talented girl and I’ll miss her being around.
She’s a very good artist and have encouraged her to get a web site or myspace sorted. Watch out for the name Angela Jack. She’s very good.

Next week are two photos shoots for the Trannyshack UK Greatest Tits Album launch which should be a giggle and a show at the ‘Shack for Lady Lloyds Birthday Bonanza that I'm doing with the amazing Suppositori Spelling.
We’ve been meaning to work together for a while but have finally got something sussed.

Oh and I’ve also been asked to appear in trashy housewife’s favourite ‘Love It’ magazine in my Domina guise. I said no to Trisha but this could be bloody hilarious!!

And there will be pics and a profile of me up on the Blitz Kidz web site soon. Woo! One extreme to the other eh?!!

Celebrity Big Brother finally finishes tonight and this one has given me a lot of fuel for my Masters thesis. If you are British, it would have been hard not to be aware of the public outcry it has provoked around the racism issue. Personally I was more concerned about the bullying of Shilpa Shetty but in a way the media woo haa has highlighted the ignorance and the passive aggressive racism of many in this country. If it points out to people that it is not cool to say such things, then surely it in a roundabout way is a good thing.

I’d like to think that this show will kill off the careers of Jade Goody, Danielle Lloyd and Jo O'Meara (and numerous paint by numbers wannbee celebrity for celebrity sake types) but I’ve a horrible feeling that it will generate more sales of trash mags once the fire has died down.
Kate Moss has done well out of media scandal and is now worth twice as much as she was before the whole cocaine debacle. This is a different issue but only time will tell.

To win? I would like Jermaine Jackson to win but think Shilpa deserves to. She stood her ground with dignity, grace and class while the three cackling wenches bullied her and that deserves a prize of some kind.

xXx

New York...

2007-01-22T11:38:00.000Z

Was supposed to go with my old college for an touring art exhibition to NYC but there was a bit of a broohaha with the booking so I'm making my own way there.
Yep-booked my tickets and will be there from 27 March to 4 April.

Last night, Bastard at 93 Feet East was rammed. Got there quite late but saw La Phaze who were very good and Loo and Placido knocked out an excellent set. I usually get irritated if I hear a whole set of bootlegs but was really great stuff. The French boys pwned big time.

Then onto the All You Can Eat Slumber Party to play some tunes at Melange. It's an ace venue, the basement is grubby, grungy, dark and sweaty-prefer that kind of place to shinny clubs.
The amp went down while I was going back to back with Jim Warboy but once it was up, people danced and hollered so think it went pretty well. My mission is to always get the buggers dancing so mission accomplished :-)

Played a new bootleg I knocked up for my good buddy Tom for helping me out when my bag was stolen last Sunday;

Daft Punk - Crescendolls vs. Indeep - Last Night a DJ Saved My Life and a little bit of Ru Paul-Supermodel.

I wanted to glitch up the vocals but I have no idea how to but it still went down pretty well.
Have decided to put up a few of the boots I've made on Multiply
Clicky here should you want to hear the carnage for yourselves. Simple A over Bs as my production skills are nil. Can hear things in my head being amazing but I haven't got the patience to learn the skills.

Was a really good night in all except Tom got his phone nicked, someone went through my bag and chucked my clothes around the area behind the DJ box and my Venetian mask thing went missing (but the later might have had something to do with me being quite stoned).
Unbelievable, I have my bag nicked and Tom's phone goes walkies within a week. We're cursed!

Said it before kids but the bastards are everywhere - keep check of yer bits.

xXx

Thieving cunty bastards

2007-01-15T16:33:00.000Z

Went out last night to Bloggers Delight and had a jolly time until some thieving twat stole my bag in The Elephant's Head (it's a pub on Camden High Street, not a euphemism).

Bag was right next to me on a bench and they managed to get it within 5 minutes of me opening it and going it to check again. Clever sods. And I'm usually pretty vigilant with these kinds of things.

New Carhartt wallet, all my cards, only about £8 in cash though, keys (with my cherished acid smiley key ring, over 15 years old) , 3 week old phone, brand spanking new leather gloves, makeup etc etc….

Have only just managed to get back into my flat. Braving Victoria station this morning wasn't pleasant I can tell you (though a nice man gave me a free Innocent Smoothie which was nice).

Orange want £100 to replace my phone which they can swing for so will have to make do with a shitty old one-ho hum.
I've lost a whole heap of numbers from some of you good folk on here so if you could send them to me, that would be grand.

What load of old knob rot 2007 is turning out to be so far.

Keep your eyes on your things kids-the fuckers are everywhere.

xXx

New Year, New Celeb Big Brother...

2007-01-04T16:32:00.000Z

Happy New Year! Birthday really was ace except for my flat mate trying to dry hump my two current best boy pals Rich and Tom at the after party and constantly turning the music on full whack at 9 in the morning when everyone was trying to have a little doze.

Really surprised how well it all went. Not everyone who said they’d come did (quelle surprise) but if they had, there wouldn’t have been any room anyway because the place was packed out and jumping most of the night. Pure messy.

NYE was also a surprise. Had no intention of doing anything but ended up in South London on a bit of a mission, watching the stunning fireworks from behind the London Eye (police had blocked everything off), drifting around in a stoned stupor before more beer and retiring back to mine for silliness which turned sour due to paranoia and…I dunno.
Some people should not be allowed anywhere near drugs. All drugs.

First client of the New Year paid me a small fortune to simply kiss and smell my wrists and hands and slap him about a bit (good work if you can get it).
He was actually quite sexy and felt like doing more but I’m a professional and don’t do any rude things with clients. They don’t see any pink bits of mine and I don’t wank them off (though they can do it themselves).
For me, it’s more about the aspect of play, control and mind fuck and only take on slaves who understand that. My private sex life is my own and seperate (and suprisingly 'normal').

Did a wee turn at Trannyshack last night. Ritzy got her dinkle out (love your shows Ritz but learn the damn words!!!) Glendora did a very unPC show and I laughed my arse off.
Was quite quiet, it being the first week of the New Year and that but was quite a giggle.

So here we go. New Year, Celeb Big Brother.

I say I watch these shows as part of my Masters research (celebrity and reality culture innit) which is partly true but its hard not to get sucked into the vacuous hole that is Big Brother.

Celeb version is more interesting as you kinda know some of these people (well…) and already have some kind of preconceived opinion of them, be it their talent or projected media persona. Putting them in a house with other egomaniacs desperate to retain or increase their ‘celebrity’ status, making them do ridiculous tasks while dressing up in outfits that wouldn’t seem out of place in Shoreditch is heightened and more comical due to their familiarity.

This year is a another line-up of virtual nobodies but an interesting mix non the less.
Here are my rather cynical first impressions of this years wannabees/contenders;

Cleo Rocos - her who did stuff with Kenny Everett (RIP)
I love her. Glamorous, well mannered and fabulous. There should be more women like this in the world. I so tire of the bitchy diva persona that older women in showbiz seem to
project. Ideal older woman in fact.

Shilpa Shetty - Bollywood lady
Very pretty but will be a revelation to see her without the 6 kilos of makeup she had on her face upon going in and will be a wreak in a week without her ‘entourage’.

Leo Sayer - Curly haired disco eternally young boy (much like Sir Clifford of Richard)
Should be amusing if a little annoying. Please no more funky house remixes. Will probably re-release Best of… after leaving.

Donny Tourette - Towers of London
Oh fuck off. Yeah real hardcore you are. Banging Peaches Geldof (snooze) and you know Leo Sayer. Ha!!! I’ve got more punk in the folds of my ring piece you posh little twat.

Carole Malone - Bitch from The Mirror
Her style of journalism is simply vile. I get her hatred for vacuous WAG culture but she seems to hate anyone with a fanny. Perfect example of past it older woman resenting younger prettier girls doing what they have with what they’ve got.

Ken Russel - British Film Director
Has made some classic films (see IMDB) and should be quite interesting.

Jermaine Jackson - Former Jackson 5 member.
Why he has decided to do this is anyone’s guess. Will probably walk after a few days after having enough of everyone asking him about his more famous brother.

Ian ‘H’ Watkins - The annoying one from Steps
Poor H. You’ll always be that twat from Steps. Gay you say? No shit.

Danielle Lloyd - Former Miss Britain bird
Famous for shagging Teddy Sheringham. The contract for your post BB experience bikini shoot for loaded, Nuts and FHM are in the post love. The OK mag deal with you and Teddy is still being drawn up.

Dirk Benedict - Face in A-Team
Hilarious entrance in a mock A-Team van. Should be inappropriate. Hope so.

Jo O'Meara - Only one with a decent voice in S-Club.
Shame she’s a bit dull (but so is Rachel Stevens and she’s done alright. All in the production though innit)
I predict a rejected Westlife ballad that goes in the latter end of the top ten off the back of BB before retiring from music to breed her dogs or appear in the Boney M musical replacing Michelle Collins

My money is on Jo winning. Non extreme, no offensive, MOR kind of characters often do.
I’m not putting any actual money on it but I know a man who has…

30th Birthday bonanza

2006-12-31T00:49:00.000Z

Mine and Stink Rich’s Birthday was an absolute blast!!

Pirate Soundsystem, Tom Oke, Jools MF and Baby Clyde all rocked out big time and played fantastic sets-big thanks to them!

Cheers to everyone who came and made it such an ace and stress free night.

Being a Christmas baby sucks ass and was a bit dubious about having a party but all went very well.
Last people left my house at 2pm this afternoon. Ouch!

Click on the birthday gal and boy for the rather messy pictures

I need to go and lie down in a dark room for a few days……

xXx

OH MI GAWD ELEVENTYONE!1!!!11!!

2006-12-20T22:45:00.000Z

Never won a thing in my days but on last Saturdays (16 Dec) Horse Meat Disco's Vogue Ball - ‘Vauxhall Is Gurning’ I won the John Waters homage category!! Eeeep!

(The Ball is based on the film Paris is Burning where various ‘Houses’ walk down the runway and do their thing in different categories. Madonna pinched Voguing from it.)

I did Divine in Pink Flamingos (though would have liked to have done Connie Marble but couldn’t find a green suit) and referenced certain parts of the film. Kind of obvious really but I love Mr Glen Milstead and have never done a Divine look on purpose before.

After walking down the stairs and slipping over which turned it into a bit of a crawl (well you have to make the most of these situations) I then pulled out some meat (which was actually a cows luing-eww) from my knickers and threw it out to the crowd (“I warmed it up today, in my own little oven“), then chucked an egg on to the stage (“So many little eggies, and I'm still starving“) and finally the last scene from the film, brought out a toy dog which had its arse filled with Nutella and proceeded to eat its ‘poop’.
I was running around backstage so missed the whole 'egg on stage must be cleared up as it's an obstruction' palaver. My apologies to those who had to clear it up but I am an artist. Ha!

No trip to Hawaii or toaster as a prize but have got myself a nice little trophy which I’m rather chuffed about.

My photos are here though I didn’t take many. There were some great looks on show. Some shockers too.
Also pics from Fridays Xxxmas Bump which was good clean fun. (Above photo by Mathew Brindle)

Went and saw the fabulous and beautiful genius that is Patrick Wolf last night with my very good mate Rich in Union Chapel in Islington. Simply sublime.
He’s a very lovely and sweet guy and so talented it makes me want to vomit!!! First time I met him, we sat on a wall while I screamed “I’m a casserole” at people going past. Well that’s what he told me after. I was in a bit of a state…

It’s a shame he doesn’t get more mainstream exposure as he’s far better than most of a lot of singer writer dwaddle out there. He writes songs to fall in love to and will break your heart.

For some reason, Rich and I ended up at Don’t Call Me Babe at Ghetto to say hello to Dusty and Lloyd who were doing the grotto. Screaming Meatloaf and Cher’s ‘Dead ringer for love’ at each other was quite hilarious!
Typical, I take a straight man to a gay club and he cops off with a very hot young lady-sheesh!!

I’m doing a turn at Fannyshack’s Christmas do tomorrow. Did have a very funny and silly piece arranged but the person who was going to do it with me can’t so looks like I’ll be doing Two Magdalene Fuckers to plug the new Trannyshack album (Greatest Tits Part 1) instead.

Ryan Styles is also on the bill (god that boy is fantastic) and the Trannyshack girls will be doing a live version of Tranny Christmas which has one of the best final line of any song “Shag a Tranny, Up the arse cos she’s got no fanny”.

Well not if you’re a Tranny with a Fanny like me but that’s a whole different kettle of cuttlefish.

See the video here

And finally, Christmas is descending upon us again and another birthday for me a mere three days after.
I will be (cough) 30.

It’s no big deal but reaching the end of my 30s is like an end of innocence and youth. It does not mean I’ll be starting to think about settling down and wearing sensible clothes, fuck no. I’ll leave that to the breeders thanks.
I’ve done quite a lot with my short time on this planet and have a lot more to do. Oh yes yes oh yey.

Tourist in London

2006-12-10T23:03:00.000Z

I’ve been quiet lately, have been ill and all sorts.
Have had a cold up and down for ages and wasn’t recovering properly in-between and ended up collapsing and in hospital with a nasty throat infection. Very nasty-felt bloody awful.
Went to the ‘rents for a bit to recuperate which took a lot longer than I thought but finally back on track.

Door whored at a party last week (the Status Quo tribute had the best band name in the world ever; “Quo-Caine”. Genius) and have DJed a few times recently which has been quite good. Finally getting some decks soon (albeit CD ones-can’t really afford vinyl these days and it’s a bitch to carry around) to get good as my mixing skills have a lot to be desired.

This weekend was hard work. Had my Mother in London for the past three days and as much as I love her, glad she’s gone back home.

Stayed at a nice hotel in Canary Warf-she had some Tesco vouchers or something. (My goodness that area has such a weird atmosphere)
Did the Big Wheel Eye thing (Nice clear day so could see for miles)
Bus Tour (Really not worth the money)
River Cruise (the guide slagged off the Tate and modern art in general. When they he held out a box at the end lamely asking for tips he got nowt from me. Silly man)
Popped in the National Portrait Gallery and the Tate Modern
Tower of London (Cool. Made me feel a little proud to be British. We‘ve some cracking history that I know frig all about. Crown Jewels not that impressive though. Needs more sparkle)
Mum is a bit musical mad and wanted to see Wicked or Sound of Music but couldn’t get tickets so saw The Producers (pretty good) and Chicago (better for different reasons. Though the girl playing Velma wasn’t very ‘sexy’ and to me Velma should be all sass and sex).

Ace to be a tourist in the place you live-you temporarily see it differently although it’s all familiar.
I'd thoroughly recommend it.

The Trannyshack album should be out soon (directed and concepted the video myself, not seen the final cut yet) and I am going to be (cough) 30 on December 28th.

Have never been bothered about it until the last few months, especially as I have mates who are in their early twenties.
There seems to come some kind of adult grown up thing that comes with turning 30, as if your childish and days of being a carefree should be over and people view you in a different way.

Balls.

I have no dependents, no steady partner, no savings, no security, nowhere to call home and no intention of growing up soon.
Age ain’t nothing but a number.

I might be dressing as a lady my birthday (having a joint party with my good buddy Stinkin Rich who is a mere two days younger than me which has been a bit of a head fuck to organise) but it’s not a sign that I’ll be starting to think about buying property or wearing sensible clothes.
Naaaaah. I’ll leave that to the breaders.

(More recent photos)

Turkey, St Martinis and Performance (daaaahlink)

2006-10-19T23:54:00.000+01:00

Uh huh kitty cats-me again (and a long one it is too!)

Turkey-what a jaunt that was. Flew over quite late and arrived at the resort about 6 in the morning. Club Med just outside Bodrum. Had my own room which was next door to Guy Monkhouse and spent most of the holiday knocking around with him.
Next day was spent by the pool and drinking pina coladas before the show and getting stuck into the free bar. Great food-just a ridiculous amount and a different theme for dinner every night.

Carl from the company asked me if I was ready for my show the Tuesday which I wasn’t prepared and had no idea I was supposed to be doing (apparently an Israeli lady who has done Eurovision cancelled so I was filling in).
Luckily had an emergency CD with me so did a few of my more popish numbers. Seemed to go ok.
(Poor Baylen!)
Before the show I was prepping my wig in the dressing room surrounded by male porn stars fluffing/wanking themselves for their show which was after mine which was frankly a bit of a farce (“ooh look we have willies“. And that was pretty much it).

Had cabin fever by Wednesday so had to get out of the resort so took a trip into town on my own for a gander. Very touristy - a bit like an upmarket Turkish Blackpool. Lots of shops selling the same tat but quite enjoyed it. Back to the resort and finally someone found out where all the drugs were-things kind of went a bit silly.
I went to Turkey with an ear infection and then got a stinking cold so didn’t drink much of the free booze (ridiculous-apparently we drank more booze in 5 days with a third of the resort full than a full resort drinks in six weeks. Don’t give the gays a free bar!!)

Had intended going snorkelling and a bit of archery but felt like poo so spent a lot of the time by the pool or swimming in the sea on the resorts private beach.

Did drag again with the DJs who were there (Wayne G, Stewart Who, Daz Saund, Diddy, Paul Heron, Mikey D, David Cross, Max Moser, Cliff from QX and Megan from Orange. Did Paul's makeup which I think looks quite dashing.
Lovie (friend of Rod from Crash/Area) put on an ace show and entertained everyone while we all trundled down to the beach and put our feet in the sea at stupid o’clock in the morning.

Each night was a different club night(Crash, Anthem, Megawoof, White Party) and I don’t mind pumping house (though I prefer my electro) but by the end of the week I was desperate for some pop trash and begged for some Girls Aloud.

Last day there was a trip on a boat which was a good laugh. Disco onboard and everyone boozing. We pulled into a little bay and everyone jumped off like lemmings. My baps popped out when I jumped off (luckily nobody saw that.) Felt quite hedonistic, like we were rich Europeans, boozing and waving at all the other boats. (Thats me in the middle of the water.)

Final night was spent sat around the pool once the party had finished with some of the porn stars and an old Italian queen (who had an outfit for every single occasion who I called Queenie) he had all the K and we danced around to Don from the Pirate Soundsystems Pirate mix on my phone. Fabulous.

Going home was a bit depressing (as always). Didn’t get a tan, didn’t go on any of the excursions (they were quite expensive) and didn’t get laid (was one of only three lady lady lovers in the resort).
One of the porn boys (Dairylee) shagged all the fag hags-even offered me a night of passion if I fancied not being queer for the night. Politely declined.
Face like a welders bench and went around boasting that he never used rubbers. The boy is probably riddled.

Met some amazing people (hope to keep in contact with some of them) and had a fantastic time. Received no money for it but was worth it for a free inclusive holiday. I hope to be doing it again next year and I really can’t recommend it enough. Even some of the straight boys said they’d had a great time and would go on a gay holiday again. www.alternative-holidays.com

Started the Fine Art Masters at St Martins upon returning. There was a lengthy debate about the Cerith Wyn Evans show at the ICA which I thought was a fairly large pretentious pile of poop.
If you hadn’t read the accompanying text then the whole thing didn’t really make much sense (a lot of people walked into the main room and simply waked out again not knowing that the ‘art’ was the fact he had removed the bricks separating the gallery from the outside wall so that you could see The Mall) The blinds opening and closing in morse was the only thing that I found interesting.

There is certainly a place for such work but I’m fed up of pretension and elitist snobbery in art in that you have to understand it to appreciate it.
I’m all for bringing pop back to art that is accessible to all and that anyone from any background, education or culture can value on some level.

Did my performance art piece ‘Unbearabollocks’ at Studio Neon in Shoreditch (which is an utter contradiction of what I've just said above!)

Me in drag, slave with a dog collar and chain. Placed him on the floor and proceeded to put clothes pegs on his bollocks to a soundtrack of some of the worse novelty songs in the western world (Birdy Song, Agadoo, Achy Breaky Heart, Saturday Night, Chirpy chirpy cheap cheap, Cheeky Girls (which I secretly quite like-its fucking hilarious). Whipped and threw the pegs off into the crowd, wrote ‘Holestar woz ere’ on his chest in lipstick and made him dance around for me. Bow. (Still waiting on the pics).

The idea was an aural and visual humorous amalgamation of annoyance and displeasure. What is harder to deal with? What you are hearing or seeing? People were crossing and uncrossing their legs and moaning as each new track came on so my mission was fulfilled. Some people got the joke-some didn’t. I enjoyed it.

Met the amazingly creative and talented Jonny Woo there. We got chatting and he invited me to join him onstage for Nude at Ministry of Sound.

Sunday went to Bloggers Delight at the Lock Tavern in Camden to see my Pirate boys spin. South Central were particularly impressive (tore up SebastiAns ‘Walkman’) as was Sinden until he went all RnB slow jamish
Met Duke Dumont (one to watch fo sho, great DJ and producer) and his mate Gem and we discussed trustafarian (Nathan) Barleys who roam Hoxton.

Rich, Tom and I had a sneaky spliff and went for a hilarious drink in a rockabilly pub which was quite surreal with Rich ranting on about JayZ and all sorts.

Was invited by Guy to the Candy Bars 10th anniversary party which was a good laugh and drank way too many free cocktails. Some proper munters in there. I still find it bemusing that a lot of dykes hang out in packs. Went to Shadow Lounge after and met the lovely Minty and sang songs from Cabaret with Aubrey.

Met a lady I met on the internet (desperate times call for desperate measures) who seems to be ok with the whole Dominatrix/Drag thing. Had an odd stalker guy who kept trying to talk to me the whole time we were in the pub until I politely told him to fuck off.
Could be dangerous as she’s the slightly blonde version of me. We’ll see how it goes.

Saw my specialist (for the dreaded Hyper Mobility Syndrome). Didn’t tell me anything new but will recommend me to see some other specialist and physio to help with the pain.

Went to a casting (in my fabulous sequined ‘make friend with everyone’ jacket) in Kentish Town for an extras and small parts in TV and films company. Not expecting much but could be interesting research for the Masters to see how things are run from behind the scenes.

Did a photo shoot with the lovely Paul Morgan for club kidz magazine Gazelland in New York. They wanted me naked but was having none of it (wouldn’t want to subject anyone to that) so got away with big makeup, huge new wig I knocked up and a shoulder length glove covering my baps shot from the waist up.
Great shots and I hope I don’t end up looking like a huge heffer in it.

Finished late and went to my new lady friends place for dinner and Mighty Boosh.

That night was the Nude shows. Arrived at 11 but the first show wasn’t on until 2 so spent a long time backstage in a hot room with very little booze. Met the wonderful Empress Stah and in the show was me, Jonny, Ryan Styles, Booby Tuesday, Chicken, Xtina and Jody Harsh (plus two dancers whose names escape me).

First show was Stepford Wives. Jonny went on in a Gorilla outfit, girl came on and poured a line of washing powder onstage, I came on and hovered it up with a fully functioning Henry hoover. Jody sprayed hairspray and we all pretended to be high and shimmied around.

Second show was Hospital Drama. Ryan in a wheelchair, Jonny wrapped up in sequins, boy dancer had heart attack at sight of Jodie, I ran on as a nurse and resuscitated. Booby and I did a faux lesbos thing, girl had baby onstage which we kicked around after. Ryan pulled out his hair while I douched the crowd.

Third show I wasn’t part of (didn’t have anything in white) but watched from the balcony. Jodie came out and had a snooze. Xtina, Jonny and Ryan came on and had a pillow fight which looked absolutely stunning and peaked at the right time with the music.

Finale was a catwalk show with Jonny MCing us all as we came on. Terry Hart stood at the side and we all had a snort of poppers before going on. I wore my strap on but it kept falling off so just danced around the pole with Booby a bit.

Knackering but really really enjoyed myself and very happy to work with such talented people.

My younger and only sister is got married in Mauritius on Tuesday. I’m obviously not there as I can’t afford a couple of grand to go and not my ideal kind of holiday. Prefer a bit of an adventure.
We’ve never really got on and she looks down on me and what I do as I’ve always led shall we say an alternative lifestyle. One Christmas at the parents place, I was trying to chit chat and shoot the shit with her. When I asked her why she was ignoring me she replied with “I don’t speak to people I don’t like”. Charming eh?
Regardless of our differences, I do wish her all the best for the future. Hope they start breeding soon as I want to be an Auntie. Don’t want any of the little fuckers myself (I have put an ASBO on my womb) but really want to be an eccentric Aunt who can hand them back when I’ve had enough.

Did my first lip synch show ever at the Trannyshack first birthday do at Too2Much last night to The Gossip-Standing in the way of control (Soulwax Edit) with a blow up doll, a butt plug, tampon and some anal bead things. Seemed to go down ok.

Coming up - shooting my video for ‘Two Magdalene Fuckers’ and another Oxjam at 93 Feet East.
Shame I’m getting no dollar dollar bills for any of this but its good to be busy and doing what I love.

Next week I’m DJing at Club Myra at Trash Palace which should be a larf (first time since Vienna) and hopefully at Kashpoint Express in the next few weeks too.

It’s all go baby go go.

xXx

Slightly disturbing

2006-09-24T04:43:00.000+01:00

Just leaned out my window to have a sneaky fag and saw four kids outside my house, the eldest probably 12, youngest 8 passing a screwdriver and a huge blade between each other.
I thought that kind of thing was invented by the Daily (Cunty) Mail to scare middle class suburbanites.
I blame terrestrial TV for exchanging Saturday morning TV with wank arsed cook shows with hob goblins like Anthony Worrall Thompson.

All You Can Eat at Electrowerkz with the Pirate Soundsystem was good fun but the room we were in had a pretty crapy sound system.
Friday me and the scampy Pirate boys and I did a slot at Kashpoints new residency at The Eve Club (nice venue, expensive booze) which was major fun! We had a pretty filled dance floor throughout while I ran around singing/screaming for people to get their tits out and such like.
Probably best Kashpoint I’ve been to. Some snooty fuckers (I’ve never quite got that ‘I‘ve took ages creating my look so I‘m going to act like a rude cunt’ attitude) but generally a great atmosphere and the kids were having it large.

Just got in from Bastard at 93 Feet East which was a pleasure as always. Went to Ted’s birthday shin dig before, was nice to catch up with guys from my old college. Especially Arthur (fucking loon!) and my boy Paul (it’s been too long Plews as well you know!!)

Off to Turkey tomorrow for the big gay fest. Should be a right hootenanny. Will do my best to try and track down any females in the resort and see if I can get my wicked way with them. Yeah-like that’s going to happen (insert rolly eye smiley).

A few people have mentioned in caution the recent bombings in Istanbul but I’m probably more likely to be bombed here in London. Not going to live in fear and all that.

If there is something on the news about Club Med in Bodrum tell Vienna it meant nothing to me (see Midge Ure), my Mum to give my videos from her attic to The Cats Protection Legue and that I want Bizarre Inc-Playing with Knives (Quadrant Mix) played at my funeral and to those that I love “Je Ne Regrette Rien”.

Hosça kalin

Patterned tights...

2006-09-20T18:48:00.000+01:00

are just wrong. Unless they're fishnets.

I love being a Dominatrix. It really is a lot of fun (would be more so if I didn’t have to deal with the time wasters). Everyone in my life knows what I do and it’s not something that I have become jaded with. Yet.

Saw a lovely old chap today where I dressed him as a school girl and beat him with a plimsoll. Sweet.

I often get sent requests from slaves who want to be my house boy. I don’t want them in my vanilla life and prefer to keep that world separate.
Here’s a rather amusing one from a young Turkish boy.
I’m going there next week so should hunt him down. Yes thats going to happen.

I, 25, years old, nice, one, young, male, slave, I am sitting down turkey I,
machine, technician work, Your, *Web, page, visit, and, me, a lot of,
influence, All, life, your, slave, toilet, and, prostitute, Become, only,
for_you, work, spend, want, For this , what must I do?I am serious in this
subject I do for you in the prostitution Young, and, beautifull, I will in
the joint send my picture I accept your all rules Beg, me, all, one, life,
Slave, dog, toilet, become, honour, present

Not a bad arse for a Tranny but he could have taken the labels off the soles. Fsss

Love London

2006-09-18T01:53:00.000+01:00

Ooh fuck me silly. I get all excited about blogging then dry up again. Lazy fucker that I am. Ok, here’s a run down on what I’ve been up to of late. Because its all about me of course.

Pirate went well up to a point until lots of things went wrong within 10 Minutes. Few dramas we could have done without but had a good booze and boogie after. There will be another one soon. Its going to be huge!!!

Following night went to TDK at Kings Cross which was rather disappointing considering how much cash I spent. Spankrock and Ladytron were good but suffered due to a shit sound system. Atrack great but Simian Mobile Disco tore it up for me-aces. The funky house terrace reminded me how much I hate that genre now and the kind of people it attracts. Vacuous dull folk who are more concerned about looking good and being cool than having a good time. Cack.

Did a number at Trannyshock which is always fun. Happy that the girls there have seemed to accept me and what I do (well the talented lovely ones have. The talent free munters hate me but I don’t give a crap.)
Glendora and I were saying that I’m the ‘Tranny with a Fanny’. Quite like that one.

Hosted Tate Moss in a warehouse near Stratford which was bonkers in a good way. Impressed with Rowdy Superstar, Kat Scratch and Jo Apps. The fabulous and wonderful Patrick Wolf span Black Lace and Whigfield and got me in a right old state. Apparently I was sat on the wall outside screaming that I was a casserole to everyone walking past?! Looking forward top to the next one.

Ended up on the judging panel for Popjustice Pop Tune of the Year at Trash Palace. Unfortunately Hot Chip- Over and Over was being knocked out as I arrived (my fault for being late). Girls Aloud-Biology won in the end (rightly so). Went to Ghetto with Rich and Tom afterwards where we boogied and drank way too much.

Popped to Studio Neon the next day which was fun but way too hot in there. Next day went to see the parents in Hereford. I wanted to do things instead of just sitting in front of the TV so we went fishing (caught nothing but quite enjoyed it-how butch), lunch in Symonds Yat (or Simons Yacht as I like to call it) a walk I the woods (well a roll for my Dad who is wheelchair bound) and a sauna and swim with my Mum. Really enjoyed it despite getting a cold. Always happens when I go to the olds.

Back to London and I went to a fashion party thing at Chinawhites. Clientele largely rich trust fund kids with no style or manners. Was ok but the coked DJ was playing the dreaded funky house so we moved onto Trannyshack. I said to virtually everyone I passed ‘Eeerr you, I’m bringing sexy back’ in a deep Lancashire accent. Where all this eccentricity and bollocks comes from I have no idea.

Fabric on Friday was excellent. Went early to see Duke Dumont (top stuff, one to watch and all that) and danced my arse off a bit too much so early so did my back in a bit. Alan Braxe was ok until he played Stardust and fading down for the chorus. Mmm.
Caught back end of Diplo’s set which was good but it seemed plain wrong to have him in the small room instead of one of the larger ones.
Justice were the highlight of the night and as Rich rightly said ‘Ridiculous‘. Each track getting better and better and they played my favourite tune of the year so far, the Soulwax mix of Robbie Williams - Lovelight (Ravelight Dub). So. So. Good. Need a clean copy.

After little sleep, went to It Came From the Sea at Bardins Boudoir which was ok but its so humid in there with no ventilation and a sucky sound system. Tom, Rich and I were still feeling rough from the previous night but I still ended going back to Jools’ place where there was a party. Had a bit of a mix on the decks, chatted in the kitchen and finally got home about 9. Twat.

Got a pretty busy week coming. Have a few ‘jobs’, having my barnet seen to (they can do what they want to it. I’m going to shave it all off when I loose weight. I said when), enrolling at St Martins for my Fine Art Masters (Fine Art), photo shoot for the cover of New York magazine Gazelland and MC with the Pirate Soundsystem at All You Can Eat and Kashpoint again with the boys on Friday.
Bastard on Saturday and then flying to Bodrum in Turkey for Mistress of Ceremonies action at a gay holiday event (Alternative Holidays). Get a weeks all inclusive holiday so should be fun.

Oooh its all go!!
So glad I moved here.

Audio treats I’m loving at the moment

Robbie Williams - Lovelight (Soulwax Ravelight Dub)
Peaches - Downtown (Simian Mobile Disco Mix)
Sebastian - Ross Ross Ross
Daft Punk - Brainwasher (Erol Alkans Horrorhouse Dub)
Infadels - Love Like Semtex
Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Ooh
Peter Bjorn and John - Young Folk (Beyond the Wizards Sleeve Mix)
Sidney Looper - Rotting Radio Jamz

The Locksmith

2006-09-02T02:31:00.000+01:00

I love being a dominatrix. You get to peer behind the bravado and machismo of the male ego at it’s most vulnerable.

I get many an odd email from prospective slaves/time wasters who can’t distinguish between reality and fantasy. Most are the usual ‘I want to grovel at your feet/lick your shoes/please beat me within an inch of my life with no mercy’ type.

This one has really made me smile

Thought you might like to know that I am a locksmith and offer UPVC door and window repair as well as a glazing service. If you ever fancy getting work done and not paying because the man doing it is a worm who lusts after you - then give me a call.

I would post the web address included but I don’t want people emailing and mocking the poor dear.
Shame he lives so far away. Never know when I might get locked out.

Why Don't You Just Switch Off Your Television Set And Go Out And Do Something Less Boring Instead

2006-09-01T15:32:00.000+01:00

Children’s TV presenters are commonly known to have an over enthusiastic, keen, bright manner to keep the kids interested and sedated between shows.

Having not watched kids TV for a while, flicked it on to see what the yoof are watching (between knifing grannies, eating crisps and scowling) and was greeted by the most annoying sight and sound I’ve ever seen in kids presenter.

Anne Foy

She makes Timmy Mallet appear positively sombre.

I find myself hitting mute whence comes on, same with Kate “I find it really difficult to speak at a normal volume so will shout all the time just in case you can’t hear me at the back” Thornton.

Anne may be a very nice person (though I have a sneaky suspicion she annoyingly bounces around in that shrill hyper active manner all the time) but her presenting skills physically make me feel nauseous.
Most kids presenters eventually mature into light entertainment (Phillip Schofield, Lenny Henry, Cat Deeley, Andi ‘I fucked up the format of TOTP’ Peters etc etc) but I can’t currently see a future for this girl on prime time, hosting a reality show. I see her future in late night call in quiz shows on satellite.

Another thought of the day.

Karl Howman. He of Brush Strokes fame has done very little in acting since the glory days of the early nighties. ( imdb)
Now he lives for Flash adverts. Now I can understand the company wanting to use a character that the public were familiar with (his cheeky Jacko character in Brush Strokes) but it’s over 15 years since the show was last aired. I guess nobody has noticed.

Google said someone else has. Guardian article

Oh, and whoever invented Scrappy Doo (Scooby Doo's nephew) is a cunt.

I really should get out more.

Cocks, Singapore and Pirates

2006-08-24T20:47:00.000+01:00

In the past two weeks I have;

Been on a casting for an ad shot by Rankin (didn’t get it, All the models were so twiggy it made Nicole Richie look like a porker.)

Been asked to do a cover of Joy Divisions ’Love will tear us apart’ in the style of Infernal’s ’From Paris to Berlin’. (Knowing that any shred of credibility I have will be shot to shit if I do this, I’ve decided not to.)

Recorded my track (E-Jitz - Two Magdelane Fuckers) for the Trannyshack album.

Attended a slave party and beat my previous record of putting 47 clothes pegs on a mans balls. I can now do 60 and probably more.

Smoked some hippy solids from a strange little pipe, danced to Huey Lewis and the News in a garage and seen the ghost of John Peel.

Been offered a three or six month contract to perform in Singapore at some swanky hotel. (Might do it for a month but any more would probably drive me crazy. I don't dig routine)

PRed my bum off for Pirate:All Hands on Decks which has now become Pirate: Surrender the Booty (don’t ask, just get down! It’s free and going to rawk!)

And been asked to cut a man’s willy off by a bloke from Switzerland

Hello Miss
Can you cut my penis with a knife till it will bleed so correctly (or castrate )?? I would travel and pay or work for you a longer time for that if you can do it that for me please, i hope to hear from you soon thanks !!
Greeting B*****

I'm thinking no.

xXx

Pirate : Surrender the Booty

2006-08-24T20:43:00.000+01:00

Kick off the Bank Holiday weekend with a FREE yes FREE boom-bang-a-bang with Pirate : Surrender the Booty.

OldSkool Rave! Booty bass! Grime! Breaks! Shove it all through a pop music compressor and turn the speakers to 11. Pirate is a new breed of party - a million miles from ultra-fashionable, minimalist, take-you-on-a-journey clubnights - instead taking inspiration from oldskool warehouse raves, pogo-punk parties and yer mums dressing up box.
This time we bring you a line-up that smashes boundaries between oldskool, newskool and playskool.

Your aural entertainers for the night;

Pirate Soundsystem

Warboy&
K-Tron

Diskoboxx

Poj Masta

Monsieur

K-Y-M

Hosted by

Holestar

Pirate : Surrender the Booty

25 August 2006

Purple Turtle

61-65 Crowndale Road Camden London NW1 1TN

2000 till 0300

FREE KNEES UP

(Donations on the door welcome)

Did I mention it's FREE!!
214 Bus goes from Old Street

Venice, Cornwall and Trannyshock

2006-08-11T19:35:00.000+01:00

Well that’s my summer holidays over. Just had two rather pleasant weekends away in Italy and Cornwall. Hardly jet setting I grant you but it’s as good as it gets for me at the moment.

First up, was booked for a gig near Udine, Italy (about 90k north of Venice) for the company Coco Song (new Italian sunglasses company) for a fashion show as singing MC.
Up at 4 to get a taxi (driver drove like my Mum; all over the place and hogged the middle lane on the motorway) to fly to Venice. Arrived fine and had to go to the other airport to pick up other people and wait for a few hours-painful.

Arrived at the very nice Hotel Clocchiatti (bed could have easily slept four and the bath was the deepest I’d ever seen.) and went for a trundle around Udine. Amazed that such a small and quiet town would have a Fendi, Gucci etc well it is Italy. I guess it’s like New Look to them.

Was picked up by one of the models to go to location, big ol Villa Caiselli in
Cortello (in a car he clearly didn’t know how to drive, shunted every time he changed gear). Nice to see Andy Anderson again. Absolutely stunning location. Lord knows how much it was costing them as there were international clients, string quartet, band, me, DJ and models, free booze and food all night etc.

Wasn’t told previously that I’d be sharing a stage with MC Spot. I think I’ve mentioned him before. Nice enough guy but his skills as an MC leave a lot to be desired and are rather dated. There are only so many times you can say ‘Yeah yeah yeah c’mon. Put your hands in tha air’and do the robot without a hint of irony. Yes THE robot. And apparently this has been his act for 10 years. Ach them Austrians with their keep to what we know rather than try anything new.

Had dinner with Andy and some of the models (all very sweet and cute but rather dizzy).
Show was ok considering it was a bit of a case of too many cooks and nobody really being clear on who was to what when. Not too pleased when I was asked to do a slowish thing and did Peggy Lee’s ‘Fever’ over some downbeat electro track and MC Spot jumped on behind me giving it the ‘yeah yeah yeahs’. Just not what I conjure up when I imagine a slick fashion show; a bald man in cut off trousers and a fun boy t-shirt shouting like a fish monger.

Took ages to get to the bar after so ended up ordering double caipirinhas and mojitos and had sleazy old pissed geezers trying it on. Shudder. Hung out for a while before getting the bus back to the hotel and watch ‘Sexy Italy’.

Hilarious show which is like a wank line, live on tele. The girl hosting was far from sexy and prancing around on the sofa getting her pink bits out. I liked that she was rather feisty with the pervs on the phone but painful to watch her rub her dry minge repeatedly. Owwwch.

Woke up late to the receptionist telling me the taxi was there to take me to Venice. Was dropped off at Mestre and spent a while trying to sort out a hotel that I could afford. Eventually found a decentish one with a shower in Compo Germia for €75 for two nights.

Went for a walk and my, Venice is really like nowhere else. After the initial wow factor, it all started to look similar (oh more canals, bridges and narrow streets) but tried to get lost and found things that nearly made me cry they were so beautiful.

Shopping wise, same masks and coloured glass in every other shop and very expensive Italian labels. So no Primark then.

The Basilica of San Marco is one of the most stunning houses of god (allegedly) I’ve seen. The Vatican has all the bling and gold but this place just blew me away. Dabbed some holy water behind my ears like perfume. Disgruntled a few Catholics but I’m sure God would have approved.

Spent a good few hours in the Museum of Erotic Art (well I would wouldn’t I?) Some great stuff, some meh stuff. Most impressive was Jacques Brissot . Surprised I’d never heard of him before. Stunning montages and use of robots and dolls.

Had one of those moments of chilled relaxed when I had my feet in a canal, drinking a mint flavoured slush puppy with a cigarette, watching rich tourists go by in gondolas while a street string quartet played ‘the hits’. Bliss.

Decided I wanted to eat something Venetian so had pasta and bean soup (nice) polenta and some fish thing (not so) and then for an ice cream while watching a band that was a bit rubbish but has the best stage gimmick I’ve seen and might have to adapt for myself.

Had 1am curfew at hotel (I know!! When I protested at first, was told there was bugger all to do after 11 and that the city goes to sleep then. They weren’t wrong.) so went back to the hotel for a snooze.

Monday started off pretty cloudy but decided to get out of the city as felt I’d covered most of the city previously. Got the lengthy water bus to Venice Lido to sit on the beach, paddle in the Adriatic and look at fit Italian girls boobs. I love sunglasses! Heh!

Took another trek to the lovely island of Burano. Beautiful and quiet little place with colourful houses, block mammas chilling out making lace all connected by cute bridges.

Back on bus to Murano where they make the glass. Bit disappointing so didn’t stay long. Returned to see the best dressed beggar I’ve ever seen outside my hotel. Cheeky twat had his own very swish looking kneeling pad, fine leather shoes and his sports wear by GAP.

Went out for dinner again and had a night walk around the Rialto bridge and St Marcos Square with another ice cream and got followed a bit by an Italian dude, until I spun around and stared at him square in the face.
Got the last bus back to the north of Venice (at 23.25) and found a bar near my hotel (€4.50 for a large beer) and got chatting to a nice couple from England of their honeymoon and a young girl from America. Unfortunately the bloody hotel curfew meant I had to leave when we were talking about drugs, insecure women and police raids.

Really enjoyed my little jaunt around Venice. Spent too much money but was worth it. Had fun on my own but not the kind of place I’d return to alone, would be better with a partner I guess.

Last weekend was down to Cornwall with the kids. Harry opened up her house to a bunch of randoms (her words) and friends. On the train down with Dan, Nikki and Amy, I was thrown off the train at Exeter for trying to get away with a dodgy ticket. Shit my pants good and proper but was luckily just told to buy another ticket from Exeter to Bodmin Parkway. Crime don’t pay kids.

Got down and had dinner at a restaurant where Harry works (uninspired Italian stuff) and saw the best name for a 70s band ever ; Disco - in - Kernow. With that sense of creativity, they must rock!
Went to the local pub which scared me a bit. Much like any pub in any small village or town anywhere really. Everyone knows each other, the boys are all psyching each other out in that alpha male way and the girls are judging each other. As I don't realy hang out with girls, I forget how judgemental and bitchy girls really are of each other. I blame Victoria Beckham.

Next day we went to Newquay where they were having a big surf competition (not that there were many waves to surf on). Had a nice walk along the beach and laughed at the Nuts magazine birds in bikinis type competition (all generic, no oomph).

Back for a BBQ where I felt extremely old. Around 25 people in all and all 21 or under. Found it difficult to get on any level with a bunch of screeching 19 year old girls until I drank loads of booze and changed the lyrics of every song being played to involve the term ‘Man Juice’. Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ will never be the same again.

Few of the girls became rather pukey after they’d hit their screeching peek. Amy had managed to spew and fall asleep in it. Only noticed when she was waving her arm around and it was covered in sick.

Bit of a broo ha ha over where everyone was sleeping as the bed that Dan and I were sharing was taken over by drunk teenage girls but ended up on the sofa watching Dan sleep as he was having problems breathing and hadn’t brought his inhaler. That’s as far as being maternal gets with me.

Sunday woke to a big mess and went to the beach Treyamon while others hung around Wadebridge. (I don’t see the point of travelling down to one of the prettiest parts of the UK and walking around a small town on a Sunday personally). Much better than Newquay (over rated tourist chav trap) and huge waves. Thought I was going to drown at one point as they were so strong. Had a little walk over to Constantine beach next door. So pretty. I love England.

Came back with a bit of a sunburn and sand everywhere but a very nice weekend away.

Can’t afford to go anywhere else at the moment, as much as I’d like. Hoping to go away for my 30th at the end of the year (28th December) but not sure whether to have a party of go away. Would rather be out of the country and get shit faced somewhere for it, but only if I can get some chilled, stress free people to go with.

Wednesday, I popped into Trannyshack (or Trannyshock or Fannyshack as I've taken to call it) to do a little ditty (cover of Smash Up Derby’s ‘Sweet Nation Dreams‘).
Ended up kicking a very pissed straight Sloane wannabee who was pissing everyone off on stage. Told her 'that'll teach you to fuck with Trannys dear'. That got a big cheer.

Only four performed (rather than last time I performed where the show just went on and on…) Suppositori Spelling rocked out (not with her cock out, that was for backstage) Ritzy Crackers did ‘Wig in a box’ from Hedwig (learn the lyrics gurrrl!!) and Jennie Dee (I think) who was basically a man in a bikini doing Cliff’s Summer Holiday. As I said to Dusty, “Now that’s avant guard”. Only thing it could be really. Bless.

Some very young queens loitering backstage going on about 'throwing shade' and being 'read'. Think they've been gnawing at the drag cliche book. Came in and said hello to everyone but blanked me. Oh forgive me for not having a knob!

Had a boogie down with Mika Doll (who has declared me her Holey mother), watched the lovely Lusty Lloyd (I've taken to calling her Lusty instead of Lady) struggle with some nuts and pliéd with Stefán to Whitney Huston with make up smeared all over my face.

Some fucked up bloke said I was soooo professional and that he wanted to book me for an event he was doing. Yeah, I believe that when it happens.
Forgive my pessimism but if had a mere penny for every time I was told people were going to book me for this and that, send me to Japan, North and South America and all over Europe, record with international producers etc.. well I could buy myself a pretty decent holiday.

Ciao for now bitches

xXx

P.S. As some fecking fecker stole my camera in Cargo last month, the pics on here were taken with my new Nokia 6280 phone. No bad eh?

P.P.S. August 25th. Put it in yer diary. Pirate-All hands on deck with a DJ set from Altern8, Pirate Soundsystem, Poj Masta, Warboy, Baby Clyde and Me on hosting duties. OH FUCK YES!
For now, heres a pirate thing I found in a little church

Fuck them and thier law

2006-07-27T18:37:00.000+01:00

Ooohweee.

I’m loving the London but damn its hot! Hasn’t been this in hot in the UK since the time my Mother was pregnant with me during the summer of 1976. Might explain my 0-100 temper that sneaks out sometimes and that I sweat ridiculous amounts in all weathers. Maybe.

So after a hilarious session with a guy who I had to interrogate and torture (he said after that I was very convincing and scary. I aim to please) popped to Cargo with Richie of Diskoboxx for The Remix night. Space Cowboy did a live set (bit disappointing to be honest) and some fucker stole my digital camera. Took one photo of the band (well more of the visuals above them) and one of Rich and Rob Idiotech. Went to get it out of my bag and gone. I hope the fuckers get scratched to death by squirrels. Or chickens.

Remained quite calm for a while before becoming angry. Rich suggested we go to the rave that was going on nearby to cheer me up.

Cornered the street to see Dan and Jools who told us it had been raided by the police after just one hour. Grrrr. Bloody criminal justice act blah blah. Bit silly to have an illegal in the middle of Shoreditch really and the fact that tickets were available through ticketweb is like an open invitation to the authorities. But still.....baaaah.

Yeah its not going to be like it was ‘back in the day’ and I hate the term ‘neu rave’ (much like I dislike the term ‘mash-up) but I’m pretty chuffed there is a rave revival going on at the moment. So what if the Barleys have gotten in on the act and the much vilified by gybo band The Klaxtons have done a cover of ’The Bouncer’ (which personally I don’t have a major problem with. Was thinking of covering Human Resources ’Dominator’ (how apt) myself ).

I’m old enough to have gone to a few raves while still at school and old rave and happy hardcore (Not the ‘Bonkers’ toy town rave) is something I still listen to quite a lot.

I’m stick to the tonsils of yet another dreary boy band with guitars (can’t bear to listen to XFM much as its always The bloody Feeling, Razorlight or Kooks etc. Yawn) and house music has become so commercial and repetitively dull to the point of nausea. There must be new things to discover out there in music but I guess well shall have to keep referring to the past until it is discovered.

After running around pretty hyper from having the camera stolen and the rave being called off within 30 minutes within each other meant I needed to get high/have sex or dance my ass off.

Walked to where the police were shutting everything down and saw Jody and his brother Bayo (Baby Clyde) sitting on the floor doing a peaceful protest. Joined them for a rousing chorus of The Golden Girls theme tune, The Reynolds Girls’ ‘I’d rather Jack’ and a bit of ‘I Will Survive’. Made the coppers laugh anyway.

After a big to-do about what to do and a sneaky spliff (and watching more fighting and police carnage on Shoreditch High Street) had a beer in El Paso and went and sat in Hoxton Square. (Seems pointless to lock the gates when the place is packed with people who have just climbed over anyway.)

Were approached by some chav types if we watched any party prescriptions. Very dubious but at the price they were being offered, seemed rude to say no. So sat around the park till around 5 until retiring back to my place with Don and Rich till around 9 in the morning.

Sunday I had planned to have a BBQ at my gaf which went tits up so Dan and I had a nice meal down Broadway Market (Mediterranean place. Good food, good price, crap service) and an ice cream in the park.

Tuesday I met my good buddy Chris in Soho Square for a few drinkies before going to Too2 Much (Way Too Much more like. £14 for two vodka and cokes!) to see a reformed Culture Club with Chris (backing singer in Paleday, going under the name ‘Sam’) taking the place of Boy George.

Big shoes to fill but pulled it off very well and put on a good show plus he’s already got that gender bending thing down already. Love it. Only (*cough*) celebrity there was Henry Kelly (best known for Going for Gold-what a great show that was) who said to Chris “You were great, whatever you are”. Charming.

After we met Shane, Paul and Jason on the wall for more booze outside the church in Soho to abuse people walking past. Like overly pumped and tanned muscle fairies, a girl with bad weave having a hissy fit over dropping her phone, a beggar who called me a ‘ray-shall-ist’ for saying I wasn’t going to give him any money as his trainers were more expensive than mine (I’m also a Radishist too. Fucking Radishes.) and random queens flouncing around in the Soho heat.

Went back to Chris’ house for more vodka and lots of rounds of the card game Shithead. Silly fun.

Came back to the house with a drunk flatmate, three very pissed Brazilian blokes and a toilet floor covered with piss. Classy.

Got a call from a production company who are filming a Masterbationathon in the UK and if I fancied being a part of it. Said I’d be up for being interviewed as I fully endorse that kind of thing but not so in being filmed having a fiddle on camera.

I’m no prude but I’ve always been very careful about having any pictures of me in uncompromising situations. Its something I’ve also thought would haunt me later in life whatever I end up doing.

OK I’ve appeared in a BDSM film where I beat up a young Hungarian chap and fucked him in the bum (which I’ve still yet to see) and done stills for a book about Viennese Dominatrix (Traum Frauen by Andres Urban which means Dream Woman. Indeed.) but nobody saw any pink bits, top or bottom. Not that anyone would be interested in seeing me in the altogether anyway (shudder).

Off to Italy this weekend for a fashion show in a castle. Did a similar show in Austria and I felt for the poor makeup artists who had spent ages doing beautiful eye makeup, only for them to be covered with sunglasses.

This is also a sunglasses show with me running around being noisy on the M I C.

The company has jiggled the flights around so I’ll be staying on for two extra days in Venice to have a little adventure. Eat ice cream and stare at Latin girls swanning around. Yum.

Following week I’m off to Cornwall for a few days with the kids, Harry, Dan and Nikki. I imagine I’ll come back with a big hangover with them pesky brats.

Should be back online soon too. Friggin hope so. The blokes who run this net café are proper pervy fucks.

Cheers queers

xXx

George Michael - An Easier Affair

2006-07-21T17:12:00.000+01:00

Ooh hark at me! All attitiude and hair. Yep, here's me in the George Michael video 'An Easier Affair' pulling some silly faces. CLICKY THIS LINKY for the video.

MINTY - Its a game Pt 2 (Download)

2006-07-21T17:07:00.000+01:00

MINTY 2006 (L-R Richard Torry, me being haughty and Mathew Glamorr)

For MINTY info go here
For direct download of tracks go here